I think one of the most tragic parts of regeneration must be, at least for the Doctor, having to comfort other people about your own death.
like you just went through a terribly traumatic event, felt every cell in your body die, lost your internal sense of self to the point you don’t even know your favourite foods anymore or what clothes you like to wear. and before you can even decide whether you will grow to like this new you, this you that you didn’t even properly choose to become, you have to prove to others that you’re still worthwhile.
you have to explain your traumatic death to people who don’t know, because they’ll never experience this and they know nothing of your culture, and beg your closest friends not to be angry. not to abandon you. you have to let them mourn the dead you while you’re still learning how to find joy in the new you. you have to assure them you’re still the same person they loved in the same few days where your name is only just on the tip of your tongue and all of your memories have different faces than your own.
your death didn’t happen to you, it happened to them, so there is no time to be insecure or decompress. you have to be the most You you’ve ever been, or they’ll leave. they always leave in the end, but you need them now more than ever, and if you aren’t You Enough, if they can’t move on from the old you, they’ll leave the new you all alone.
Sometimes they won’t even stick around that long. The mere idea of a new you will be too much, so you’ll have to pretend that you’d rather start your new life alone anyways.
When twelve said they prefer to die with their own kind so they aren’t buried too early, I can’t help but think it’s easier for smaller deaths too. You die with your own people because they know what it feels like, and they know it’s not about them.
I have spent all day alternately doing laundry and reading Heated Rivalry fics. The rabbit hole is real. And Yana did not help. She was supposed to talk me down. Instead she lit up with YES YES DO THIS SEND ME RECS. Damn her.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76577306 - its a 5 people fic and all you really need to know is that it has so much heart that the Yuna and David chapters made me sob with all the feels.
