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Please Help

I try my best to donate or signal boost any GFMs/fundraisers that come across my timelines. I try not to ever accept gifts or ask for help, but here I am.

I am disabled. Despite that, I write a LOT of free content for the Destiel fandom. My dogs keep me sane. They comfort me and are my only real life friends. I rarely leave my house, but at least I have them. They are all rescues, all already given second chances. All seniors with medical issues that we knew could become costly at any time. They take hundreds of dollars of medication every month. We are at the vet frequently.

All that, I handle. But today, my sweetest dog was rushed to the emergency vet and diagnosed with a complicated bowel obstruction. She needs emergency surgery, which she will get regardless of whether I can pay the credit card bill in the long run or not. The estimate is around $7k.

I hate doing this, but I need to. I know dogs are not as important as housing or domestic violence and I understand if you want to direct your dollars to those causes. These dogs happen to help me create the work I do for y’all, so I thought it would be ok to ask. If you have a spare dollar or the spoons to signal boost, I would be forever greatful. I have a Ko-fi, if you’ve ever enjoyed my work.

https://ko-fi.com/castielslostwings

okay since i'm wigging out about spn let's do a fun game and get NOSTALGIC

++reblog and tell me where you were in your life when supernatural started/when you started it, and where you are now that it's ending. ++

for example: in 2005 i was an emo teenager living in New Zealand and screaming at my parents. now i'm married and have a cat and i'm writing a novel.

When I originally started the show in 2012 I was a weirdo teen who couldn’t even sit through a scary movie

Now I’m a 25 yr old functioning adult (????) with a job, a dog and two cats, am a playwright, and still just out here loving SPN

When 1x1 first aired in 2005 I was 27, pregnant with my son, and watching the pilot episode that had my husband and I hooked. We'll finish this show tonight the way we started, on the couch with our own TFW family of three, loyal to the very end🧡💚💙

When it started, I was recently graduated from high school. I was interested, but figured I'd get around to it one day; I was busy with other fandoms.

Then it just kept going.

Eventually there was 11 seasons and I figured, well, it's not getting any shorter. Besides, I needed a back-up fandom in case Sherlock went all pear shaped.

I always knew this show would suck me in like a beautiful vortex. I'm so glad I finally let it.

Let's go lads

I was 9 years old when it started in 2005. When I started watching in 2014, I was a freshman in college, just figuring out who I was, leaving behind every friend I’d ever made to go away to school, about to embark on the scariest and most wonderful chapter of my life.

I’m now 24 (nearly 25) living on my own, 2 years into my dream job, and still absolutely clowning for an angel and a hunter who were never meant to fall in love :’)

I started watching at the end of 2012, and the first episode I watched live was 8.17 (wonder why I’m still so stuck on the hunter and his angel lol).

The summer of 2013 was maybe the loneliest of my life, and supernatural got me through it and became a huge part of my life I couldn’t have been more grateful for at the time.

I am now in a much better place, loving my job (before covid at least), in between I gratuated both high school and university, living with my boyfriend and a lot happier!

It’s been a journey, it’s had its ups and downs, but it’s also been one of my only constants in life for so long and I couldn’t be more grateful for the experience, and especially what these past two weeks have been like!

Supernatural was my first "unapproved" TV show because my parents didn't let me do jack shit until I was old enough to vote. So, it has a special place in my heart.

Six months after my freshman year of college, a new friend invited me over to watch the season 7 premiere of Supernatural. Little did she know, she had given me one of the biggest blessings in my life.

I fell HARD for Cas and could grasp that something was wrong with him, like his motives weren't natural and at his core he was pure and kind. Then he suddenly died at the end of the episode, and it broke my heart. Sam was losing his mind, poor thing, and was pretending he was okay so that he could be upright. I related to that so deeply. Bobby was hanging on by a thread too, but continued to be the adult in the room while everyone around him broke. Watching him hold it together was like watching a prize boxer mid-fight. During the scene where Dean had to fish Cas's bloody trenchcoat out of the water, I was having a physical reaction to his grief so strong that it broke me. I was done.

The characters were too well written. I had to know everything about the show. Everything. It immediately became a hyperfixation.

I went back to my room and barely came out for three months until I was completely caught up. Watched every episode live ever since Jan 2012 to this day.

In 2020 I now own a home with friends that I love like sisters. I work as a musician in the city, doing various work in marketing and photography.

