woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:
vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)
which is why more than 99% of what we call “vanilla extract” is actually vanillin (vanilla’s dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.
luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.
why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.
vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.
then, if you’re lucky, you get vanilla beans.
which then require months of further specialized treatment.
the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage
vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.
the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl–the precursor to modern hot chocolate!
it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!
which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s
Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today–launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.
today, the majority of the world’s vanilla is grown in Madagascar
if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully–it’s harder to find than you think!
in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!
There is a kind of reactionary out there who really does treat “sexualizing” something like it’s become dangerously radioactive. Like this is a screenshot and its not even mine, so who knows what this person thinks forreal, but I really feel like there is this very persistent simmering shame so many people have around sexual desire, that they cannot be normal about gloves when they learn that some people find them sexy.
“The zeitgeist has deemed gloves contaminated with sexy particles therefore I cannot wear gloves anymore and will Feel Weird when I see people wearing gloves that are a little too snug for my liking, I am normal and not sexually fucked up, unlike the people wearing gloves. they dont even know someone might be LEERING at their gloved hands”
Looping the rooms you say? …Looping? Say that again…
This took me less time than expected, had fun making it and I’m content with the final result so. Win win!! Go my Siffrin!! Into an endless loop you go!!
