I want to write. I have ideas. I open document. I type four of the worst sentences ever created in the english language. I daydream the rest of the scene. I close document.
People who don’t want to read The Martian in case the science is too complicated should be informed that it contains the lines “The best way to store the ingredients of water is to make them be water”, “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft”, and “If I cut a hole in the wall of the hab, the air won’t stay inside any more”.
I love this fucking book
“I’ve said the words kilowatt-hours-per-sol so many times they’ve lost all meaning so I’m going to call them pirate-ninjas.
“So I need to generate nine hundred pirate-ninjas…”
there’s an entire chapter dedicated to him wondering how the cubs are doing while he’s stuck on mars, dying
I like the part where the guys on Earth are like “He thinks we all gave up on him, and that he’s completely alone. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now.”
And he’s like “How come Aquaman can control whales?”
“
As with most of life’s problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.
“
“Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”
Two pages later… “What do you know? I’m in command”
“Me: “This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?” NASA: (after five hours of deliberation) “No. You’ll fuck it up and die.” So I took it apart.
And my personal favorite :”
Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape.
Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”
I cannot tell you guys how much I’ve laughed at this yesterday, the comments on the willow mv are PRICELESS! 😂😂
For those of you wondering what the Swift rule is, every time Taylor releases an album, Corinthians (one of the big soccer teams in Brazil) doesn’t lose the previous and upcoming game. Like, never. And this weekend they were going to play the currently best team in Brazil, and regional rival. The other team was on a winning streak, but the swift rule is unbeatable.
But it doesn’t stop there!! People really believe taylor is some kind of patron saint of Corinthians, not only the Swift rule is definitely a thing, but Corinthians had never won a national championship while Taylor wasn’t born, first time was in 1990. And there is more, back in the day we still had playoffs for the main championship, and guess when was the final that crowned Corinthians champion? December 13th.
SOME GEMS ON THE WILLOW MV COMMENTS:
“saint george in heaven (patreon saint of Corinthians) and taylor swift on earth. go miss corinthiana”
“it was never luck it was always taylor swift. go corinthians!”
“I was always prejudiced to hear taylor songs but since she blessed Corinthias i have started to listen and they are good. thank you taylor. go corinthias”
“Taylor Swift is the patron saint of a Brazilian soccer team” is not something I expected to learn today
i saw a few versions of this on tw*tter but it bears repeating. john mulaney is never going to see your shitty little takes and “jokes” about addiction and rehab. but your friends who are struggling with addiction and substance abuse and trying to overcome the stigma around going to rehab and seeking help will. especially now when the increase in addiction that occurs during the holidays is compounded with the pandemic. i wish john all the best. i’m so proud of him and everyone else struggling right now. it’s so hard to ask for help. don’t be an asshole.
can someone please explain how it’s possible that every single month this year ended as quickly as it started and yet this whole year has felt like an eternity
“Hey, if there’s anybody out around this yard that can hear my voice, I’D LIKE FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT LAUREY WILLIAMS IS MY GIRL!” “Curly!” “And she’s went and got me to ask her to marry me!”
