I get annoyed when people are making posts that are shocked that Shane pulled Ilya. And like maybe, /maybe/, Shane locked down Ilya (there's an argument that Ilya 'domesticity kink' Rosanov locked himself down as soon as he could get Shane to agree to it) but Shane did not pull Ilya, Ilya pulled Shane.

Canonically Shane is one of the hottest men in the world, he's rich, he is at the top of his high intensity career, and he has the biggest saddest wettest most beautiful brown eyes out of anyone on the planet. The moment Ilya saw a scrap of interest he was arranging for them to be in a commercial and jerking off in the shower at him. Ilya watched this man fold his pants one (1) time and thought "well i gotta fuck him forever now". Shane tried to say there wouldn't be a next time and Ilya was like it's too late, I've got your number, you're never getting rid of me, if I annoy you enough you will come organize my socks as like a sex thing.

Toddler accidentally cursed himself into an identity crisis today.

The thing is that Ilya has no fucking clue what autism is. He probably read the word when some twitter user called Shane autistic and wanted to look it up but got distracted by a post about Shane's tits or smth.

What he does know though is that Shane folds his clothes before sex. And he smiles at him with adoration when he does it and doesn't rush him or make fun of him for it. He knows Shane doesn't always pick up on his jokes and sarcasm "That's French, Ilya" but he doesn't mind it and would never make Shane feel bad about it or dismiss his response "Yeah I know, Shane". He knows Shane has a PhD in The Arts of Overthinking "Now the bed's all dirty" so he playfully chases his worries away and closes all those open tabs in Shane's brain "What? Shut up". He knows Shane will not rest until he has everything in his life under control so he grumbles when Shane wakes him up in the middle of the night to tell him how they can make it all work but still listens intently to his plan. He knows Shane feels overwhelmed and anxious when stuff doesn't go down as planned "This is my actual fucking nightmare, Ilya" "I'm okay I'm just freaking out I'll be okay in a second" so he softly comforts him and supports him through it "Then maybe it's time to wake up, yes?" "We're good here, your family's here, you're boyfriend's here, we're good here, ok?" He knows Shane has to hear it to believe it "My boyfriend?" so he gently goes "I mean yes, I think so, probably".

He doesn't know Shane is autistic but he knows Shane and he loves Shane and Shane happens to be autistic

I KNOW Yuna shot up in bed that night like “DAVID THE ELEVATOR. HE WAS IN THE FUCKING ELEVATOR.”

The face of a man who thinks he's about to hear his boyfriend explain the word fuckbuddy to his mom

For my next trick, I will list my personal Ilya Roxanov headcanons.

.Has genuinely no preference between genders, that man is bisexual out of sheer love for the game.

.Has alarmingly few real teeth.

.Dick piercing, look me in the eyes and tell me I'm wrong.

.Had a conversation with Shane during episode 6 and explained Russian diminutive names and asked to be called Ilyusha or some other form. Let him have that piece of Russian culture, at least, lol.

jurgen leitner?

stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner?

Reblog if you will never. Ever. Use AI in your writing.

everyone in the league calling ilya an asshole meanwhile he’s apologizing to the bartender for his rowdy teammates, smiling politely at the nurse, playing mermaids with the kids, painting hayden’s kid’s nails and then his own nails to show them that boys can paint their nails too, getting excited over the team puppy, and then spoiling his dog rotten when he finally gets one. sorry but idgaf that he’s mean to grown ass men, they deserve it 😭😭

i have a bachelor's degree in bitching and moaning