Last night I dreamt I had to catch a rare golden cockroach for scientists and then naturally we went to a sex club to celebrate where a girl sat on my face but she complained the whole time and said “it’s like you’re thinking about cockroaches or something”
I love folklore so much because depending on the location and era it comes from it’s either the most terrifying concept or the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard
Mexican Folklore: You think this place is a Normal Location? Tch. You fool. Everyone knows this place is the SCARY Location.
British Folklore: There’s a little Beast in your house… make sure you give it the necessary porridge……. otherwise it might turn to mischief…….
German Folklore: For the love of God, do NOT trust hot people and do NOT trust babies and do NOT trust short men and do NOT trust Christmas and do NOT trust sausage and do NOT trust the elderly and
US Folklore: This Giant Boy From Texas Is God’s Favorite
I was discussing that “Pennywise ends up in Derry, Ireland instead of Derry, Maine” post with my husband, and he was saying that the Derry Girls wouldn’t even set out to defeat Pennywise. The “A” plot would be that Erin lost her mother’s necklace down the drain and they have to go into the sewers to get it, and the fact that there’s a killer clown down there that they have to fight is second to what Erin’s mother will do if they don’t find her necklace.
At a conveyer belt sushi restaurant.
The appropriate response.
Bela Lugosi about his female fans
GORDON RAMSAY: Right mate, I had a look at the walk-in and it’s a fucking disgrace. How often did you say you swap out the imprisoned child whose continual suffering is the bedrock of your patrons’ happiness
MANAGER: The suffering child? Once a year, chef
GORDON RAMSAY: My eye you do! Yours’s been in there so long he’s gone beardy! Fuck me, he looks like he could just rent a car and drive off any day now. No wonder everybody who sees this place walks away from it
[video by dhtoomey. caption: Breaking news, short kings)
gummybearattacktheworldofdespair:
what people think turning the oven to 600 degrees for 10 minutes will do
