Batfam × Neglected Reader!
- One Last Warmth.
*SENSETIVE TOPIC! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSETIVE!
IMP: character death, angst, no happy ending, neglect, weight shaming, insecurities, apperance shaming,
It’s cold as usual, the manor was gigantic too big for just a small group of people to live in, your side of the house felt like a ghost place.
The wind wouldn’t stop blowing inside, no matter how hard you tried to find it’s source the feeling of coldness hitting your back kept on occuring over and over.
Wearing jackets doesn’t help, the wind always return and always seems to blow in such ways that it felt like it was desperately kissing your back with it’s usual coldness.
You stood near the rusted window, looking out into the garden. Your hands hold onto the molding curtains.
Staring at the sight of the oldest son and the second youngest playfully - one sided - fighting.
Dick Grayson was the oldest of the family, the first person everyone went to whenever everything went down hill.
The second youngest was Damian Wayne, he was something else… Completely different from Dick yet Dick seems to adore him more due to the obvious difference.
Your smile halted as your eyes wandered onto the curtain, your scrummy little hands were grabbing onto to.
Black and white together, the black at the centre and white at the edge spread all across the light yellow curtain like paint drops… Molds were something no one would thought to see in the Wayne’s Manor.
Yet it was there infront of you, have been for a while… Maybe two months? You couldn’t pinpoint when they started to harmonized with you, settling in your room like it was meant to be.
Alfred doesn’t clean your room. He never did.
Ever since you’ve arrived he hasn’t even step or have seen your room, he avoid your side of the manor like a plague.
So, your room have been collecting every type of germs throughout the years and suddenly molds began to form… Great.
Going outside your room the coldness intensified more than every yet you didn’t shiver. You were used to the coldness of the house.
Walking into the kitchen you opened the fridge only for it to slam back shut, your fingers almost caught by the door.
You looked up at the person, Alfred. His usual smile glared at you with something else as he adjust himself.
“Master (___), you mustn’t snack too much”.
His word’s sharp. You couldn’t understand why it was so wrong to snack… Everyone eat as much as they want, why can’t you?
“Why?”
You asked confused as he shake his head in disappointment, like your questions clearly had answer writtin on his forehead.
“You’ll gain unnecessary weight master… It’s unpleasant to be improper but a little more weight and you might… Tho it is your choice”
He doesn’t dare to complete his word either, maybe he was afraid you’ll cry or worse complain to Bruce. Tho, everyone knew he didn’t like you.
Alfred doesn’t seem faze at all, his own words didn’t bother him rather he looks like he stated an obvious truth no one wanted to hear.
“Jason does it… So does Dick”
A sigh left Alfred mouth his hands rested on your back now, patting you there with his eyes focus on you.
“You’re not them, they exercise daily. You don’t. Looking at you already it’s apparent that you need to fix your diet, young master”
You look down at your body in confusion and shame, you looked fine. You were healthy, weren’t you?
“I look… fine”
You mutter out. Fidgeting with your hands you began to pull on the skin at the side of your pinky, to distract yourself from the embarassment.
“It’s quite normal for our minds to lie to make ourselves feel better, such instance include your mind morphing into pure delusion… Like thinking you’re in the same catagory of looks to your other family members.”
Your mouth gap open abit as you inhale from your mouth, your blood went cold and yet your skin was burning hot.
You bit inside your cheeks to stop yourself from thinking the worst but the way Alfred began to form a smile as your figures become smaller was terrifying.
Maybe he was right, maybe you are indeed putting on weight and cannot see it. Maybe you aren’t as pretty as you thought you were… Why is his words getting in your head for?
You nod awkwardly as you walked away, wanting to be away from the kitchen as soon as possible…
Later that evening, as you were outside sitting on the concrete part of the step legs touching the perfectly grown grass you felt a presence behind you.
You’ve been sitting outside for hours, not wanting to step inside the house ever since Alfred said that.
You’ve been picking at your skin to try not to cry yet it was painfully obvious that you cannot hold back much.
Touching your cheeks and you felt that they were heavy, too big and feels large on your hands suddenly.
Your stomach pocking out didn’t feel natural anymore rather it feels wrong… You wanted to suck in but that wouldn’t help the truth.
The fats around your thigh and arms were bothering you now, measuring it with your tiny hands which didn’t fit around them, your hearts sank deep inside you.
Alfred was right, you’re gaining weight… Some people are still pretty even with some weight but… But him mentioning that you didn’t even fit to be in the same catagory on terms of beauty with anyone in the family told you otherwise.
