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>I wish we could have just talked it out civilly. There was no reason for us to fall out..

'With double portion of the Spirit, Oh Lord come fill us, make us one! United by your words.'



I go by Jay, if that wasn't obvious enough. But, lately, I've been on a roller coaster.
See- I had this friend, and they meant everything to me. I was in a pretty brutal head space at the time, and then boom. I stumble into someone I thought I'd never meet. Not an idol, role model, or hero. But a literal 'Who is that?' Over time, it turned into a blossoming, yet bitter friendship. But through the thick-and-thin of my own constant meltdowns and shoving aways- they endured. Could I ever repay them? I hope I could. Eventually, it turned to praying. Because of them, I had found religion. But even then, that wouldn't be enough. My own emotions outbursting, and even into a stupid, stupid mistake I keep making was just too much, who could blame them? I kept my distance, and they would even go on to say, some time soon, we could talk. Have a proper conversation. I acknowledged it with a single message, as to not push it.
From May 5th 2025, I bettered myself. I removed things, people, influences, and finally worked on my mental. But still, none of that was enough. Come October of that same year, they read my little custom info box, the very one that this is typed out into- Just for them to think it's about them. Lyrics from a song- something I've been doing for a very long time- They just slam it in "response" and give me no fighting chance.

So much I want to say-- But I can only cry out that they were my best friend. They handled me at my worst, and helped me improve myself step by step. They are my greatest friend, and I wish I could have been in turn. I pray everyday I'll have yet another chance. I pray that things will just work.




I'm miserable without you, JF.
I'm a pathetic, neurotic, explosive jerk who knows how much this pains you, but here I am asking for you to please forgive me. I never meant to be worse.
You're still my best friend..