So silly, love them

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SORRY I’M LATE

CHAPTER 17

I know this is April Fools but this is a serious canon chapter

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girl help im reading the spiderman deadpool comics again

you know it really isnt immoral, if you do it right, to raise cows and sheep for meat. so. well. i think there should be a story about, vampires who have a town of humans that they keep well-maintained, so long as the humans donate their blood once a month, like vampire blood farm stuff

but instead of antagonistic everyone's like. no he's a nice man you leave the count alone. he keeps us safe and cared for and he just needs a lil snack now and then, it dont hurt anyone. like a cow that loves the farmer and the farmer that loves the cow, even with both knowing one will end up on the other's table. because its like. its like. cows just have such pretty eyes, you know? they love you so much. i think it should be like that

literallyyyyyy

i want to be part of a vampire's herd. and i want him to pet me like a cow

It's only safe for humans to donate a full unit of blood every eight weeks (and even if they only manage to get a partial out of you, they still recommend you wait 2 months), so our hypothetical count would need to have 56 healthy, non-anemic humans in his pool, presuming he needs a full 500 mL of blood each feeding, and he needs to feed once per day.

Obviously, a vampire family will need a larger community to care for, scaling linearly with the number of adult members of the family, assuming the above blood intake.

This still lets a vampire build a healthy relationship with his herd, presuming that he has Traditional Human Dinner with his donor before feeding, or some other social bonding ritual, on a rotating basis.

official vampire post

I love the x-men so much because that's just what leftist infighting is like! that's literally all it is! xavier is a sellout and they all hate him but he's the only one with any money. everyone complains about "they keep switching sides and dating each other it's so fucking confusing" like my dudes have you never been a part of any socialist organisation, ever. then people will go "magneto is so strong how has he not killed a bunch of teenagers" HE DOESN'T WANT TO KILL THEM! this started in a goddam basement over coffee he does not want to hurt them he just wants them to shut up and listen and will fling cars to do so

Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite

beepboop. censorbot approved

“Me, refusing to leave: sir, this is my emotional hell” is a funnier text post than my original one, good job censorbot.

hello, future tumblr! this is what we thought was funny in december 2018.

We still think it’s funny in December 2019

We still think it’s funny in December 2020

We still think it’s funny in December 2021

we still think its funny in december 2022

we still think it’s funny in December 2023

Achievement Unlocked:

Only Our Bodies Can Leave

The spirit remains eternally (at least five years)

Achievement Unlocked:

Forever And A Day

Yup, still funny after 6 years…

hey pal it’s april. you got a time machine?

Matt Murdock vs Frank Castle

Being in a fandom for 20+ years is weird because you’ll see posts like, “How come I never see people mention x” and it’s like. We did. We talked about that a lot, actually. Actually it’s something that came up. And it’s hard not to be like, “Yeah, we discussed this fifteen years ago.” Half of this fandom wasn’t even born when these discussions happened. Wild.

It’s Not a Plot Hole, It’s Foreshadowing

vs.

It’s Not a Plot Hole, It’s Just Something That They Opted Not to Spoon-feed You Because It Would Be Obvious If You Thought About It For 20 Seconds

vs.

It May Be a Plot Hole, But It Still Works In Terms of the Story’s Themes and Character Logic

vs.

Okay, It Is a Plot Hole, What Are You Going to Do, Cry about It?

vs.

All Works of Fiction Represent Constructed Realities and by Demanding a Lack of Plot Holes, You Are Improperly Importing the Rules of Objective Reality into a Subjective Creation that Must Be Judged Primarily on Its Aesthetic Merits

vs.

Dude, Just Come-up With a Headcanon Like A Normal Human Being

vs.

Is It Really a Plot Hole, or Are the Characters Just Not Making the Choices You Want Them To?

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the fanfic gets in

(Smiling at that last one)

Leave a little space

for the previously unthinkable

to save you.

They’re not plotholes. It’s a dress and it has pockets, and we keep our AUs in the pockets :)

been watching her for 10 years and somehow i've never drawn her

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

@holyknuckled like that?

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

spideypool but it's a comedy of errors

yoooo guys these wings my dad made look INSANE i can’t wait to try them tomorrow

i don’t think you understand i totally thought we were gonna die locked up in this castle but this fucking genius was like “im going to invent a way for humans to fly”. shout out to my dad he’s a real one fr

LMAOOO this dude told me to be careful as he affixed the wings to my back…..dad no offense but you just invented flying and we have to go high enough to avoid the king’s archers. soo

HOOOOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I AM SO AFRAID. THE GROUND IS SO FAR. HOW DO BIRDS DO THIS. OH MY GODS OH MY GODS OH MY GODS

it’s so beautiful up here

i don’t like seeing the ground. i’m going higher

it’s cold and i can’t see anything. not sure if that’s better or worse

by zeus….what is that thing…….it’s as bright as the sun and twice as warm

the gods look truly down on me this day…apollo calls to me from his chariot of fire. a mere mortal. he must think my flight such a wondrous feat

i don’t understand why but he’s coming closer. he is not supposed to stray from his path, lest the sun fall from the sky. why does he look so anguished to see me?

oh. i am in his path

it’s so hot…was it this hard to fly before? maybe i’m tired

the wax

he really does look like the sun…the light emanates from his fingers, his hair, his skin. he means to catch me. i reach for him

his skin burns. i cannot hold on

i slip through his fingers.

it takes a really long time to fall from the sky. longer than i thought

i wonder if he cried for me

i pray to him just in case. i am grateful he tried. my palms are red and cracked from where they touched divinity. the ground does not look any closer than it was

i have not seen my father since we took flight…i hope he escaped. i hope he will not witness this. i wish i could tell him how joyful these wings made me before the wax melted

i do not regret it. i have seen with my own eyes what others will only dream of

i am not afraid

i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am afraid i am afraid i am afraid

please please please please please pleaseplease

the gods will not save me. i suppose this is a lesson in hubris. i am forever a flightless thing

please please please i have no coin for the ferryman if i am to die now i will never reach the realm of hades please turn me into a bird any bird or a bug or something anything please please pleasepleaseplease

I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM N

What car seat headrest song is that ?

the fall of icarus (457 B.C.E.)

rushed to make this so it's a little wonky

it's them

DON'T REPOST MY ART TO OTHER WEBSITES

spideypool thing from last year 😦

we used to have normalized whump. remember what they took from you....

back in the day you could write about the most sickeningly vile atrocious war crimes happening to your blorbo and everyone was like. kyaaaaaaaa >w<. they just got it. they understood

What the fuck is whump

Don't worry about it kitten