Yeah, I'm grown and do adult shit or whatever, but fandom has given me a space to truly be myself. Fandom has let me be happy. And, I mean really, truly, obsessively happy. I don't have to suppress how I feel about shit. I can feel pure joy here. Joy that, let's be honest isn't allowed outside of this space. I love that I can exist as my true hyperfixated self and be cool with everyone here. When you grow up, it becomes harder and harder to do that. This space is a life raft for some people. So, yeah. #SpnFamilyForever

In 2005, I was an awkward, shy freshman in high school in Sacramento. Watched it consistently all the way through highschool. Then in college, I woud watch it during the summers and catch up on the season I missed over the year. I hated when Cas got killed off in s7, and I just wasn’t interested in the Leviathans, and then life took over and I moved across the country for grad school. I figured I’d catch up when the show finished. And then it never ended lol.  Fast forward to now: I’m 29, an awkward, shy school psychologist who lives just outside of Boston with my bf and our two cats. COVID hit, I needed something to keep me sane, SPN was on Netflix, and I knew it was in its final season, so no better use of my time than binge the whole thing from the pilot through 15x13, I think only over 3 weeks. And now I’m clowning with all of you, and I’m so happy I was able to catch up in time to watch the end of this live. It’s been a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

ghosts that we knew

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden

Artist: CrzyDemona

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Length: 89411

Warnings: Could be read as MCD, light BDSM elements, Demonic Possession, Canon Typical Violence

Tags: Ghost!Cas, Hunter!Cas, Hunter!Dean Winchester, Canon-Divergence, Gentle Dom!Cas, Light BDSM elements

Summary: Dean can’t help it. Castiel’s laugh is infectious, washing over him and sweeping him up in its tide. His throat and stomach ache with the feel of it, unfamiliar muscles worked past their endurance. He hasn’t laughed like this in weeks, maybe years.   Cas doesn’t stop laughing, and Dean relishes it. It’s such a good sound, deep and throaty. It rumbles over him the same way that Baby’s engine purrs, to where he can almost feel it in his gut. Dean’s giddy, the kind of happy that hunters don’t get to feel, and if it weren’t for the ceiling, he thinks he might float away. Cas’ eyes crinkle when he laughs, and his smile goes wide and gummy. He’s so brilliant, so alive—   But you’re dead, Dean thinks helplessly. But you’re dead.   --- Castiel Novak is one of the best hunters Dean Winchester has ever worked with. He's witty, whip-smart, and has enough knowledge about the supernatural to rival an encyclopedia. He's got humor dry enough to put the Sahara to shame and he's pretty easy on the eyes as well. All in all, he's the best partner Dean could have hoped for. Too bad he's dead.

Link to Fic | Link to Art

IT’S HERE!!! 😍😍

I am SO excited to share this with you! Here is my contribution to DCBB 2020, and it’s full of fluff and smut and angst. Give it a read! ❤️

Dean & Cas ▸ touching | healing      ▸ for @elxctricdean

hey reblog/reply with how old u were when u discovered fanfic, what year it was, and what site

In my head, the songs on folklore fit together in different groups and “chapters” - based on how they fit together thematically. I want to share the first one today. Here’s “folklore: the escapism chapter” ♥️

Reblog if you want your followers to ask you anything they're curious about.

Go for it dudes

Hell yeah

yee

Hit me up

someone: the disney little mermaid is a bad adaptation of the original story because she’s meant to die at the end

me: the original story was meant to be an outlet for the male author having unrequited and repressed romantic feelings for another man and the only happy ending he saw for a same sex attracted man was to die and the only reward was being able to earn his soul through the joy of children his stories brought while the Disney adaptation touched upon the same themes with the work of Howard Ashman, another same sex attracted man but instead being able to give the mermaid a happy and loving relationship where she lives out her dreams is just as thematic and truer to the what the story sought to tell instead of having it become a tragedy. in this essay i

Okay so the rest of the essay be here:

I am going to preface this by saying the people involved in these stories did not intend for The Little Mermaid to be a 1:1 replica of their lives but it’s clear how significant their experiences shaped the telling of it.

Hans Christian Andersen’s sexuality isn’t easy to define especially since the society and culture he lived in wouldn’t have the language or the framework to discuss sexuality, and it would do a disservice to say he was gay when he didn’t have a known romantic life. But his love life has been defined by his numerous unrequited loves that ranged from women to men, but also his steadfast refusal to have sex.

Another aspect of Andersen is how heavily religious he was and how that showed through his work. Some of his other stories like “The Ugly Duckling”, “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, “Thumbelina”, and “Princess and the Pea”, all have themes around being alienated but that there isn’t a true villain in any of them and their happy endings be something close to divinity and good morality. Though not overtly religious in his stories it’s clear how much faith he had in God doing the right thing in the end.

The Little Mermaid however, is probably one of the most overt in how his religion and his sexuality intersected.

A brief overview of Andersen’s The Little Mermaid is that in his story, Mermaids are creatures born without souls, however they live significantly longer than humans.

