Everyone told me testosterone would make me angrier. My family has a habit of attributing any anger I feel these days to the testosterone. I didn't feel any angrier, but my mother would still tell me that no, I am angrier now, and testosterone did make me angrier and *she* could tell.

A week or two ago, I got my proof to the contrary. I'd been having a difficult day, woke up late, and had to rush out the door, ran into minor inconvenience after minor inconvenience, and then the straw broke the camel's back.

I wrote out the kind of angry vindictive seething text message I used to write constantly. I didn't send it, of course, I copied it out and pasted it in the folder of my notes where I put all my rage venting.

And then I thought.

Huh, it's been a little while since I did that. And I checked the time and dates on my previous notes. The last one was a few days before I started testosterone.

And scrolling back, I noticed that they were *constant* at least one a week for *years* I used to get so angry that I would get the serious urge to say cruel hurtful things to or about people I cared about on a near-daily basis. I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until all of a sudden I hadn't gotten that angry in Eleven Months. Nearly a YEAR.

And then I realized in my rush to get out the door in the morning, I hadn't taken my T shot. My testosterone was the lowest it's been since August.

All of a sudden, I had demonstrable proof that testosterone really did make me less angry. That all that "you may not think you're any angrier but you are" was bullshit.

I feel like I should be angrier about this than I am. I know how angry I used to get. About everything. I just felt it again for the first time in a while. For once, it would feel justified to be that angry. But I'm not. I'm not mad. I'm just... disappointed, I guess.

defiant whumpee attacking their rescuers!! so used to pain that they expect it from everyone they meet. so terrified of being hurt again that they'd rather claw and bite anyone who dares getting too close.

it would take a lot of patience and a gentle hand for someone to finally earn their trust

whumpee who’s been reduced to begging, and can’t even think of anything specific to beg for. not for the pain to stop, not for help to come, just please. please, choked out through sobs, too overwhelmed to say anything else, even as they’re being mocked for their weakness - please, please, please.

after volunteering at a harm reduction agency for a couple months i can confidently say that addicts and homeless people (and homeless addicts) are not the boogeymen people make them out to be. they all just want coffee and candy. there's all this fear mongering and meanwhile your local addict is just some guy drinking a double double with slightly smaller pupils than normal.

and before you bring up a bad thing an addict has done, please remember that sober people have also done bad shit and that the majority of addicts are totally safe to be around. if you want to talk about how scary addicts are, i will talk about all the customers i had at my old job who made me fear for my life. stop fear mongering and start actually meeting addicts. yes, they can be scary, but so can anybody. fear mongering about addicts only leads to discriminatory policies and policing, which increases violence against them and worsens the problem.

the scariest thing about addiction isn't the addicts. it's the blood on the hands of politicians.

i’ve never watched the dream smp, but that ghost man giving the british kid the compass that points to the other british kid made me cry

Knowing you could have it if you wanted but not knowing if you want it at all

Someone turned off reblogs on this but I wanted it

vulnerability is the sexiest thing in the world. I've known this since the moment I got concussed at the age of 13. that was coincidence I think. I don't think the concussion brought it on. I think.

practicing radical use of free will by continuing to post short snippets of my fleeting thoughts on my own blog instead of turning every single idea that crosses my mind into a morality essay that shines light on every possible facet of a subject lest i be swarmed by the righteous masses

let me slip into something more harder to get out of