Reblogged lemon-wedges
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In what they described as a collaborative effort to share resources and information in defense of U.S. territory, Pentagon officials confirmed Monday that all six branches of the armed forces were present at the arrest of undocumented nanny Paola Soto. “It was like the invasion of Normandy the way every American military division descended on that baby’s bedroom, where the nanny was working,” said neighbor Valerie Beatty, explaining that the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Coast Guard, and Space Force all appeared to work in a coordinated fashion, employing more than $75 billion worth of defense technology and top-secret surveillance equipment to ensure the successful detainment of the 64-year-old Guatemalan migrant.
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Panting excitedly as he trotted from room to room displaying his prized possession, a giddy President Donald Trump was reportedly seen Friday strutting all around the White House with a Nobel Peace Prize in his mouth. “Aw, you can tell the president really loves that thing—he even hides it under his bed at night with his ball and his favorite rabbit toy,” said Secret Service agent Douglas Colman, adding that the Peace Prize’s 24-karat gold plating was holding up remarkably well against all of Trump’s slobber.
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How it feels
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Insisting your fate was sealed the moment you clicked the link, a report released Tuesday found that you will be fired for reading this headline about Charlie Kirk. “Shortly after you navigated to this article, your IP address was logged and your supervisor approved the decision to remove you from your position,” the report read in part, revealing that the choice had been made after a brief conversation among your superiors in which it was repeatedly emphasized that your behavior in loading this page and spending nearly two minutes reading its content about the late Turning Point USA co-founder was an action inappropriate for the moment.
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Victini (2021) - Fusion Strike Illustrator: Mitsuhiro Arita
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Groudon Statue Background (2007) - Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time & Darkness © Pokémon / Nintendo / Creatures / GAME FREAK