thinking about the end of the 2 weeks. the last morning. the absolute reluctance to get out of bed. ilya zipping up his packed bag. the last time together making them run late. the kiss before they’re out the door. the one in the driveway. the last one in the car before they get to the airport. holding hands throughout the drive. the curt heartbreaking goodbyes because they can’t do anything else. because they already had to leave that all behind in the private safety of shane’s home. knowing they’re going forward but it’ll still be weeks, months before they’re back together again. the last look before ilya has to turn away and leave. shane sitting in the car watching ilya walk away. ilya walking into a crowded airport with the sting of it in his eyes. they saved my life not putting any of that on my screen id be suicidal
when i was a teenager i used to catch myself thinking "i'm really glad i'm alive right now because of all the cool personal technologies that exist" and when i did i'd think it through and reckon that well, its not like teenagers in the 70s and 80s knew they didnt have ipods or facebook or whatever. they were also happy with the tech they had. and i'd reason that in the future there would be more fun technologies that i dont know i'm missing out on right now and the future will be an even cooler time to exist
anyway i was dead fucking wrong about that last part. i hate personal technologies now. i miss having an ipod that doesnt advertise shit to me and i miss when my htc wildfire didnt harass me 45 times a day to install an ai assistant and then install it anyway when i say no and i miss when the internet wasnt 5 websites all of which i have to log into and i miss when i didnt need an app to talk to my landlord. sorry past me you were actually right about 2009
