Recent reviews by The BodyShot King

Spooks was better.

Do you like murdering scared, defenseless old men just trying to get away from the violence? Do you like circumventing justice and common decency just so you can that last, morally questionable, unnecessarily morbid kill? Then look no further, because Sniper Elite V2 is your one stop shop for all your "mercy" killing needs! Enroll in to the Elite Sniper program and get the unique opportunity at a disappointing finale, an unintentionally hilarious kill shot, and an uncomfortably macabre death sequence! Sign up today!

*Note: Opportunities to kill Hitler questionable at best. Extra charges may apply*

-This elite review brought to you by the Sniper King.

This game will make you want to give in to your anger, to your hatred, and strike down every single person you've ever loved, will love, or even just any old person you meet. Don't do it. Don't even play this game. Turn around now. Bring balance to the force and spend your money elsewhere.

Spoiler alert: You don't reach the Nuclear Throne. You can never reach the Nuclear Throne. There is no Nuclear Throne. The Nuclear Throne is a lie.

Not only is this the worst Resident Evil game ever created, I'd go so far as saying this is the worst action game ever created, with or without zombies. The QTE's brutally difficult, checkpoints are few and far between, and every section where the game forces you apart from your co op partner is both the epitome of frustration, and unforgiving beyond any semblance of reason. And don't even think of rage quitting this maniacal zombie ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, because the game's sporadic save spots will have you repeating entire expanses of certain chapters, which, by the way, can encompass well up to four hours of irritating gameplay. If you like this game, you're the reason Gabe will never release Half LIfe 2: Episode 3.

This game is only slightly better than Cry of Fear, and that's not a compliment.

The Boomette model can eat a ♥♥♥♥.

This game should have been amazing. Poker Night at the Inventory was fun, and Poker Night 2 theoretically improves on every aspect of that game; the decks, tables, and themes you can purchase in-game are of an even better class than ever before, and Telltale pits you against a whole slew of characters who not only live up to, but surpass those of the first installment. On paper, everything is jolly and lovely. But when you first start up the game, you realize something is wrong...horribly wrong. The effort this game forces you to put in to earn its touted TF2 items is a far cry from the laid back nature of Poker Night 1's system. By the time you've earned the fifth, and arguably best, item the game has to offer, you've trudged through 15 disgusting challenges the game concocts for the sole purpose of extending the longevity of the game, all at the expense of the player's mental health. Any joy you may have derived from listening to the delightfully witty banter of characters such as Claptrap or Brock Samson will quickly turn in to teeth-gnashing fury as you feebly try to find a way to skip past all the fluff just to fail the tournament at a critical moment, with the bounties right out of your reach. What's worse, the items you can earn are intrinsically linked to the Steam achievements for the game, which means that, for the unlucky few out there (yours truly included), playing in offline mode prevents you from reaping your hard earned rewards. The proposed solution to this issue?
"Like we give a ♥♥♥♥, we already got your money, fool. Delete your save and try again"
- Telltale Games and Valve Support.
"P.S. You're our ♥♥♥♥♥ now, LOL"

In short, this game can only have concievably been concocted in the deepest wretches of Hell, created through an unholy union between Satan, Cthulhu, and Duma Key, and fashioned from the filthy excrement of a million aborted fetuses. Do yourself a favor and pretend the Poker Night series never made it past the first installment. Even the greatest of masochists would pale at the thought of playing this inhumane creation.

Also, Sam is a ♥♥♥♥♥.

This game is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ version of Diablo III, and the Embermage class sucks wieners. Avoid at all costs.

I also hate this game. Only masochists looking for something unnecessarily rage-inducing with which to adequately punish themselves need apply.

I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate this game.