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AAAAAAA

@oneofapollosillegitimatekids

I'm just being stupid over here. Watch as I eat rocks, if you stay too long you can feel your brain cells leaving. Also sewing needles that live in my carpet and are plotting my demise should die.
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Reblogged mullet-man05
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Environmental storytelling or something like that

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Interesting how the transfeminine version got marked mature literally *as* I posted it, very clearly hitting some sort of automated filter, while the cis version was untouched by the filter even though it was otherwise identical

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Reblogged mullet-man05
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once my friend made a drink he called turpentine that tasted like every worst college night out rolled into one and felt like getting whacked in the head with a hammer, and I woke up in my own apartment with my phone wallet keys clothes and absolutely zero memory of the night before, and when I checked my watch I'd walked over 60k steps.

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60k steps in the middle of the night in heels for reasons entirely unknown to me. what was I doing. where did I go. where did I come from. cotton eye joe. or whatever.

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people are theorizing what happened so here's what I know:

  • the club we went to closed at 2am and 45kish steps were after 2am, meaning I wasn't still dancing at the club. we got there at 11:30pm. I don't know when we left.
  • none of us had any charges on our cards or venmos after getting into the club and none of us were missing cash
  • we all woke up with all our things and no injuries except some bruises (to be expected from a night out)
  • I woke up smelling like salt water which would make me think I'd ended up in the ocean(??) except my hair was still straight, none of my things were water damaged, and I was completely dry
  • from our camera rolls we know we were all together until around 4am, but not where we were because they're all too dark to see, which is fucking weird because we live in a city with tons of lights all night
  • I didn't wake my roommates up when coming home, managed to take out my contacts, cooked mac n cheese, and passed out on the living room floor
  • me and everyone else who'd been wearing heels had crazy blisters
  • my friend found a bunch of rocks in his pockets
  • two of my guy friends were wearing each other's shirts when they woke up (in their separate apartments)
  • we all got back to our apartments around 6am which we know for a fact because we all texted pictures of ourselves being home safe to the group chat, so being unbelievably hammered didn't stop us from having enough common sense to make sure we were all okay

if we'd been able to sherlock holmes together what happened it'd just be a funny night out but the fact we all have no fucking clue means we have conspiracy theories about it. and we don't let my friend make turpentine anymore.

#this is just the plot of the hangover but none of you are missing
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Reblogged punkitt-is-here
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"ragebaiting my fat dog pt. 20" is an exceptional video on its own merits but i can't help but feel like about 15-20% of its humor is derived from the fact that it's called "ragebaiting my fat dog pt. 20"

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Reblogged
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imagine you are charles rowland, possessed by the raw divine drive to be a knight in shining armor at all and any cost, only for your fair maiden to be a guy who clawed his way out of hell with only his teeth and bare hands. and that guy is like, oh thank god, a knight!

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