ugh thank you for reminding me of this so I can lose my mind about it all over again. god I NEED fic set in that six month period where shane thinks ilya’s dropped him. the shame the embarrassment!! the sense of painful betrayal shane tries not to feel because it’s so humiliating that he feels betrayed!! because that means that he trusted ilya and that means he fell hook line and sinker for ilya’s whole act. I feel like after the first month or so of ilya leaving him on read shane tries really hard to put it out of his mind and not think about it anymore, which of course just means he’s thinking about it all the time. he’s lacing up his skates wondering if ilya told anyone, if it was some kind of bet or dare, if ilya laughed about taking his virginity after. he’s lying awake during his pregame nap unable to sleep thinking about how the sex rocked the foundations of his world and for ilya it was just another tuesday. he’s at dinner with the pikes passing the salad and flushing hot thinking about how he brought ilya into his home, took ilya inside his body, came without even being touched, and now ilya rozanov will always know that about him: how badly shane wanted it, how hungry he was for it. and the worst part is that now shane knows exactly how good it is!!! and he’s never going to have it again!!!