striders:

one of my favorite recurring bits that i do is when someone loses any non-phone object (keys, tv remote, debit card, vape, etc) and they’re looking around semi-frantically, i chime in and ask “do you want me to call it?”

bester-jester:

tuxankhamun:

sorry kids daddy lost all his money betting on rhinoceros beetle fights again there won’t be a christmas this year

good news babies, momma just cleared some chump of everything. Two christmases this year. God i love beetles fighting

frengerino:

frengerino:

whenever i’m trying to talk myself out of buying something i don’t need i always hear my old russian professor’s voice echoing in my head: “WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?” and then i make an unwise financial decision

i’m so glad i happened to see these tags this is the best thing anyone has added to this post so far

acemingo:

putridghost:

hymnism:

making a collection

Wait I have more

dramaticwriter:

ryebreadgf:

ryebreadgf:

something something the poetry of science etc

woah

yeah

gummiehell:

swarnpert:

swarnpert:

*right clicks on you*

*views your properties*

innerchildabortionclinic:

[coping like stranger things fans] hey what if there’s a “secret episode” to mom and dads divorce

kitnapz:

she lets me hit because she hasnt memorized my attack patterns

energyprison:

honestly having a brother is a lot like just knowing some guy

rslashrats: