so we know dean is prone to altering his memory so he's the one at fault right. so what if he remembers cas being taken by the empty because he confessed to cas
Hey, OP, thanks for the absolute shotgun blast to the gut, I hope this hurts you just as much<3
---
“I love you.”
Those three words had been the end of it all, the final nails in Cas’ coffin.
And the worst part is that the bastard had smiled.
He’d smiled, like his life wasn’t about to rapidly end in some dingy, dark basement, only leaving behind a bloody stain on Dean’s jacket as proof he ever even existed.
Love is what killed Cas.
No.
Dean killed Cas.
He’d been selfish, the weight of the world on his shoulders and Cas had smiled and confessed that he had a plan and Dean had known, he’d known in his bones that Cas didn’t plan to leave the dungeon with him.
And well… Dean was either going to walk out that door with his best friend or not at all.
He didn’t want to hear about Cas’ true happiness, he knew it lay in Jack, in the family he’d carved out for himself despite Dean’s numerous attempts to blow it all to hell.
He’d laid it all out for Cas while Billie slammed on the door.
How he see’s himself, how he’s just a broken instrument, how he’s hateful, angry. How he fights for selfish reasons, because he’s just so fucking scared that one day everyone will realize he’s not worth the effort.
Cas had cried and Dean had wanted to grab his face and wipe the tears away, but he didn’t, because he didn’t deserve to, all he was doing in that moment was digging his own grave because never once did he think Cas could feel the same way about him.
“Don’t do this Cas…” His voice had cracked and wavered, his eyes pinned to the floor in shame. He knew how pathetic he looked, begging Cas to get off the cross and stop being the martyr just this once, but he’d still forced his gaze up and locked eyes with the man who’d gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.
A man who once said they had a profound bond.
His best friend.
“I love you.”
Cas’ fate was drenched in blood the moment Dean saw him, Dean just wishes it hadn’t been him that had pulled the trigger.
All because he was a selfish human.
Who thought his feelings were so important when the world was collapsing in on itself.
He killed Cas. He’s done it before and he did it again and there isn’t even a body to bury and Cas had smiled at him.
Fuck…
Cas had grabbed onto Dean’s arm, right where he had the first time they met, and tossed him to the ground and it was validating for a moment.
There’s no way Cas could be happy now, not when he was so disgusted at Dean's confession. That was the plan. Dean didn’t care if Cas hated him, as long as Cas stuck around to do so.
Then he’d seen the bubbling, black tar on the wall.
It went after Billie first, who’d burst into the room with celestial fury, dragging her into nothingness in seconds.
But the empty had taken more time with Cas, slowly encasing him while Cas turned to Dean with a sickening look of fondness.
It’s like it wanted Dean to see every excruciating bit of the angels ending.
Then Cas was gone.
And now Dean’s alone again.
Sam doesn't know and, as much as he hopes the same goes for Jack, he’s almost certain that Jack’s omnipotent power let him see how his father had met his fate. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t visited the bunker since he ascended, Dean still hates John’s killer, he can’t imagine the kid would want to see Dean again.
He’s probably not making it to heaven either.
But that’s okay.
His heaven was Cas and, if he can’t have that, then there’s really no happy ending at the end of his book.
