Let me start by saying I have a motorcycle and a pitbull (just so you have an idea of who you're ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with)

I goat by BURNT KOS, and if you haven't heard of me, your girlfriend probably has. Here are some of my accolades:

I was named 2017 Awper of the Year by the New York Times. My first ever awp kill was a headshot against a running shielder.

I'm a highly accurate sniper and will likely cause you to rage-quit.

I invented CS. Was just bored one day so invented CS.

I have made over $600,000,001 from Counter-Strike tournament winnings.

I have published over four books on Counter-Strike Game Theory. One of them made me a NYT Bestseller.

Yeah, the CIA took notice of my awping skills and wanted to hire me. I turned their asses down lmao

Some men have driven themselves insane trying to defeat me. A respected pastor named Kip is now in a straight jacket at a mental institution, all because he couldn't handle my skills.

The best way to get better than me is to spec me and record the footage. Study the footage for 6 hours every day for 9 months, and take detailed notes on my tactics.

I also hold training seminars bimonthly if you're interested in sharpening your CS skills. Only $700 for entry

I am currently ranked 3 in world, according to The Government Counter-Strike Rankings

Some say I have the skill of 1,000 Counter-Strikers.

I often have to tone down my talent in order to keep the server alive. If I play at full talent, then teammates will get angry that I'm hogging all the kills, and opponents will get frustrated that they can't ever outshoot me. Often times I will enter a server of 15+ people, and in twenty minutes, I will be the only one left.

Just the other day I was playing cs_assault and my score was 26-20. That's over 25 kills in one round, bro. and notice I had less deaths.

I always wear sunglasses when I play

High school? I don't remember much, I was always in detention for drinking beer in class

I've had sex with over three different women.

The mayor gave me an honorary award for my impressive inspiration.

I am always three steps ahead of you. I know your tendencies and know what you'll do before you even know what you'll do.

Sometimes feel bad cuz of how good I am, because I know other players are just trying to have a good time.

I am well-known for clutching 7 vs 1 rounds

Most people describe me as a powerful player.

It's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ when I'm the only player on my team with any talent.

Sometimes I sacrifice myself for the betterment of my team. Just because sometimes my score is 6-16 is irrelevant- I was called the Player of the Year by the Elite Counter-Strike Organization in 2005.

Enemies feel despair and hopelessness. Teammates feel security and confidence.

Some men call me the "Ninja Marksman"

I control the tone of the battle. When you're as good as me, YOU decide what your score is.

It's EXTREMELY rare that I miss a shot. Even when I do miss, you can be damn sure I almost got em.

When I first designed cs_assault, I intended for the truck in CT spawn to be drivable, but forgot to program it ROFL

It's not ez to kill me.

I always outplay the opponent. Sometimes they manage to kill me first, but I still outplayed them.

Clans have offered me $10,000,000 to join them. I had to turn them down because I already make that much from just playing (server administrators pay me to play at their games because whenever I join a game, it gets full real quick.)