But it’s precisely because of this, the titular Mermaid longs to become human in hopes she too will gain a soul. She chooses to trade her tongue to get a pair of legs to woo a human she rescued, and on these legs all she feels is pain and suffering, and she must do so in silence. If she cannot gain the love of her prince, she will die without a soul, and never get to heaven. All the while, the prince loves her only as a brother would in the time they spend together and eventually chooses to marry another girl.

The mermaid is then given a chance to return to her life as a mermaid if she kills the prince before she dies but in doing so she will never have a soul. She loves him too much to do so and chooses death over living as a creature with no soul.

But when she dies, she finds herself amongst the daughters of the air, and is told because of her love and her suffering she has the chance to gain a soul unlike any other mermaid. She can work for 200 years making sure children are happy and be granted a soul thereafter.

So, looking at this, you can draw clear parallels with this story and Andersen’s personal life.

Like the mermaid, Andersen saw himself as a creature without a soul. He too was in love with a man who only saw himself as a brother to Andersen. Andersen saw himself doomed to be silent, doomed to constantly feel like he was walking on knives and doomed to be alone.

But his idea of a joyous ending is that his suffering wasn’t all for naught, that his stories that he wrote for children and the joy they brought WOULD eventually grant his greatest desire to be granted a soul and accepted into heaven.

Of course there isn’t a villain, Andersen accepted that his culture that cruelly casted him out was correct in doing so, and that he had to work within the system to exist.

The Little Mermaid’s themes of suffering and love were tied to Andersen’s life and his sexuality intersecting with his religion.

The 1989 Disney version has consistently gone on record that despite have Musker and Clements being directors, Howard Ashman, a gay man with AIDS in the 80s, was the creative force in character writing, music and the creative direction the movie eventually went in.

In the movie, all of the religious aspects have been stripped away, and the motivations have been changed.

Ariel no longer wants to gain a soul, her desire to become human instead is tied with feeling alienated with her home life and wanting acceptance elsewhere. Her hobby of collecting human stuff HEAVILY echoes the experiences of many LGBT+ people who had interests outside of their gender roles, and being unable to to see eye to eye with bigoted parents. People often mistake her attempts at asserting her own identity as “being in love” when the narrative is about her wanting agency and respect for who she is.

Ursula being a villain in this version is tied to how LGBT+ people of the 1980s understanding at least part of their oppression was due to predatory and unscrupulous people, as well as being systematic. This contrasts with Andersen’s work because Andersen, despite suffering, always put faith in the systems surrounding him and only striving to work within them, while Ashman understood that to work with society you don’t do business with morally neutral people.

While Andersen sees the only option for people, or to him, creatures, like him to gain any morally good ending, they need to remain passive and work within the system to get what they want.

But the 1989’s response to that is, no, to get a happy ending, you NEED to question the system, you need to fight against it because it is a system that only uses you to get what it needs and it needs to be destroyed to get a happy ending. Like, you CAN NOT separate how this change in the story occurred with Howard Ashman being a gay man with AIDS during 1980s America.

In the end, Ariel reconciling with her bigoted father to be able to live her life as a human with another man thematically ties in to how Andersen saw his own happy ending.

The Little Mermaid is a story that can not be separated from two men who dealt with complex relationships with their own identities, and it’s disingenuous to say the 1989 film is a bad adaptation for not religiously following the plot points of the original.

The Little Mermaid is at its best when it explores how a person’s sexuality and identity is alienated from the culture around them, and how they navigate the system that oppresses them.

Andersen saw the system to be just and his idea of a happy ending clashes with Howard Ashman’s own experiences of a system that needed to be defied to have earned a happy ending.

All in all, the 1989 movie is a good adaptation, not for slavishly keeping every detail, but for reflecting where society is, and for keeping the themes of unrequited love, identity and coming of age relevant to their audience.

#i really really like this#but if ursula represents whats said above then why is her character design based off a drag queen?#i dont mean this as an aha gotcha im just curious and want to know more

So in the Howard Ashman documentary (titled “Howard” on Disney+) says he came from Baltimore and didn’t go to a fancy college, and most of his early career in New York was heavily based on the lower income areas. Coupled with the fact that when he went to work for Disney, most of his colleagues were extremely privileged and didn’t see the same kind of oppression he faced as a gay Jewish man, it’s easy to see the kind of connection he would make with how social class intersects with your sexuality. I am not Jewish so I can’t really speak on those issues without seeming ignorant but as a gay Asian man it’s easy to see how race and religion and class disparity can intersect with sexuality especially in higher income communities.