Even if you loose weight or gain, you’ll still be the obnoxious one thinking they are pretty cause their siblings are… When it’s clear as daylight they aren’t.
You turn back to see Dick, flashing his usual smile and wave at you. Not noticing or refusing to acknowledge how small you were becoming.
On his left hand was a small package of cold treat of sweets.
He settle next to you as his eyes wanders onto Damian training, even when he indulge himself with you he always look at the others.
But yet with them he always pay full attention. It was as if he only indulge himself with you because it was his duty as the oldest and not because he wanted to.
Placing the cold package near you he shove the spoon on your hand.
“Everyone else rejected. Eat it up, don’t wanna waste good treats like this”
You look at the package and pick it it up, slowly turning it from the logo to the percentage board.
You’ve never been one to check such things rather you always eat anything offered to you, yet your new behaviour doesn’t strick any warning to Dick.
Staring at the fat percentage you were reluctant… Saturated fat, transferred fat, amount of sugar… everything was two digit or almost… You sigh.
You were hungry. So Fucking hungry.
Yet your hands, eyes, body, part of your mind was telling you that starving for only abit was better than eating whatever offered to you like a dog.
Putting the package down on the cement floor with the spoon on top you gently push it to his side.
“I rather not, im not hungry”
His eyes narrowed at your words. His smile frown down abit, staring into your soul. He took the package and stood up.
“Why are you so ungrateful?”.
His questions too sudden and completely new to you, you couldn’t answer… You couldn’t process anything and why he was mad.
“I-”
“If anyone offered you, you should take it like someone with manners. You got nothing else if you don’t have manners ”.
He was calling you plane. You have nothing else, not beauty, not a good physice , no talent, no skill… A nobody amongst them meant you’re trash at the bottom of the sea.
He threw the food in the bin and walked away, leaving you dumbfounded. Biting on your lips, biting hard. For a normal person you would have bleed out from the place you bit yet nothing came out.
Your lips were cold, the tip of your fingers were too. Like you’ve spent the day in antartica…
You’ve been sitting outside under the sun for hours yet the cold and wet feelings wrapped around your skin never left.
“Why… is it cold?”
You ask yourself, as you look at Dick who was chatting with Barbara with his usual smile.
Like what happened now was just your imagination. Like he didn’t just berated you for refusing his offer. He didn’t ask why, he didn’t try to understand, to him what you present on the outside is the maximum amount he was willing to see.
Yet, when everyone else was making mistakes he took his sweet times to understand, stand by their side… Why was he so reluctant with you?.
He always was hesitant with you. Taking Damian’s side when he hit you ‘accidentally’… He was on the opposite side of yours always.
“… Go inside”
A new voice ring into your ears. Turning back you look to see who it was.
It was Jason, hands in pocket. His presence in the manor was countable with just one hand… Seeing him was rare.
“Huh?”
You asked, confused.
“You’re the least appealing thing to stare at, do the world a favour and stay indoor”.
He sounds so unbothered, unlike Alfred who tried to smile at you atleast this was different. Jason face didn’t bear anything fake rather he sounds serious.
Your relationship with Jason was the worst among the siblings.
When you first arrived he wasn’t present, for a year straight you didn’t even knew who he was and how he looked.
Until the day you were sitting outside Bruce office as you have been asking his reason for missing your import speech on parents day.
You remembered, standing infront of hundreds of kids and parents. Your heart pounding against your chest as the mic that was hold by it’s stand was infront of you.
It was even hard to swallow your saliva yet your smile was radiant. Some people taking a picture yet no one from your family to be seen.
You tilted your head around looking lost yet no one… You hold the hem of your white satin dress, which Bruce gave to you saying you’ll be the best looking that day.
Yet his words were nothing but lies. He wasn’t ready for your questions if he was honest.
He always resented you, he tried to like you he couldn’t. He just can’t look at you without being disgusted by the resemblance.
You were so young yet everything and everyone in this life wanted to taint you.
You realised that Bruce hated your voice, it rings like a metal bell that was hit with brute force using a manually made stick for it.
That day before you could knock you heard him… Jason inside the office as well his voice was annoyed and mocking towards Bruce.
“Didn’t knew you were shelters for whores and their children”
Your ears pick up their conversation… You were curious you which we never were.
“Do not speak in such ways… She’s your sister”
Bruce voice was annoyed as well, you could hear shuffling inside… Like Bruce or Jason just lay some paper on the table.
