It’s so fucked up that experiences from previous relationships can forever impact your ability to form and maintain new relationships. They should patch that out
Yeah man it’s just like that you got it
tipping
wetracoon asked:
hay Greer in the most polite way possible what the fuck is the Bad Man and why do you own it
pangur-and-grim answered:
step 1) found him in a local auction house
step 2) hired someone off task rabbit to bring him home (took two tries, as the first person cancelled upon receiving photos)
step 3) profit
I have to reblog this every time because frankly this is absolutely genius prose
Oh you want to be a good rescue diver for mommy. Fuck. What an I talking about. Whats the point
woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:
- vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)
- which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.
- luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.
- why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.
- vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.
- then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.
- which then require months of further specialized treatment.
- the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage
- vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.
- the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!
- it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!
- which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s
- Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.
- today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar
- if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!
in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!
(src)
Okay, but what about Saffron? Why is that more expensive?
ok i love saffron but it is a fucking CUNT look at this shit:
this is saffron. it's made up of tiny red threads. each of those threads?
- THREE TO A FUCKING FLOWER.
- it takes 75,000 flowers to make ONE POUND of saffron
- do u see this field? do u see this fucking field?
- this field will produce enough saffron to fit in a goddam...baggie? a basket? a smallish bucket, perhaps?
- and did I MENTION
- the harvesting has to be done BY HAND
- are u
- are u comprehending
- the Bullshit, are u comprehending it yet?
- can u imagine. having to sit over a pile of thousands of blossoms and pick each. motherfucking. thread. by hand.
- and after hours and hours
- (your joints aching)
- (your fingers stained)
- after hours of this nonsense, lo and behold! you have harvested--about a thimble full of fucking saffron
- jesus wept and so should you
she's such a whore why do i love her
*pointing at the banilla beans, after explaining to my girlfriend that the pollination method was to push the pollen back into the flower
THESE, These are selfcest beans!
Due to powerful tides, this teeming reef has become a series of shallow tide pools. An Epaulette shark is caught on the reef in the deadly Australian sun. Not to fear, this little shark has evolved ways to survive out of water. By shutting down its organs one by one, it can cope without oxygen sixty times longer than a human. And, if necessary, it can switch to survival tactic number two; it can use its fins as a pair of rudimentary legs to make its way back to the nearest tide pool, and the cool ocean water. This is the only shark that can walk its way out of trouble.
Cutie walking sharks! Yay!
Look at this soggy lost dog
🌾🌾🌾
Harvesting my wheat
Hehehehehe
Can I fucking help you?
my senior english teacher told me that any scene with a woman in a cornfield in every piece of literature ever is about her journey to womanhood/pleasuring herself in the field and i just.... believed her
What
What
My little brother got a copy of the art of war by sun tzu for Christmas and I'll never know peace again
He flipped it open and said "let me read you the introduction: (record scratch) Yep, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I ended up in this situation-"
He keeps opening it and pretending to read quotes that are definitely not from the art of war he just hit me with "was that the bite of '87??? Sun Tzu said that."
