Aight. I've got so many things to say, I guess it's gonna be all over the place and I possibly will make additional posts cuz when I say it's a lot I mean it.

• First of all the album is 1969/10. Absolutely. Usually I add songs that I liked more than the rest of an album to my playlist so I could listen to them on a loop, but there's gonna be no such thing with Skeletá cuz I'm putting the entire album on a loop. I quite literally cannot choose a separate song to add to the playlist, if I listen to one song I immediately want to listen to another, it's addictive.

• Second of all I guess I can tell Tobias feels better. It just shows. He was right when he said the album is gonna be overall uplifting, but there can't be ups without downs, everything is gonna be alright, but everything should go to shit first, that's just the way it works. I'll make a separate post about it cuz I have way too many thoughts to share.

✳️Now for the songs✳️ My ramblings about each one is a separate post

◻️Peacefield

◻️Lachryma

◻️Satanized

◻️Guiding Lights

◻️De Profundis Borealis

◻️Cenotaph

◻️Missilia Amori

◻️Marks of the Evil One

◻️Umbra

◻️Excelsis

I'm not gonna lie I'm actually a little scared about the way with time passing I can completely detach from something/someone I once cherished. I had this friend and she was special cuz she was the first one I could call a true friend. But eventually we parted ways, even after all the possible attempts to resuscitate this relationship on my part (now I realise I was the only one who wanted that and I can't blame her for not supporting me in this journey) cuz boy was I deadly afraid to be left alone and abandoned. I thought we had so much in common, we got to the point we could complete each other's sentences and stuff, we had the same sense of humour which I adored especially dearly. She helped me get out of the darkest thoughts at the time. I told her about that and it spooked her a great deal, now I realise she wasn't ready for that intensity, back then it hurt so fucking bad. Maybe that's the reason I don't trust people at all. Well I didn't, now I'm learning to get hurt so that it isn't that detrimental. It's been an eternity and a half and I reread our messages to each other almost religiously, like fine literature of some sort, it was that bad. Until I realised I should prolly just let it all RIP. And I let it. I don't care for any of that anymore. And to think it was one of a very few lifelines to me once. It meant so freaking much to me and just like that it doesn't anymore. Never in a million years would I have imagined I'd let it go, but that's a part of healing I suppose. I truly wanted that person to never become disposable and all this time I've been thinking it was actually me who got binned, but unbeknownst to me it was me who turned the tables.

I think we moved on way too fast, I'd stuck on this look for another coupla decades, it deserves to go down in history

So you know in DND there's these things where character's assets/qualities/abilities (or whatever these are called idk) are listed, I wonder what one could look like for Perpetua. If there was any kinda battle in the game he would be completely useless cuz he can't open doors to save his life and it takes him ages to come in any kinda way. But he can smile. Idk what kinda enemies can be defeated with a smile (I mean I could guess but I'm not in the mood to sound like an asshole), but he's a pro at that.

Idk if I Want It That Way I'm currently listening to affects me more than it should, but how bout we group all the Papas together so they could cover it as idk Backalley Dudes or something (so they don't get sued for the name). I'm doing my best to summon Perpetua so he finally opens that damn metaphorical (and literal, he clearly doesn't discriminate, he hates all of them) door shielding his damn family from him and shows us all his beautiful smiling face finally becoming a part of the lore

Oh God will I ever stop cringing after leaving profound comments where I sound extremely overly dramatic, but sincere nonetheless, like when I wanna praise a person. I hope it doesn't sound too abysmal. (at least it helps me realise I sure as hell shouldn't enable anyone's praise kink or else I'll always obliterate the mood😂 well unless long ass speeches is anyone's thing ofc)

What if Frater is gonna have to wait for Perpetua to come to the meeting for 50 hours? But I really hope Perpetua will take pity on his brother (we, the fandom, are clearly less privileged which is fine so we didn't really have much of a choice than to stare at that damn billboard in anticipation) and show up earlier. In 49 hours.

