Howdy Newgrounds!! Thanks for stopping by :)

Holy moly, despite my lack of posts, I've reached 304 followers on here now, so I'd like to thank everyone who chose to stick around to see what I have in store despite my absence. I appreciate it a lot and I'm sorry I've been away for so long.

Just to go over what has happened the past 3 years, I've been in an insanely chaotic state with the lack of direction my life has had. My depression really spiked after COVID, particularly because all human connection was lost. I'm sure many of you can relate. For a long while there I became addicted to alcohol and porn, later weed, endlessly seeking constant stimulation and momentary pleasures to distract me from the uncertainty, sadness, and discomfort I was experiencing living and working alone in a sketchy city environment with an increasing concern for the future of art and entertainment in general. I didn't care what time it was, when I ate, when I slept, anything like that. My cognitive ability was reduced considerably. I had friends to continue my distractions and have momentary fun, but none of it led me down the right path. My dopamine centers were effectively fried for years and it definitely started when I started getting addicted to short form content in 2021, when I didn't have anything going on and was really depressed and aimless. It's super important to pay attention to what you do and how it affects you so you can live your life with purpose and dignity. Sounds simple but I've seen many people including myself go down the wrong path gradually without even realizing it before it became really hard to change course. At the end of the day, mastering control of your thoughts and maintaining good habits is paramount. Thoughts come and go, and only have as much power as you give them. Belief is a very powerful force, and you can convince yourself of literally anything. People can change drastically depending on the beliefs they hold and develop about themselves and others.

It sounds simplistic to say but vocally affirming your beliefs does help instill them in you. It helped me to say aloud, even on day 0 of quitting the things that were destroying me, that: "I don't watch porn, I don't smoke weed, and I don't drink alcohol or coffee." It felt so good to say that and know it was true, even though I wasn't far along into it at all. Those words held as much power as the negative words I'd learned to say about myself, and learning how to direct my creative energy into the light again felt incredibly empowering. It still does.

I'm now two weeks sober. I quit weed, alcohol, porn, and even coffee on the same day, November 23rd, and have stayed away from each of my vices since. I tried quitting each separately before but from my experience, one vice always leads to another and it's best to not allow any holes in your ship at all. I know everyone's different, but staying completely away from negative forces in my life wholesale worked wonders for me at least, and I can feel my natural energy returning and my mind is clearing up. I'm not a devout Christian and you can believe what you want, but I personally have found that committing the seven deadly sins really do lead you to being in a living hell. I experienced it myself so I can attest to that. Depression is still my number one struggle, it really kicked in the last few years at my Air Force job after losing my confidence there. Dealing with it just comes down to knowing not to abandon yourself for things that offer short term relief and numb you, clouding your vision and eventually leaving you feeling quite empty. It's never worth the sacrifice. You're always going to sacrifice something, so you may as well make the sacrifices that serve you rather than the alternative!

I said in a blog post before that it isn't healthy to cope using creation alone. I still stand by that, but I also said "Distracting myself by making stuff never solved my problems" but I was totally wrong. Making stuff totally helped solve my problems. If you're in an environment where there truly is no escape, the freedom of expression that art offers is a tremendous boon. I looked at my reliance on joking around as a coping mechanism to be a crutch, because I was less developed in other regards as a result, but I strayed too far from what actually sparked joy in my heart, and it caused me to lose myself for a good while and even distance myself from my family after learning the ramifications of how their lack of proper parenting affected me, which I have remedied after learning how to overcome it and heal on my own. My parents have made very bad choices which did affect me negatively growing up, there's no denying that, but I managed to find it in my heart to forgive them despite their faults, considering their backgrounds and how much they did try at the end of the day. With the clarity that sobriety offers, and the lessons learned during my very long hiatus, I finally feel ready to start my creative career with intent and hope, rather than bowing away from it out of apathy, fear, uncertainty, and doubt. I'm not going to use substances to dull myself anymore and I'm doing my best to fight for what I believe in again.

I'm very excited to get my life back, and I'll be so happy to share my latest cartoon, which is a sonic parody I've had in the works off and on this year. It's nothing crazy, but I'm so happy to get the ball rolling again (no pun intended) and to have fun doing what I truly love: spreading joy through my voice acting and cartoons. I hope to have the sonic cartoon out soon! I posted sketches of it to my Patreon, which you can find on my profile if you have the means to support my creative endeavors that way, it would truly mean a lot. I only have per upload donations set up at the moment because of how inconsistent I've been, and you can limit the monthly amount to whatever you like.

Thanks for taking the time to read about my creative journey, and thanks for sticking around. I hope me sharing my experience can help other artists avoid the pitfalls I fell into in my mid-late 20s. I really want to make your attention worth your while and I'm ready to just have fun doing what I love again. I'm no longer afraid of failure. It's an integral part of the process and I won't let it stop me anymore.

See you soon!

- Alex