dam more connie kent because you guys rlly liked her

Bruce Wayne should be trans because I said so and also all the batkids. Make them all trans. I wanna anger the bigots and transphobes. Shut up this is how I cope with Trump's new bill that's gonna kill me. SHUT UP!

—

Random Reporter: Mr Pennyworth! Can you please give us your personal opinion on the Wayne heirs... Recent decision?

Alfred, who's only disappointed in Bruce for being Batman but that man has made thirty bad decision in the past two hours and transitioning is not one of them: Which one exactly?

—

Clark, unaware that Bruce is trans: Bruce, where did all your kids come from..?

Bruce, thinking Clark knows by now, with a deadpan face, cowl on: I birthed them.

Diana: All of them?

Hal, who knows Bruce is trans: He birthed at least two of them.

—

Bruce: My first daughter... I'm so happy.

Jason, twelve years old, four apples tall: Can I be a boy instead?

Bruce: My second son, I'm so happy.

—

Bruce: Alright, chum. Now, this will be your legal name, what do you want it to be?

Dick, ten years of age exactly: DICK!

Bruce:

Bruce: Richard it is!

—

Bruce, staring at Tim:

Tim:

Bruce:

Tim:

Tim, smol stalker: I'm Tim.

Bruce, knowing damn well this is the Drake's kid but he has also seen this kid have a mental breakdown in the middle of galas for having to wear dresses: Hello, Tim.

—

Presenting: Damian, the "parent" collector

—

Damian, walking up to Talia: Mother, I finished my arts.

Talia: Oh? May I see?

Damian, holding up an origami bat with an angry scowl: . . . For you.

Talia: Beautiful, my heart. Let us go put it somewhere safe before your next training session?

Damian: Poison tolerance testing again, I assume?

Talia, kissing his forehead: Yes.

. . . Funny idea my brother and I had one day: What if the batkids continuously adopted one another?

—

Jaybin: Yeah, B is in the middle of the adoption process, so...

Dick: Hey. You know what'd be hilarious?

Jason: Huh?

Dick: If I adopted you. That way, you'd be Batman's grandson. Make him feel old.

Jason: . . . 'Aight bet.

Jason lived with Bruce, he was Bruce's son, but much to Bruce's annoyance and irritation Dick managed to snag the legal rights over Jason, making him Dick's "adoptive son." But, it wasn't that big a deal, Bruce guesses. Anyways, that's how Jason became Jason Todd-Grayson-Wayne.

—

Now, Jason did not like Tim when he came back from the dead, definitely not fond of the little f*cker. However, he became somewhat okay-ish with his existence after Bruce's "death" and, also, thought it'd be funny.

Jason: Hey, pretender.

Tim: What?

Jason: So, you have no legal guardian since Bruce died.

Tim: He is not dead.

Jason: Sure, sure, sure, anyways, you need a legal guardian and I don't give a f#&$ what you do.

Tim: . . . Elaborate?

Jason: I have the papers printed out already.

And, thus, Timothy Jackson Drake-Todd-Grayson-Wayne is born and also Bruce's expression is hilarious when he finds out. Dick celebrates having a grandson and Jason realizes quickly how he's f*cked up whenever he receives calls from Tim's school that he dropped out of or has to get a call from the hospital when Tim has his weekly near death experience...

—

Damian was much easier.

Damian: Timothy, I have heard the most ridiculous rumor that you are Grayson's grandson and adopted by Todd!?

Tim: Oh, yeah, it's funny.

Damian: . . . I want in.

Tim:

Damian:

Tim: Bernard, you want in on this?

Bernard: Hell yeah!

Damian is a bit to proud when he holds up his new birth certificate, stating "Damian Thomas Al Ghul-Drake-Todd-Grayson-Wayne-Dowd." Bruce is really, really not impressed and Cass is so glad she's manages to avoid this odd family tradition...

So, by law, Damian is both Bruce's son and great great grandson, Dick's great grandson, Jason's grandson, and Tim and Bernard's son. Bruce eventually forces them all to a courthouse to get paperwork done so he can make them all regular siblings and all his children, but they all complain the entire time and Tim accuses Bruce of taking him from his Father, Jason throws in some fake tears, Dick makes himself dramatically pass out... The press eat it up.

—

Did we all collectively agree that Tim chooses to have a public feud with Red Robin as a way to cover his identity?

___

Reporter, pushing a microphone on RR: What are your thoughts on Tim Wayne's recent kidnapping?

Red Robin, deadpan: He's an asshole cosplaying a feral racoon and whiny bitch.

-Later that day-

Tim, watching the news: Well fuck you too *flips off the TV*

Batfam: *concerned*

___

Bernard, who's publicly in a relationship with Timothy Drake-Wayne, was caught kissing RR on a rooftop. Kon-El, who the world thinks definitely has a thing with RR, was seen carrying Tim back to a penthouse at night.

This leads Gotham city to believe that Tim and RR stole eachother's boyfriend. Thus fuelling another war between RR and Tim on twitter.

It didn't help when a picture of Bernard and Superboy having a date was posted online.