“Hm… A whore’s child is a true discription… Say is it true that she’s your biological child? I was expecting something more from you, didn’t know whores were your thing ”.
The room went silent, as if Bruce was contemplating life.
“…As I thought”.
Jason began again as something heavy lands on the table.
“Why do you feel the need to lie… To everyone, even to her? Why is that? I understand hiding it from the media but even from Alfred and Dick… Are you ashamed that you couldn’-”
“Enough… That’s enough Jason”.
Bruce voice steady now as his voice raised abit.
“… Shutting others up whenever you can’t handle it… Real mature, real batsy of you”.
Jason chuckled, you couldn’t tell at what but you did hear Bruce mutter something under his breath.
“I have heard enough and seen enough, you’re no fit to be a father…”
With that said you heard shuffling and before you could escape the door open as a tall and muscular man exit.
His black hair with a streak of white at the front as his eyes looked down at you, a faint smirk plastered on his face. As if he was mocking Bruce by finally meeting you.
Without a word he began to walk away… Bruce doesn’t seem to realise you have overheard and the man didn’t tell or react much as if he knew you have been there since the beginning.
Snapping back you looked at his eyes the same one that met yours… The one who told you about the truth that Bruce wanted to bury.
You knew that you were his biological child like Damian yet he didn’t see or wish to let anyone in on that part.
“Wearing a sweater and all in the middle of summer. If you’re trying to kill yourself don’t involve the rest”
You were indeed wearing a fuzzy sweater in the middle of summer… Yet you felt cold enough that you have been sitting under the sun.
“Alright”
You didn’t argue not anymore, everyone else is so scary whenever you don’t obey immediately.
They’re stronger that’s a fact that they love to flaunt around you, their saying goes and if they say you need to leave you always did.
Even during movies whenever there wasn’t enough space and even if you were the one who took the blanket or food and you were the first to settle, you just had to sit on the cold floor without the blanket you took and barely any food.
You felt like a completely strangers that forced their way into the house…
The coldness would intensify, the feeling of the cold ground against your skin, the alienation from your own family, rejection and being deemed as lesser than anyone else.
And now Jason telling you to leave the garden when he wasn’t a resident was pulling the strings to your delicate heart.
You always dreamt of standing your ground but when it does happen… The warmth washed out of your blood as coldness indulge itself.
Wrapping it’s string around your throat threatening to stop you from breathing if you even tried… So, you always end up at the bottom.
At dinner you sat patiently waiting for the food to he served by Alfred. Atleast dinner is healthy there wasn’t a reason to hold back.
Infront of everyone was a set of plate and utensils the table busy with words.
Evryone got food on their plate except yours, your stomach rumbled silently yet not silent enough for Damian to overhear.
“Where’s my food?”
You asked confused, Alfred might hate you but he wouldn’t be this ruthless…
“I supposed you have forgotten my advice young master”
Alfred sat on his table as he pick up his fork.
Evryone eyes set on you and him yet no one said anything.
“But im hungry, I’ll starve if I don’t eat… ”
You muttered out, if you dare to speak normally he could easily frame that you were being a brat… So keeping it low meant there was less reason for him to hate you.
“You act just an ill mannered pig that act like they’ve never eaten anything, I supposed you being hungry meant im correct that you are indeed one kind of a pig”
Damian said aloud, he had a small smile on his face from his obvious insult yet it didn’t bother you much now.
He was always ruthless and insulted your existence like you did something to him.
At first Dick or Tim would told him to stop but now they were just listening in, not feeling the need to protect you from his words.
“He’s right, you eat alot. You don’t burn those calories either…”
Tim who was sitting adjacent to you added.
“If your face becomes chubby you’ll look like a blubber fish”
Damian decided to add salt to the wound as Barbara end’s up laughing so did Stephanie and Dick.
Your head hang low as you were on the verge of tearing up. You were starving, cold and talked down upon every day of your pathetic life .
You’ve done nothing to these people you called family. Yet they found something so entertaining in seeing you suffer quietly as if you were their personal clown that cannot do anything but accept it’s faith.
“That- THAT was rude but… Funny. I cannot even swallow my food now my stomach hurt”
Barbara said as she was smiling wide, her eyes looking at you hanging your head low yet her laughter didn’t stop.
Exactly as you thought, they would never stop even when you’re dying.
“Enough, eat”.
Bruce spoke out finally, he was the real enabler of the family… Always letting you suffer and ignoring it.
