papenathys:

timetravellingkitty:

my revolutionary idea for bollywood is having typical funny bollywood romcoms but starring women. both of them are women. you see the potential for lesbian jab we met right. the villain will be incel ranbir kapoor tries to phasao his lesbian friend until she frees herself from the shackles of heteronormativity and freaks to women until he walks out of her wedding. it will star katrina kaif because 1. she needs revenge against him and 2. she made me gay

My pitch:

Ranbir plays a business bro in some mega dick measuring Fortune 500 type business scheme in Mumbai. His NRI, Harvard degree in Gender Studies “don’t work I make enough for both of us” trophy wife is Katrina Kaif (high femme, red lipstick, Anais Nin core). They are like Connor and Willa from Succession except she genuinely dgaf about that man, her parents and his parents just swam in the Ambani pools together.

Then, a bright eyed intern joins the office (played by some newbie with talent who is NOT nepo) and ofc Ranbir being gross and annoying makes HR violating moves against her, because that is the kind of man HE IS IN REAL LIFE. And to “smooth over some details” he keeps invading her boundaries and brings her over to his place. At his disgusting showy Bandra penthouse (are there penthouses in Bandra), she meets his wife and they bond over the fact that they both want Ranbir dead. This then sets off a friendship that culminates in aesthetic sequences by the Marine Drive. Preferably in the monsoon so people know this is a tasteful subversion of Wake Up Sid.

Eventually it is revealed that Ranbir has been serially cheating on his wife for decades (Deepika uncredited voice role informs Kat on the telephone), and then the two women, intern and wife, decide to achieve gender equality, by proceeding to have a torrid affair with tastefully filmed love scenes that are set against the tunes of a Filmfare winning OST by Pritam Chakraborty created by stealing tunes from seventeen different albums released in the States during the Bush administration. There is a club scene. SRK makes an appearance at the nightclub and says “Arre bhai, main toh himedanshi ho gaya” while waving a lesbian flag.

At the end of the film, Ranbir begs for forgiveness, and Katrina refuses to forgive him. He asks her to consider their happy memories, but she shoves him and tells him to go back to his newest arm candy secretarial hire, while she gets married to her new young butch gf in Udaipur, with a dance number Deewangi style where Madhuri Dixit shows up and reminds everyone that lesbian love enriches the universe (Deepika attends, they are besties now).

Ranbir cries, throws up, decides to quit his business bro life and start an organic farm in Coonoor, but when he walks into his office to gather his things the sensor light switches on, and he spots the new secretary stepping into his room. Boom, it’s Imran Khan. Boom, slow motion, fan wind blows into their faces as they lock eyes. Ranbir begins to speak but drops his folder, before he can retrieve it, Imran picks it up for him and kabedons him against the cubicle. Ranbir gulps, says “S-senpai”? They passionately make out. He looks at the camera and says, “Guess this really was my Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani”. Fade to black, roll credits, directed by Karan Johar. Sequel to come featuring Varun Sidharth Alia Kiara in a quartet. Like and subscribe for more.

(via papenathys)