I’m better

I’ve been sleeping so good while laying down with temperature AAAUGGGHHHHHH

now it’s almost 7 am and I’m still up

why can’t I stop? what stops me from relaxing? AAAAAAAA

I’m sick 🤒

I’ven’t really moved this year

I’ve ruined my health and became as sleepy and conscious as I was my last year

I’m better ⭐️

omg I genuinely feel nice and much better than before

I’ve managed to pull my average time when I feel sleepy from 02:00 to 00:30 but I still feel bad and my head hurts, thought flow is slow and etc.

My goal is to feel fresh in the morning, wake up to the sun and think as fast as I did before and more.

rating whatever I can remember to feel

stomach ache — 4/10 just because I can feel like my body is numb from sudden pain + it feel good to be healthy on the contrast

slepp deprived mind haziness -1000/10 — I feel miserable, dumb and not able to do anything about it especially if I’m not sleepung systematically BUT all my problems go away

slep deprived chills — -10000000/10 even if it hurts to much I feel weak and sometimes cry ugly about it

finding a person I want to be around — 8/10 really good but sometimes I feel drunk on this feeling to the point that it feels like it’s burning me inside (not pleasant)

positive dad attention — 100/10 no commentary needed

negative dad attention — 3/10 go&kms

negative mom attention — 5/10 just because we live separately and I can always hang up

They’re both shitty parents and I’m really sorry that my sisters are going to live through their shit.

In a conflict I chose (not knowingly) a parent who’s emotionally unavailable, but can provide me with experience, money and a lot of resources. I feel like that won’t work out for them. But my other parent in a walking bomb that’s ready to explode anytime, constantly spirals and gaslights the shit out of me, who is still more skilled at caregiving (in some aspects).

It’s like choosing between shit and urine. I’m tired. I make it look bad, but the reality is that I’m just drained by being in this.

ОНИ СТОЯТ ДРУГ ДРУГА БДЯЬЬ

I don’t have the courage to admit that they’re bad parents. J just don’t.%||

I think the worst thing about occasional physical abuse from your parents if that it’s suddenly flips your position. Like first you’re praised for your maturity, achievements and you’re an equal because you’re really helpful but then suddenly you’re just Not equal enough to be considered.

I just know that he/she wouldn’t hit anyone if there was a possibility of being pressured socially. I also wouldn’t