Recent reviews by Biscuitism

Devs censored the game for the console babies. The game's entire identity is about taking down some of the worst types of human beings to ever disgrace our species, and they decided: "UHM, MICRODADDY AND SONYMOMMY SAID WE CAN'T HAVE SUPER SCARY MEANIE BAD THINGS ANYMORE SO WE GONNA REMOVE IT NOW" instead of fighting it, or telling them to go pound sand.

It's always about the money, boys.

Elite: Dangerous is a lesson in patience. Many have waited years for new ships and features, not to mention the Powerplay rework. If you've got the attention span of a goldfish on Speed, you're going to hate travel within solar systems. Some are small, some a hot minute to cross from one end to another. However, exploration can be worth it. I've seen weird explosive crystal formations, planets orbiting so close and so fast to one another I thought I was about to witness a mass extinction event, and deadly pulsar stars. Things are wild out there in the Black, and you can find weird ♥♥♥♥ by just going out in a direction. System travel has improved with SCOs (it's a turbocharged sublight drive), but you have to eyeball the HELL out of your heat gauge. It also screws with your directional thrusters, so buckle up and hold on tight to your mouse or joystick.

Ground is janky as hell. It always has been, and I don't think it's improved since Odyssey launched. Sure, there's been bugfixes, but you can still find a myriad of bugs while exploring on foot.

My biggest gripe on this game is the grind. God, it's bad. If you want to upgrade your suit, your gun, your ship's modules, you have to talk to an Engineer. These're NPCs with the know-how to fine tune your stuff to make them go beyond what they're meant to. See, like in real life you can't get ♥♥♥♥ for free. You're gonna have to do these folks some favors. There's one Engineer who wants drugs. These drugs are a pain to find since they don't always spawn. I had to get a squadron member to sell me some just so I could upgrade my damn suit. Sometimes, you'll have to go and find alien relics. These are a puzzle that you need a buggy for. Which means you'll need to add a very heavy module to your exploration ship, which needs its weight for jumping farther. There's been improvements on finding those sites, and people have long since made guides for them, but you still have to keep going from site to site to get a decent supply of them.

Space combat is fun once you learn how to manage your power supply on the spot, but early on you're gonna be a little squishy babby commander. Stick to exploration and trading until you can buy your first combat ship.

I don't hate this game, but I'm giving this a thumbs down for the grind. It's not fun, and I don't know why so many people like said grind.

WE DID IT, HELLDIVERS. SONY HAS BEEN LIBERATED. GLORY TO SUPER EARTH!

I could have bought myself a nice seafood dinner for the amount of money I bought this game for.

Starfield is just... bland. They took some ideas from other space games and just failed to make them stick. Story is boring, planets are boring, ship building and base building was fun for all of an hour, companions are boring (Sam was a waste of Elias Toufexis' talent.), and Earth's desolation was just... wasted. Like, you'd think after more than a decade of experience with post-apocalyptic scenery they'd have that down.

Powers were fun at first, but quickly became boring. Honestly, even Skyrim's shouts had more oomph to them. Gunplay is just "okay." It's not bad, it's not good, it just exists. Sound design for guns in the game is just... eugh. I doubt a 6.5mm Caseless rifle sounds like Bubba and his sixty sister-wives turned his granpappy's varmint rifle into a submachine gun. But then, I've only shot .22LR, 9mm, .40 S&W, .50 AE, 30-06, and 5.56 NATO, so what do I know?

There was so much potential wasted here. This could've been something, but no. Some corpo jackass in a overpriced three piece suit who's never played video games just had to pad Bethesda's coffers with a game that feels like nobody wanted to make. Let me ask you this: Why? Because it sure as hell didn't feel like it was made by a human being. Sure, maybe mods'll fix it, but was it really worth your time?


TLDR: Go buy yourself a nice dinner, or maybe go buy No Man's Sky. 70 dollars (or your country's equivilant) is a lot of money and your time/health is worth more than this burning trash heap.

MAMA TOLD ME

WHEN I WAS YOUNG

COME SIT BESIDE ME, MY ONLY SON.

NOW LISTEN CLOSELY, TO WHAT I SAY

IT'S ANIME TITS OR YOU HAVE GAY

The Emperor protects, brothers and sisters.

play it during a rainy night, turn off your lights, set some music on shuffle, and set up a night haul. you'll have the comfiest session you'll ever have.

can't wait for florida so i can simulate screaming at idiots during Miami rush hour.

Abolish the ATF
Dismantle the two party system
Israel had it coming
Glass the Pacific Northwest and Commiefornia
Annex Canada
Sombody get Grandpa out of the Oval Office, he's scaring the children
Something a little sus about the Orange Man's trial
Did Epstein really kill himself? I dunno, prolly not.

Redditlands 3: The ♥♥♥♥♥♥ Janny's Treasure Trove

Twitterlands 3: Was/Were Folded/Chair Worm/Food

Wokelands 3: LG/BT-Q+'s Bizzare Adventure

Bodylands 3: Bessie Blob's Gassy Adventure

Tweenlands 3: Mysteriousier and the Questionable Commander Choice

Deviantlands 3: Forced OC and the Bad Writer's Space Adventure


I hate myself and this entire industry.

Yet another review wishing for a neutral response!

This game isn't great, but it's not bad either. Music is trash, so just go set up your own playlist on your choice of music platform. Story is also trash. Go drink some coffee (or tea for you BRI'ISH) while you wait out the cutscenes. Characters are just... bland. Nothing memorable happens and it felt like it was written by twittertards who scream "ACAB! ACAB! ANTIFA DINDU NUFFIN" and can't think for themselves. Seriously, do any of you remember the old police scanner? Where the VAs are actually good and it felt like you were really listening to police band? Now it's, and I ♥♥♥♥ you not, "UUUUUGH GET THIS GUY NOOOOOOW. ITS MAKING ME LOOK BAD ON SOCIAL MEDIA." I have never met a cop who said something like that. I hope to God I never do. Where the hell did it all go wrong? It had to have been after Most Wanted. Maybe Undercover.


Now the good:

Gameplay. That's it. Cars feel great to drive (to me anyway). Sound is alright, nothing amazing, but nothing bad either. I also get to drive a 1990 Mustang Foxbody, and I greatly appreciate that as I wish I could get one that hasn't sat in an open yard since Dubya was president.


At least it's better than Unbound.