___

Tim: *requested and funded a Red Robin joint to be built in Gotham city *

A video of RR staring at the building offended and distained from across the street went viral.

scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 1

-

Tim: me and Damian- me and Damian have come a long way. we have to at least publically admit that. he loves me now.

Damian: *non-committal hum*

Tim, bargaining: favourite brother.

Damian: Akhi.

Tim: favourite brother that you met in Gotham.

Damian: Duke.

Tim, under his breath: fuck, forgot about him. he is cool.

Dick, holding up a hand: i'm slightly offended i haven't shown up on the list yet?

Tim, waving him off: oh shut up, you were basically a father figure. you're expelled from the rankings. Day, am i at least your favourite white boy?

Damian: ...Akhi.

Tim: HE CAN'T HAVE TWO CATAGORIES.

Damian, storming out the room: FUCK YOU- HE SUNG ME TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT!

Tim, chasing Damian out of the room: i can sing- I CAN FUCKING SING- auh-maaazinng grAAACE-

Dick, watching after them:

Dick: those two will do great things one day. *turns to see Jason staring into space with narrowed eyes*

Dick:

Dick: ...you uh- you ok there littlewing?

Jason:

Jason, slowly: Dick. do you think.... am i white?

Dick:

Dick:

Dick, carefully: are you- are you not?

Jason: well i mean. i never really- Willis was white, right? like. american and a bit scottish i think. and Catherine was white, so i didn't think about it. like. next to you or Day or Duke i look like buff momo. so.

Dick, supportively: uh-huh,

Jason: but then, like. Catherine wasn't my biological mom. Sheila was. and i tracked Sheila down to Ethiopia.

Dick: yeah,

Jason: and i didn't- like i didn't think about it at the time, so i didn't ask like. why the fuck are you in Ethiopia? like, do we got family here? are you- are you ethiopian? just a day trip? dart at a map?

Jason: and then we both kinda died. so.

Dick, slower: yeah...

Jason, completely genuine: and also, like. i accidentially drank a lot of the lazarus water when i was in there; i opened my mouth i guess. and that shit still affects my biology. so does that mean i accidentially swallowed arabic? am i- *quieter* ...am i that now?

Dick:

Dick:

Dick, putting all his effort into keeping a straight face, covering his mouth stoically: i... see.

Jason, oblivious, slightly worried: yeah,

Dick: it's uh- it's um. those are very valid hypothesis's.

Jason:

Jason, softly: you're laughing at me.

Dick, instant, equally soft: i would- i would never. this is.... *blinks purposefully* this. is. not funny. because race is never funny. and i love you, Jason. so if this bothers you, i- *throat clear* i want to help.

Jason:

Dick: ....should we do a DNA test? so we can find out if you're ethiopian? or... *bites lip* arabic?

Jason: ...*worried sigh* i don't know if we should? like, everybody assumes im pure american white right now? maybe that's for the better?

Dick, closing his eyes momentarily: *face flickers in amusement* *coughs quickly* mhm, mhm. um, why- whys that, Jay?

Jason, softly, still completely serious: well... i do a lot of criminal stuff. and right now if i do that stuff as a white person then who cares, right? but if i'm not white... then me being a crime lord just makes me a statistic. a stereotype.

Dick: *presses lips together, shaking slightly*

Jason, whispering: i don't want to add to that kind of propaganda by being Red Hood, Dick...

Dick:

Dick:

Dick, trying his best not to whimper: a- *clears throat* and that is, so very thoughtful of you, Jason. so thoughtful. i'm sure the mixed community would be lucky to have you, and they would be so appreciative of your care,

Dick, putting a hand on Jason's shoulder sweetly: but i don't think you have to worry because you do wear a face covering helmet and nobody knows Red Hood's skin colour or race. so lets just-

Dick: *turns away abruptly, face cracking, shoulders shaking*

Jason:

Dick: *takes a deep breath* *turns back with his face completely ernest and supportive* lets go and get you a DNA test to calm you down, and then you can stop wondering, ok kiddo?

Jason:

Jason, nodding softly: ok...

Jason: *leaves the room*

Dick, hanging back:

Dick: man, it's gonna be so funny when i hack the results and make him think he's 45% african american.

*Dick leaves the room*

Alfred, on the other side of the room, staring across from where he's been cleaning:

Alfred:

Alfred, continuing to clean: not touching that.

‘i love you dami’

the most destined to be

HOW CAN ANYONE HATE HIM 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ MY SHAYLAAAAAAAAA

Damian got de-aged on a mission and now Tim’s stuck on babysitting duty

The neighbour’s kid tries to befriend Babian

Big baby and his chud dad

That’s his son y’all <3

Lex is just mad he isn't the gay awakening

Batman is so focused on losing his tiny shadow that he doesn’t realize there are actually three of them.

aka wanted to play with dynamic duo dynamics and i couldnt decide whether to give bats a kid, a preteen, or a dick hilariously close in age, but then, epiphany: all 3 at once. batdad speedrun

btw timmy got the other two interested in following batman around so they basically adopted batman, really

batdad speedrun: everything is a riddle now

AU where battinson gets a bunch of robins at once is back :)