WHAT IS THE CHARGE? EATING A PENGUIN? A SUCCULENT ADÉLIE PENGUIN?

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

drew some kiddos

dude turn on the tv. any streaming service. except for the ones that didn’t get the exclusive licensing rights to breaking news. which is almost all of them. so turn on CNN+, I think they got it. Bro you’re not paying for CNN+? What the fuck man. How else are you gonna- Just pay the $15, man. they hit the fucking Chicago bean dude

Love playing with this trio

nobody asked but its very funny that this is the top post of all time in the adhd women subreddit

People on Tumblr love sharing information about themselves no matter how asinine it is. And I'm the same way. Everybody tell me what the last thing you drank was.

huuuughhhhh yahoo selling scraped data from tumblr to AI sloo probably uughhhwaaauuwghhhhhh

bwwaaaughhhhhhgggh enshittification continues

this is what you're looking for to opt out!!!

It's under Visibility, noy Privacy like I assumed at first.

new phone who dis? (one extra france down below)

"We're excited to have something new to read" oh so you admit it sucks that no new art is getting made ever? You crave new stories and new experiences even though you have the sum total of all of humanity's knowledge and memories? You're mindlessly marching towards humanity's extinction but the prospect of a new romance book still excites you? What was that thing y'all said about Carol not knowing she's drowning?

There’s like. No connection between attractiveness and personality and whether you date a lot or get married. Some of the shittiest people I know are married. Some of the kindest most beautiful people I know are perpetually single. Literally never look at your love life as any sign of your worth.

A public announcement. If discord gifts you a free trial of nitro for absolutely no reason and it is forced on your account and you do decide to indulge in it. do NOT set your per server profile picture to spamton for the bit just before it expires. It remains spamton in your friends’ notifications and you will never be able to remove it ever again and they will screenshot your messages liek he is saying them

can't believe spamton would say this

youd think a band named violent femmes would be made up of violent femmes. but it isnt. its dudes

genuinely no mary... the australian dollar is not doing great right now

i need to type with more of an accent

youse may bloody reckon a band name of violent femmes'd be a buncha sheilas after a couple bundy cokes. but it aint. packa blokes.

we need more autistic jocks btw. jocks who are obsessive nerds about their sport of choice. jocks who are rigid about their workout routines and obsessed with the math of performance statistics and nutrition and reps. jocks who don't have time for alcohol or misogyny because why are you guys chugging beer and trash talking we need to be TRAINING. guy with no tolerance for homophobia because Teammate Trevor is an integral part of the strategy play who cares who he's dating

more jocks whose sole interest is playing the game to the very best of their ability, and infodumping doing a play-by-play review immediately afterwards at the sports bar while his teammates are trying to just get drunk and decompress

thanks to this post I am learning things about baseball against my will 👍

more heads of state should vanish mysteriously into the ocean i miss that

more oligarchs and billionaires should vanish mysteriously into the ocean let's make it happen people 👏

why did my screenshot vanish mysteriously into the ocean

Gaud your first reblog turned into fucking onions

yeah the screenshot wasn't loading so i replaced it with a pile of onions

what if aki owned more than one pair of earrings 🥀🥀