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end of semester is absolutely destroying me i have so much shit to do but #Fuckitweball
will be posting a bunch of the stuff ive been working on most likely in the next 2 weeks :)
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i love that the winged lion is essentially a parasite brought to this world by humans, which then went on to destroy the ecological balance. at first it was mere energy, with no reason or intention or form, simply going through the natural process of learning to interact with the new world it was brought into. so when that entity eventually came to learn of taste, of hunger, it was then given a name by humans. they made it a god and when it was no longer solely sustaining them but instead consuming, taking from them as well, they made it into a demon, though nothing had changed. this entity kept desiring to taste more and more, accepting of its hunger being regarded as satanic and evil; as it didn't have a concept of right and wrong to begin with. hunger has no concept of right and wrong. it completely gave in to a pleasure out of its world, just like humans did and do and will continue doing, no matter how much they try to hide their own hunger. so who are they to criticize it, when it's adopted the simple mechanism of every living being? there's only one glaring distinction between them: the winged lion does not consume to live. the endless power chose desires, despite all their limitations, despite knowing it might very well hunger for eternity. and in that lies its most human trait, what makes humans its greatest inspiration out of all the beings it came into contact with.
so i think laios's choice at the very end not to erase the winged lion's memory but embrace it is also a way of taking responsibility for humans bringing the "demon" to life and eventually taking everything back. it which was "born" from humans' desires was then returned to nothing and, fundamentally, everything. when you think of it that way it's as much a god as it is a worm. nothing and everything all at once, just like at the very beginning. just like humans.
i will just add that people in the manga being terrified of the demon is so funny. like nah, yall are terrified of yourselves. the fact mithrun's demon came out of a literal mirror speaks for itself. when all alone with the demon, their innermost desires come out and that is a sight they wish to be seen only by the demon, for they wouldn't be able to bear the mortification of being known by those surrounding them. marcille being saved was possible for the sole fact her desires became known and she no longer had to bear them on her own; she was met with understanding.
and then, laios was granted his deepest desire: to leave his own humanity behind. he couldn't resist it despite knowing what the demon was; recognizing in the demon what he himself didn't want to possess. so by devouring the demon's desires, basically choosing to become human again, laios did the one thing he was terrified of most his whole life: not running away. he became human, accepting the loss of the life he so desired, in order to become the man he wanted to be. and he was able to do it for his sister, because of the journey he took to revive her which led to him killing her with his own hands. after doing all that and still being loved and supported every step of the way, even after he let his desires be known little by little... for the very first time, it felt like he too could be accepted as a human.
the insane experience of missing a fictional character . like you can always go back and reread the book , replay the game , rewatch the show or movie , you can always go back & see them , but you can never experience them & their story for the first time again . its absurd to miss them because they'll always be there , but you'll miss when there were still new things for them to say .
for a small time they were real & growing and changing and you hung onto every new word, but now all they can do is repeat the same story forever&ever & they're not real anymore because you know everything they're going to do. & you miss them. its fucked man...
in this way fanworks are like necromancy
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Juxtaposition
Bill quietly swam through the crowded swarm without a set destination. He had no idea where it was exactly that he wanted to go, he only knew where he wanted to end up. Sadly, Bill had no means of finding the place that he desired deep inside. It had been three weeks since Will left. Three weeks since he let him go and neither tried to stop him nor offered to join him on his travels. For the first few nights, he was proud of how he had stood up to his friend and refused to leave– happy to not be bossed around anymore. After a while though, he grew to realize that he had very few friends besides Will. Sure, he would nod and speak to everyone he came across, polite gestures that Will never bothered with, yet he wasn’t content with anyone’s company. “You don’t miss him,” he told himself each night before he closed his eyes, “you just need to learn to branch out.”
And he did, he made new friends, smart and practical friends who were exactly like him… the main reason that Will hated the Swarm…Will did not want to be a carbon copy of a perfect krill who got along fantastically with every krill he met. Perhaps that’s why he and Bill became such good friends, they were polar opposites. Bill assured himself that he rather enjoyed having sophisticated conversations with people who understood him. Will never understood him. They would fight and argue and never see eye to eye. He was happy that Will was out in the big blue ocean, all alone, while he was surrounded by his own.
Though, the fighting aside, Will did seem to know Bill better than he let on sometimes. And Bill liked to pride himself on being able to understand what was going on in the impulsive krill’s mind when no one else did.
This is really beautiful.
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I think it speaks to what aspect of the dynamic people are most interested in that in every AU fan fic I have read, the thing authors keep intact from Kabru and Mithrun's canon relationship is the caretaking bit on Kabru's part. Not the part where Mithrun is an antagonist with a goal that puts him at odds with the other characters, not any of Kabru's political motivations or the tragedy of his past, not the part where he sabotaged Mithrun with a murder-suicide attempt, not the part where Kabru was threatened into it and felt compassion for Mithrun despite their situation. Juuuuust the part where Mithrun is in need of care and Kabru is the one to give it to him, sometimes far beyond the scope of canon. Completely neutering both of their story arcs.
I am aware that AU fics are obviously going to diverge from canon, but I point this out because in the ones I've read, the author usually takes pains to make Mithrun's disability and trauma as 1:1 to canon as possible while not doing the same for Kabru. I think it's naive at best to claim that there's nothing wrong with this trend. The only aspect of the disabled character* people are interested in is his perceived fragility; the only aspect of the character of color people are interested in is how he can comfort and care for the white character.
*btw, Kabru is also disabled. His PTSD is pretty severe. But you wouldn't guess that from most of the fan fic I've read.