The more that I (trans dude) participate in “men’s things” the funnier it is to me to realize so much of ostensible ‘the way guys are’ is shaped socioeconomically.
Men “care less about their appearance”? Men’s clothing tends cheaper, sturdier, but also more boring and featureless. You have to work a lot harder to find interesting cuts or styles or vibrant colors. Shorter hair is far more forgiving to style- I can roll out of bed and examine myself in the mirror and think 'hey, that bedhead look is pretty solid and workable’. Cosmetics 'for men’ tend packaged for bulk and convenience and seldom will tell you what their scents actually are so if you like smelling a certain way you have to work harder to think about it.
Even down to men’s underwear has a much thicker waistband so it’s more likely to show above your pants! I can dress the same way in the exact same pants with different underwear and one of them shows above the waistline and the other doesn’t.
And sure we can argue the idea that this marketing exists because it’s what men want (IMO, a bit naive considering how large and powerful corporations are / the very sorry state of the ostensible invisible hand) but then I can point to experience working at a daycare and tell you that every three year old boy wants ponytails and his nails painted and likes purple or pink, wants to be a princess, wants to wear costume skirts and dresses, because those things are exciting and pretty- and when those boys turn four or five and start to shy away from them, their response is not a refinement of taste nearly as often as it is one of anxiety and dread- that he has learned those things attract him unwanted attention or admonishment or scolding.
Boys are taught what is safe to want, what they 'should’ want. And as a man who intends to enjoy being a man with exactly as much color and glitter as I please, the hollowness of the facade has never been more obvious. Nor more aggravating, considering how much genuine harm and misery comes from it. Manly dudes who really like being “conventionally masculine” aren’t going to crumble into dust if walmart stops differentiating some shampoo brands as 'womanly’ and some as 'manly’- and he might decide he really likes the way this fruity sparkle body wash makes him smell.
One of my still most-popular posts is about how gender of choice should be universal, and this is another chunk of it- social forces that, if we’re being bluntly honest, are mostly after our money, have a vested interest in trying to tell us what to want. That men 'should’ want this, and women 'should’ want that, and the vast beautiful sphere of human experience is carved up haphazardly and each half flicked aside, here, this is for you, in casual ignorance that what we may literally need to survive wasn’t in our allotted chunk. “Aberrant” men- men of color, disabled men, queer men- are forced to see this more and more dramatically, but it affects even the most normative socially accepted men. And this is men- the people who, in patriarchal, misogynist societies are getting ostensibly the better deal!
Worth noting that “men dress boring” is culturally and historically contingent.
Every so often, in writing subreddits, the question of “Why don’t men read novels?” pops up.
To me the most obvious answer to this is that it’s cultural and also a result of self-fulfilling prophecies. i.e. publishers notice the trend that women read more novels and so tend to mainly publish novels that cater to “female” tastes. Once in a while they will try marketing to men but the trend is so entrenched that these attempts aren’t successful, because “men don’t read novels,” so they go back to marketing to women.
Also, people defend these gendered spaces very fiercely. Like in one of these Reddit threads I got into a debate with someone where I made essentially that case, saying that reading tastes were a cultural trend (albeit a pretty old one) and not a sign that men were intrinsically less interested in novels or fiction. And I guess this person perceived me as a man who was trying to “steal” publishing from women, because they went off on an unprovoked rant where they accused me of hating and wanting to disempower women and being too stupid to understand basic concepts like supply and demand, etc.
It’s like when gamers get angry about the mere presence of women in gaming spheres or about games being marketed to women.
i genuinely encourage non black people to engage with this, who might be worried they can’t because of the word “nigga” because they feel like it’s overstepping. the only way it would be overstepping is saying it to me when ur not black, but please don’t be afraid to engage with black art.
i kinda get annoyed when non black people police other non blacks on how to engage with black culture because it creates a problem where non black people avoid us all together which can be extremely isolating and create even MORE tension and overall being uneducated.
Back on my motherfucking bullshit (redraw of this art from 2022)
Seems like this might actually be relevant to an upcoming set! Actually, since starting this redraw, I have seen some leaked art, so I made sure to go in a different direction for, say, Liliana. I think I’ll make individual posts or reblogs to explain my thought process on each (and also split up the characters because this canvas is far too long).
it’s amazing how when i’m an active agent in my life good things happen and i feel capable and confident in myself and when i just passively let life happen to me terrible things happen and i am miserable. surely no one else has ever noticed this tendency
