My dad died in 9/11! But atleast he died doing what he loved, hijacking planes and flying them into office buildings.

I went to see my ex-girlfriend today. One thing lead to another and we ended up having sex. The police weren't to impressed. I was only suppose to be identifying the body.

I like long walks on the beach with my girlfriend,Until the LSD wears off and I realise I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a MacDonald’s car parking lot.