chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman

this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.

now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.

on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.

These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.

Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.

This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.

yokowan:

yokowan:

okay I’ll bite

hawm

the-bedheaded-league:

So many modern detectives have tried to emulate Sherlock Holmes, and none of them have even come CLOSE to touching Benoit Blanc. That man is Holmes’ true spiritual successor. He’s a silly little guy. He’s gay. He’s a drama queen. He has impeccable fashion sense. He loves music. He works with the cops but refuses to work for them. His voice is both goofy and incredibly fun to listen to. He sucks at playing Clue and Among Us. He mopes in the bathtub for weeks when he doesn’t have a case. He loves hanging out with The Girls but gets incredibly uncomfortable when women flirt with him. The only reason he can afford his gorgeous downtown apartment is because his husband works a real job.* The only thing he hates more than Rich Assholes are Stupid Rich Assholes. He solved a double (attempted triple) homicide and the thing that made him most upset was plagiarism. He supports women’s rights and women’s wrongs. He refuses to break the law himself but actively encourages his client to commit arson.

And, most importantly, he and Holmes would fucking love each other. If most of the modern day detectives inspired by Holmes ever met him, he would probably want to kill them with hammers, but he and Blanc would probably end up being penpals and sending each other newspaper clippings about crime or some shit. And I can absolutely envision a teenage Blanc reading the Holmes stories and being like, “Wait, being a silly little gay private detective is a viable career option? Well, I guess I’ve finally found my calling in life.”

Anyway I love the Benoit Blanc movies and I hope they make a million of them

*confirmed by Rian Johnson

eroscestlavie:

eroscestlavie:

whenever I go to the restroom and can’t piss immediately I get so mad because all I can think about is that weird sexist John Updike passage where he’s like “the pee got lost inside her mysterious Woman Body”

Me drunk as fuck & easily physically distracted knowing logically I have to piss sitting on a bar toilet mad as hell like IF I DON’T PISS RIGHT NOW JOHN UPDIKE WILL HAVE BEEN RIGHT

roxolotl:

kihba:

“drama kid” this and “band kid” that. wheres the love for us kids that did absolutely nothing in high school

iamthemaestro:

iamthemaestro:

none of you are prepared for this 1830 artillery officer’s coat I found in the fort ti archives

I was like oh that’s pretty, I like the lacing on the sleeves— OHHHH

THE CUNT!!! THE CUNT!!!!!

god DAMN I cannot imagine the price tag on this thing. all that gold lace on the front combined with the elaborate pattern on the back PLUS the giant ass fucking epaulettes. it’s a rich man’s coat if I’ve ever seen one but damn me if it doesn’t go hard as hell.

also I know something is deeply wrong with me because I saw the buttons half-covered by the three-point pockets and went “oh that’s slutty” before realizing my definition of “slutty” has lost essentially all meaning or at least has none recognizable to the average person

caustic-pixie:

going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi:

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who’s my best friend in the world and recently he was like “you’re too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!” and I was like “a niece might be more up my alley” and he just got more excited and said “ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful”

OP the tags!!

keplercryptids:

keplercryptids:

keplercryptids:

the thing about running my silly little d&d game is that it has fundamentally changed me and my life forever, for the better.

thinking about “i am made better by you; i am made more myself by you” but irl about this fucking game!! like!!!

i have never, in my entire life, worked so hard at anything, so consistently, for so long, as i have running this game. i have never been so open and radically vulnerable as i have running this game. and in turn, i have never asked for what i needed and reached out for support from my friends as consistently and loyally as i have while running this game. i have never leaned into anything as hard as I’ve leaned into the challenges and tensions and complications of running this game. i have never committed myself to creativity and to living a creative life as i have since i started running this game. it has changed my life. it has changed me. it has made me more myself. ttrpgs are magic. friends are magic.

mercurymusing:

the-breath-in-air:

thelawfulchaotic:

thelawfulchaotic:

sailor-crusader-deactivated2025:

You have GOT to stop acting like “criminals” are a different breed of human that are more violent just because.

Criminal law is so bonkers disconnected from the reality of everyday life that things are crimes that people just Do.

Have you ever had on your person a prescription drug for someone else? Held for them, brought to them, picked up for them? If it was on the controlled substance list, you opened yourself up to a felony.

Ever pulled your sibling’s hair? Gave them a nougie? Hit them, tripped them, grabbed something out of their hands? You could have been charged with domestic battery.

Did you play with fire as a kid? Most people do, at least a little. Hope it wasn’t in a place with grass, because burning grasses is a felony here.

Your parents leave you in the car while they went into the store? Felony child neglect, these days.