Oh come ONNN. if it's not about Perpetua figuring out the way doors work I don't want it. Please don't distress me I'm distressed enough already

That damn "finger thing" from that one interview won't leave me alone istg

I swear to God there's not a single clue in that silly little head of mine as to how and why it happens Every. Single. Time, but it just does. Every time I somehow manage to come across a fic that is 1969% completely aligned with what I feel at this given moment. It happens completely randomly. It's either the universe is insistent on me finally learning my lesson or it's the aforementioned statement mentioned all over again (I'm so fucking articulate, aren't I). I honestly do not know how it coincides Every. Single. Time. Well I choose the characters that I can relate to, no shit, that's why the fics work for me in the first place of course, but the feelings and the emotions is a completely wild card I absolutely cannot predict. And it hits me right where it hurts most at the moment to destroy me completely in all the right places and ways. Every. Single. Time. I'm not superstitious, but this thing, whatever that is, just won't let go of my ass as if I owe it something. And I don't want it to, actually, cuz if I'm indebted to it I wanna pay back generously.

I know I sound completely nuts, I know I do, but it's not like it's under my control. All I do is come across a fic, anything beyond that is out of my division

I wonder if if a door is positioned horizontally (for whatever reason) it stops being a problem for Perpetua

No but fr can you imagine that, we've got an entire year of waiting for that faithful Frater/Perpetua meeting at our disposal, but we still aren't even sure if it'll happen at all cuz Perpetua doesn't know how to open doors. Frater might still not be fully familiar with the concept of doors in general. That's a recipe for disaster right here. Can you imagine the gravity of the suspense if I'm right (I'm wrong, BUT WHAT IF)?

Unstoppable object meets immovable force aka automatic doors vs Perpetua *new year, good ol me and my dumb door jokes*

For some reason I can't get rid of this one memory about this vacation I had when I was 15 and was studying for my English exam (it was a huge deal since I'm not a native speaker, I couldn't afford to fuck it up). We rented out a place near the sea, it was actually my first time actually experiencing the sea proximity so it was pretty new and outta the ordinary and stuff and so one day I was minding my business, studying for the exam, reading a book in English and the landlord (he knew it was my first time seeing the sea) comes up to me and asks me if I'm fucked in the head. I can't remember the exact words, but I can clearly remember the message, it sounded exactly like that. The implication was like are you outta your damn mind, it's a vacation, you're supposed to have fun. I can actually remember being a bit hurt by his words (cuz it was pretty fucking rude, okay, can you blame me, I didn't even fucking do anything to deserve this, I was a super shy teenage girl who was deadly afraid of conversing with anyone but her family), but for some reason I was more offended by the fact that it came from a grown ass 30 yo adult. Like what exactly is your problem, dude? Are you offended the only thing you've ever learnt to read were food labels in your first language? Fuck was that about?

I don't mean to brag (my abysmal grammar should be proof enough I have no right to) but damn sometimes I reread my fics and woah I can actually be funny and witty when I want to. Well most probably by my own standards only, but I'm in my healing era now so I don't really give a fuck about anyone else's so good for me, I needa remind myself about that more often

Now that I'm in the process of healing it's become a reoccurring thing for me to think about terminating my therapy sessions when the moment comes. For the time being I need this sense of false importance to hold onto cuz I'm still a little weak after 10 years of relentless depression, I can give myself some slack (unwillingly so), but I think when the moment to say goodbye (doesn't feel like a right choice of words, but I don't mean anything bad ofc, I'm just dumb is all) to my therapist eventually comes it'll feel very bittersweet and it'll still be this way for some time after that. But not only did I learn to let go in time, I also don't want to deceive myself forever, in the grand scheme of things she doesn't give two fucks about me cuz it's just her job and I'm just her temporary ATM. And it's fine even if it hurts (and it SHOULDN'T, I just need to grow up) cuz that's the way life works. And when I'm completely healed (relatively ofc cuz you can't cure fucked in the head) the fact that I don't matter (and never did) won't hurt as much. That's what I'm working on achieving. *I'm so fucking thrilled for my bucket list for 2026 already, isn't it lovely*