The rest of the family began to eat as you sit there without any food on your plate just watching them enjoy whatever they wanted as you starved.
After dinner which you were forced to watch until everyone else finish their food you took a crumb of food off the table while everyone wasn’t looking.
It was disgusting but you’re starving and even a grain of rice would be nice… God you were real pathetic for picking up a crumb and eating it like a dog.
Everyone left and you eventually went to your room, the one furthest from the rest.
The door creaked opened as you close it behind you. The cold air hitting you once more, you could see the smoke of hot air leaving your mouth as you breath something you’ll likely see in winter not summer.
You began to shiver uncontrollable, as you stumble into your bed. There was atleast four blanket to cover you as you curl up like a baby… Yet it was cold as ice.
Your lips went purple as you could hear the faint sound of water rippling calmly. The smell of nature and the suffocating feeling of water drowing you.
You bit on your arm out of hunger, they were right you have always been so hungry ever since you started to walk around the forest.
Anything you eat always end up somewhere else never ingested by your body, it never even reach your stomach you have been starving for two month straight.
Staring at the arm you bit not even a tint of red appears even tho you almost took a chunk of your own skin.
Yeah… It is getting to you.
The day you took of into the forest was your worst mistake.
Because that day Damian told the one person you like something embarassing at school.
Saying you used to watch him all the time and how you gush about him even took pictures of him, which was a total lie.
Not only that he wrote a love letter to him in your name copying your handwriting as well. He wrote how you would make out with a picture of him, how you wanted everyone else in his life to gone and replaced by you and even curse out your best friend… Calling her a whore that was stealing him.
That day the guy you like stood infront of you his eyes widen as he clutch onto a letter not knowing anything.
You greet him happily into he threw the letter at you and cursed you out infront of everyone.
Your explanation and attempt only fell on deaf ear even your bestfriend who promised to always trust you left you that day, not without clapping you and taking a button from your uniform as she was grabbing onto you.
You ended up being a weird stalker. Everything you had left… you spent years building down the drain all because Damian was bored during class.
As you step further into the forest you met a guy, middle age. He smiled so kindly and spoke so gently that you didn’t even realise his intentions.
You were so desperate for any kind of love that you didn’t realise you ran straight into the devil’s arm.
You remembered being dragged by the hair, his much stronger physic and him being a a grown adult meant you didn’t have a chance.
His hand grab your hair as he drag you near the river, you struggle bit and even scream yet the forest wouldn’t let your voice be heard.
You silently prayed as he drag you, clothes gathering dirt and mud.
You thought.
“God, just give me the strength and I’ll do whatever you want… I’ll stand up for myself starting today, I’ll talk to him and explain about the letter, I’ll hug her and explain… I wouldn’t be quite anymore… I want to he happy, please”
Tears roll down your cheek as the man continues on.
“I’ll stop complaining so much, I’ll even stop trying to get everyone to like me. I’ll do anything just don’t let me die… I don’t want to die. I want to live a little longer. To see what my mother’s look like, to feel the warmth of love, I refuse to die… But please, just for once let me have something ”
That’s the last thing you thought before he push you into the water, his hand rest on your chest as you faced him directly.
Without any hesitation he push you down the river as he straddle you, keeping half your body off the water and the other half inside the river.
You could see his smirk as your small frame struggles to get away from his grip. He got pleasured from seeing you drown slowly to be the one in control of someone’s life.
He left after three hours, even after the light left you he stayed longer. Your body still in the same position.
The upper part of your body was inside the river as he placed a big rock on your arms to keep you submerged.
The bottom part of your body too was pinned down with rocks on your left leg only. He lost interest on you and left before he tried to pin your right leg.
That day you went back home. You knew your cruel faith yet that didn’t stop your persistence for warmth.
It was as if the world wish to see you suffer as much as possible, your wish was granted. You couldn’t leave and be at peace until you feel the warmth of your family.
In a sick and twisted turn, your last purpose was to have the love you have been starving for.
Your body was still present in the river, molding, decomposing, eaten by bugs and animals. The disgusting smell hidden by something else, the forest hiding your body.
It was cold and starved, strip of it’s last dignity as it lays there forgotten by the world. As your soul lived on, every day you’ll feel as if the cold wind is kissing you, starving as you didn’t have anyone to love you… It’ll get worse day by day.
The longer they refused to let you feel loved the longer your suffering even as a goul. If you can’t complete your last wish your soul would turn into a rotten combination of a monster, to be berated and isolated for life.