Ever had a pet die from something that made them lose a lot of weight? I had a client convicted of felony animal abuse resulting in death even though the only veterinarian witness testified he didn’t know what caused the animal’s death and did not do a necropsy.

Ever thrown something at a car? Empty soda bottle, snowball, water balloon? Felony missile at occupied vehicle.

People can be convicted of brandishing a firearm for having it in a holster. For concealed carry of a firearm if it’s on the other side of their body from an officer observing (and therefore “hidden”). Got a knife in your pocket or a brass knuckle keyring self defense device? That’s a concealed weapon.

Did you know that child protective services safety plans are sometimes taken out as protective orders? My client didn’t, when she went to try to buy a firearm to defend herself against an abusive ex. She was under a CPS protective order to not have the ex around her children. Charged with felony fraud in firearm affidavit: attempting to buy a gun while under a protective order.

Had a kid convicted of arson for burning some variant of nerf darts in his room and not even trying to set anything else on fire.

I have seen convictions and charges for everything on this list.

And always remember, almost half (45%) of people are in prison for probation or parole violations, huge swathes of that number for doing things that would be legal and fine for you and me but are not fine because they’re on probation.

This is why overpolicing matters: because normal shit gets regularly criminalized for certain populations.

Forgot a big one! Have you ever shared painkillers or anti-anxiety meds or other controlled substances (obtained with a prescription) with other family members?

That is in fact drug dealing. The defense to it is “accommodation” — as in, I was accommodating someone, not dealing for profit — and accommodation, uh, slightly reduces how bad of a felony it is and does nothing else.

The person who is accommodated also has committed felony possession of controlled substance.

This is why people with Adderall prescriptions only use the original pill bottle. Because they could get charged with a felony at any point if they don’t, just because an officer thinks it’s not theirs.

I work with kids who are on probation and a big one for then is about ‘affiliating with known gang members.’ Which is difficult to manage when you’ve been placed in a school for expelled students - many of whom are on probation for gang-related charges. Or…hey…not sure how a kid can avoid associating with gang members when their neighbors and uncles and siblings and parents whom they live with are also gang members. What precisely is a teen supposed to do when their mom is the one driving them around town at night to do shit?

I had a student get arrested and incarcerated for months because his probation officer found a bag of thc candy in his room. We’re in California; he shares a room with an older brother. Everyone in that house uses marijuana. And now this kid is shouldering all the blame and guilt for that.

I had a student get arrested for talking back and being 'disrespectful’ to his probation officer. An angry, traumatized teenager shouted at his P.O. and the result was him getting hauled away from school in cuffs.

Two students at my school got into a mutual fight - no one was injured. One was on probation and one wasn’t. The one not on probation was suspended for a couple of days, and when he returned he’s enrolled in our anger managment group. The one on probation was hauled away in cuffs and now he will spend Thanksgiving and possibly Christmas in juvenile hall.

I dont know what I’m concluding with all this except, yeah…so many people get labeled as 'criminals’ as kids and it is damn near impossible to shake off that label once it’s been assigned. The system we have is horrifyingly unjust.

Here’s a fun set of examples for this:

Native American children significantly more likely to be arrested, detained in Washington

Before and after trial and even for low-level, nonviolent crimes, Native American youths are locked up at higher rates.

KNKX Public Radio

According to 2023 data from the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Indigenous juveniles in Washington are nearly 30 times more likely to be sent back to detention over an administrative probation violation, like missing a check-in with their probation officer, than white children.

uncleasad:

valleyoftheyuri:

songue85:

hesbythecampfire:

fxlthyangxl-deactivated20240122:

website

StopNCII.org is operated by the Revenge Porn Helpline which is part of SWGfL, a charity that believes that everyone should benefit from technology, free from harm. Founded in 2000, SWGfL works with a number of partners and stakeholders around the world to protect everyone online

Sounds legit

Stop Non-Consensual Intimate Image Abuse | StopNCII.org

StopNCII.org is operated by the Revenge Porn Helpline which is part of SWGfL, a charity that believes that all should benefit from technolog

stopncii.org

everyone reblog this!!

[Image ID: screenshot from TikTok(?) containing the following text:

Cousins, if someone ever edits your photo with Al or Photoshop to create a nude photo, then you go to www.stopncii.org/and submit the original photo and the edited photo, then they will remove the edited photo from all the places on the Internet. You don’t need to talk directly to anyone for this and your identity will remain confidential

/end ID]

Per StopNCII.org, only their partner sites will remove the images, not “all the places on the Internet”—but that’s better than nothing.

animentality:

maxknightley:

actualized-animal:

an aging newspaper cartoonist is drawing dilbert arriving at the pearly gates as we speak

an actually funny version of this would be st peter rejecting scott’s application and telling him he’s not a good culture fit