Like I’m not saying he saw 1:1 allegories for Ursula, but it’s easy to see how he would make the villain queer coded while also being aware how LGBT+ people who were able to access class privilege treated those that they could exploit.

But also, making the villain queer coded itself has a VAST history of how LGBT+ people were systematically oppressed to the point of only being able to present themselves through a hetero normative lens and how LGBT+ representation often had to navigate through stealth coding and as clear-as-they-could-get-it representation. It’s clear that Howard really wanted something more clearly queercoded in this work, and he was unfortunately at the mercy of 1980s America.

Plus there’s a whole fascinating history with Ursula beyond just being based on a drag queen, as her voice actor Pat Carroll was also known for cross dressing and playing with gender.

Like I’m not saying The Little Mermaid 1989 is a perfect film free of flaws for gay representation, ESPECIALLY since it’s still extensively about a hetero normative romance, but it is an interesting snapshot of how a gay man had to navigate 1980s American society to be able to tell a story of his experiences of love, and how the culture at the time shaped his writing all the while building upon a story written by a man experiencing same sex attraction 100 years beforehand..

Who knows how a modern mainstream adaptation of The Little Mermaid can work now that we DO have the language, and the history and a community that’s seen in our culture. It’s why I reject a religious devotion to adaptation in keeping purely the text of the original without understanding how to bring the themes and subtext to a modern society. 

i’m fucking wheezing this is so demonic

After seeing multiple creators having to publically out themselves or reveal past traumas in order to get fans to stop yelling at them for representing a certain minority/concept in fiction, can yall learn to take a second to consider how your words and actions affect others? Especially in fandom spaces? By demanding that people can only talk about certain issues if they’ve personally been affected by them, you are directly forcing people to reveal their trauma/minority status.

This was prompted by fans’ response to the latest episode of a TMA featuring substance abuse, but also remember a few months ago when Jameela Jamil was cast to play a queer woman in an upcoming movie and there was so much backlash that she had to come out as queer? That fucking sucked.

^^ and the same thing happened with Keiynan Lonsdale from Love, Simon?

#hot take–‘you’re not x so you can’t write x’ is bad praxis#if you can’t find something actually wrong with the actual portrayal#maybe take a step back and ask yourself if perhaps your trauma is getting in the way of you’re enjoyment of the media#which is a totally valid but SEPARATE issue from creators being bigoted  (via @dinosaurrainbowstarfish)

I hate “If you’re not X/haven’t experienced X, you don’t get to write about X.” Partly because of this- it forces people to make their traumas and identities public knowledge- and partly because it honestly seems inclined to shut down empathy. “You haven’t experienced X yourself, so you are dramatically and irrevocably different from people who have, to the point where you’ll never be able to conceptualise X well enough to write about it non-offensively.” 

Sorry, but that’s bullshit. To give an example I’m qualified to give- If a neurotypical person wanted to write about, say, an autistic person facing ableism, and put actual care and thought into it, that’s brilliant. Like, yes, please do this! Please try to understand and relate to us and think about how the world looks to us! Thank you for thinking our stories are worth portraying! 

“You’re neurotypical, therefore you’re Not Allowed to write about an autistic character facing ableism”? Fuck off. That sounds like a good way to discourage people from writing autistic characters, for a start, while also entrenching the (already very prevalent) idea that we’re too other for non-autistic people to comprehend. 

I wrote a book about an autistic character and was pressured to out myself.  I’ve heard stories of authors being asked invasive personal questions about their sexuality or gender identity by agents who are deciding whether to take on their work.

The whole #ownvoices thing started as just a way to draw attention to existing marginalized authors, but once it became a trend and a “selling point” it really started to become harmful to those same authors.

To some degree, the identity of the author has always been treated as a commodity or a marketing tool in the publishing industry.  But it’s gotten worse in recent years.  And it’s hard to know how to fight it.  I want a world where stories are judged on their own merits and not by which identity boxes the author can check, but it’s harder to create a viral hashtag campaign around that idea.

^^^ If you’re not part of a specific group, you are allowed to create art that represents that group. Listen to the people you are representing, but don’t force any creator to out themselves. You are consuming their content, not their life-stories.

To Tired Writers. To the people out there whose hearts very, very much want to write and work on WIPs, but who are just mentally and physically exhausted right now. It’s okay. It is okay to rest sometimes. Allow yourself time to rest. 

idk who needs to hear this but not voting in crucial elections isn’t the edgy non-conformist statement you think it is. it’s literally just silencing your own voice.

Not gonna specifically tag anyone…but reblog if you feel like it and put yours in the tags.

Hey, we’re related, @safeinpeetasarms!  I’m L.A. Spruce! 

So HB Oak, and my book title is the Peach Daughter. Lol!!