SANDY MILKOVICH | SHAMELESS seasons 10 + 11

All of it.

ian & mickey + text posts // part three.

— Sun Bak

“Yeah, this is our Chicago. It’s disappearing fast. But before it’s gone, we’re  gonna enjoy  every f*cking minute of it.”

Honestly, I hope you understand me because it’s his wedding, so the feelings are obvious, but I see Ian so in love with Mickey, as if he had allowed himself to feel after a long time.

Maybe that’s how it is, a calm and peaceful love. A breath he had been holding for years and has finally exhaled. The certainty that they no longer have to survive, now they can live together, side by side. And Ian went through all those dark times when he didn’t even know if he had the capacity to love, and even knowing he did, he couldn’t fully do it. And he lost Mickey. And he lost himself. And then he tried to recover it all with other people, in another moment of his life when everything was still confusing.

He spent so much time not knowing who he was, scratching the surface of a sensation he had experienced a while ago with a boy who was too scared to feel, but that had been real. And he could no longer find anything else authentic around him, or inside himself. But after tasting other lips that didn’t make him tremble, after being a body to walk around with, after no one caring about what he wanted, after no one seeing him, he found the same boy with whom he had known love for the first time, and he would have thought there couldn’t be a second because love was such a delicate thing for Ian, and so fragile that it wavered with his heart for many years.

But at this wedding, he wasn’t just a body, he wasn’t a handful of regretted actions or open wounds, he was Ian. And Mickey was looking at him because he was existing. He had never stopped living for the guy he had put the ring on. At times, all he needed to do was exist, but Mickey wasn’t there to say it, to see him like that.

And he breathed and allowed himself to feel alive. The calm that floods your chest after being bruised violently. Ian was dying to kiss Mickey, have him closer. Finally, he could do it. No one had ever touched him so kindly in his life. No one had ever shown him that love could be soft. And he knew it now. He was free, and after everything, he was still Ian. But he was Ian with Mickey, and that was like caressing all the parts of his life that had hurt and letting them breathe without the fear of them coming back to him.

And when Ian slid his hands down his husband’s back while they danced slowly, I swear that the only thing I can believe in is him thinking, between a sigh, At last.

IAN & MICKEY 10.12 ― “Gallavich!”

SHAMELESS 5.05 — Rite of Passage

Mickey and Ian + Hugs