fuck i’m trying to catch all these flies but they think my vinegar is stupid. i have honey also but that’s for me i can’t give them any of that

management trying to hire and retain employees

I’ll never forget the time my parents said they were going out for a few hours, and left my siblings and me at home by ourselves (ages 9-14), and instead of going nuts or just sitting around, we all rushed and did our hair and makeup and got dressed as fancy as we could; sister pulled out the wine glasses and grape juice and made an hors d'oeuvres platter, another googled how to play poker, pulled out chips from a different game, dimmed the lights, and we set up a fancy 4-person gambling den at the kitchen table and played until my parents said they were on their way back with dinner. Then we quickly picked everything up, washed our faces, changed back into our casual clothes, and pretended nothing ever happened. They never found out.

god remember when there were no ads AND you could post dick on here. take me back i'll be grateful this time

is this talking about tumblr or the internet in general

allrecipes.com

Avoidance is the worst reaction to stress. Oh this thing is giving me anxiety? And it's something I could prepare for by looking at it more or learning things about the topic? No, I will take psychological damage if I look at it directly. I will still be thinking about it and be stressed though.

(photos by Bill Watterson and an octopus)

I think this is the best scientist photograph I have ever seen.

But people didn’t believe him on reddit. So Watterson made the photo sequence into a gif.

Here’s the gif for anyone curious.

I had to go through the notes to find the gif. Not because I didn’t believe him but because I wanted to see it.

Fantastic

Thinking to myself "they can't possibly have written this entire 20 000 word fic exclusively in 4chan greentext format", like a fool.

Give us the fic

Let the record reflect that you asked for this.

@lidsel replied:

I mostly just look up what's being referenced when people blorbotag my shitposts.

I low-key love this? They're certainly making use of the format; the chaotic and comedic flow of events would feel lower quality and wordier in standard prose

I don't know how anyone has found this as the only ao3 tag it has is "original work." There's not even a rating or relationship type. The fic summary for anyone intrested is:

"in 2069 AD, the region once known as the United States of America is a world of complex lore and political intrigue that our heroine doesn't really care about because she's too busy trying to find estrogen in the post-apocalyptic Midwest."

Give that roughly two thirds of the comments and kudos appear to post-date the creation of this thread, at least in this particular case the answer to "where do people find this stuff?" is apparently "right here".

had a spiritual awakening today when I was listening to music and god spoke directly to me in a stern yet reassuring voice "battery low, please charge now"

youre so fuckign right

YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS

I don’t know you personally but I feel the need to inform you that you’re the one who’s wrong here and that “deep-seated” is literally the proper spelling according to Merriam-Webster, Cambridge Dictionary, and Washington State University professor Paul Brians (author of the book Common Errors in English Usage) . I don’t care abt language errors either but I have this deep seated desire to bother ppl.. you know how it is

also my desire to bother people IS actually personified by my fat fuckin ass so jot that down

Things other than asses can be seated.

If you deeply plant a seed it dies.

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

When Russia sends you nudes

#what the fuck happened here

This is my favorite post in all of tumblr

reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia

reblog it, because Russia can´t

Thanks Obama 

Wtf

When Russia makes this post illegal

I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS

I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash

I have a piece of tumblr history on my blog now

String identified: atgctactttaatcaaaaattcaTattattatttgaagtcaacatTaaataattgaATCTgtgattaaacttg

Closest match: Bombyx mori BmN4 cell DNA, chromosome 24, sequence Common name: Domestic Silk Moth

(image source)

When the domestic silk moth sends you nudes

Domestic silk moth is just being friendly

Now the moth is banned in Russia

…well what the fuck is this

Art.

for second i was thinking like "art block is such a weird concept. imagine if you just became randomly unable to do OTHER types of tasks" before remembering that i have executive dysfunction and frequently AM randomly unable to do other types of tasks. i got cleaning block. cooking block. taking a walk block.

I'm high and i just made some killer chocolate chip cookies, ama.

soft or crunchy?

Crisp and crunchy around the edges, soft and melty in the center.

Yes.

I did not drop one of my precious cookies in water to test this, to be clear. I instead estimated their specific gravity based on the specific gravity of each of the ingredients and the percentage of the final dough they make up.

This doesn't account for the fact that water introduced by the eggs would have evaporated during baking, nor the fact that the baking soda created countless tiny pockets of carbon dioxide, both making the cookies even floatier.

All density data from aqua-calc.com's food density tables. the density of ghee was used in place of butter due to browning the butter before hand, which drove off a great deal of moisture.

also uh... free cookie recipe i guess, if you wanna try and make cookies based on an excel spreadsheet.

I can't believe it took 25 years to figure out i was autistic.

i thought it meant "do they float?" as in... floating in the air...

i might be stupid

Oh. Well, air has a specific gravity of 0.001 so... no. they do not.

thank you, i was really looking for closure on that

If you could make paper out of whole wheat (relying on the more fibrous parts of the wheat for structure and the core flour for starch to bind it) you could theoretically make a paper lantern that, by virtue of the warm low-pressure air inside it, could be lighter then air and capable of floating, but that's kind of stretching the bounds of what counts as a pastry.

you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea

ⓘ This user is a malicious entity made of seafoam.

Out of my way, bothersome footnote, I'm about to get it

Invasive species versus a second, stronger invasive species

Australia did this at one point, intentionally releasing cats into the bush in an attempt to control the invasive rabbit population. Now we have invasive feral cats as well as invasive rabbits👌

A third, even stronger invasive species will surely do the trick