scarlet's mess

rating hobbies i did cuz why not !

Clay charms

absolutely horrible, i used cheap air dry clay so it was really bad. the charms were so fragile and broke easily. and it was hard to shape. i did make some cute stuff but i guess ceramic clay OR a proper air dry clay. but since i dont have an oven i couldn’t buy polymer clay. but it was okay, gave me some satisfaction. if i had tools like hooks n stuff to make it an actual charm it would’ve been better! also i couldnt make big objects, just small sized bits. also makes my hands fucking itch.

rating: 5/10

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I’m so excited to get my tarot cards i wish i could get him RIGHT NOW !!!! UGHHHHHHH I CANT WAIT AT ALL

ALSO! HOW DARE I FORGET! I picked up the guitar again after a year of not playing it ><

ugh finally started ny winter break! this semester was pretty short, or maybe because i didnt go to uni rvery single day so it was much calmer and easier to handle. forever grateful and i hope it stays like this! :3

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I’m so fucking tired

it’s been a while since i posted here 😭 i dont believe that a date is supposed to be the shifting point into a new orbit of one’s life, i believe we get to decide when that “new year” truly comes. but I can’t help feeling the excitement from everyone’s enthusiasm.

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asked my professor to help and he tells me to ask chatgpt

we are cooked

guys this video by dr k lowkey makes so much sense. i THOUGHT i achieved self love but after a while i just realized nope. i am still way too harsh on myself and the goal isnt self love but self respect and neutrality.

also a bit controversial but loving yourself would be really hard- nearly impossible if you’ve never felt genuine love.

and that’s what i realized right now. in order to love yourself it has to be taught :// which kind of explains why i am still struggling with it.
my parents love feels either conditional or obligatory. family love doesn’t really count in my opinion. even so, the only person i am certain she loves me is my mom. and even that doesn’t feel fulfilling.

but also self love isnt so dramatic like we think it is.
self respect IS also love, having boundaries and knowing your limits and being kind is also self love. but we don’t understand this because we are so focused on the bigger picture that we don’t realize how just a small choice towards yourself IS considered loving and caring for yourself. idk.

it’s so funny when my classmates panic when they say a curse word around me because in their opinion I am very innocent despite how I’m literally older than all of them when in reality they don’t even know me like they have no idea I’m not that innocent I have thought and opinions and even beliefs that literally send them into coma