*please listen with headphones* I’ve been wanting to make a dream sequence to this song for soooo long!! I remember the first time I saw the first clip (the s3 teaser) and how much I loved it, how weird it was. It was dreamlike.. so I’m really happy I found a way to include it in an edit.
song: nude by radiohead
Holy fucking shittt!!!
You snapped what the fuck!!
This is so gorgeous chef !!!
You really step up your game!!!
That’s fire chef
Syd, you're everything I'm never gonna be. What the fuck are you talking about? You just...you are. You are considerate. You...you allow yourself to feel things, right? You allow yourself to care. You are a natural leader and teacher. And you're doing all this for every right fucking reason. And I get it. This is a great opportunity, right? And it's for a lot of fucking money and you can hire whoever the fuck you want, right? But this place right now, this is starting to gel. It is starting to feel alive, right? And you have seven people in this building who will jump in front of a fucking train for you right now. And I'm gonna do everything I can to set you up for success but...any chance of any kind of good in this building, it started when you walked in. And any possibility of it surviving, it's with you. How can you say that? I believe in you more than I've ever believed in myself. Jesus, why? Because you're The Bear.
Jeremy Allen White and Ayo Edebiri as Carmen Berzatto and Sydney Adamu in season 4 of The Bear (2022-present) created by Christopher Storer
I once read a blog post where the writer suggested that every season premiere of The Bear contains a subtle clue about Carmy and Sydney’s relationship arc. And after rewatching, I realized it’s absolutely true. But there’s something more: not only does each first episode hint at what will unfold over the course of the season, it also foreshadows how that storyline will be resolved in the following one.
Let me explain what I mean.
In Season 1, Sydney first walks into The Beef — that’s her and Carmy’s first on-screen interaction. And that’s not just a casual introduction. It’s a quiet clue: these two are going to build something together. By Season 2, that promise is fulfilled — they’re co-creating The Bear.
Later in Season 2, there’s a moment where Carmy asks Sydney what she’s doing after work. It’s awkward and ambiguous, but it feels like a failed attempt at asking her out. That emotional thread lingers until Season 3, where by the end, he finally does ask her — inviting her to the final dinner at Ever.
In Season 3, there’s also that important moment where Sydney tells Carmy to “fix things with Richie.” That’s the only clear directive she gives him. And even though she doesn’t say it, it’s implied: in order to move forward — both professionally and emotionally — he has to resolve that volatile relationship. What happens in Season 4? Carmy and Richie do finally reconcile, closing the loop that started in the season prior.
Now let’s talk about that crucial Season 4 scene — the one where Carmy essentially confesses his love to Sydney. Of course, he doesn’t say it plainly. He asks her if she likes “chaos,” and she replies, “No, I don’t.” But as someone smartly pointed out in another blog post, Carmy himself is the chaos. When she says she doesn’t like it, she’s saying she doesn’t like how he’s been — the mess, the misery.
And what does Sydney tell him next? “Just try being a little less miserable.” It clearly hurts him, but the line sticks.
So what does this mean for Season 5?
If the pattern continues — and I believe it will — then that final scene in Season 4 was our big clue. Carmy will be less miserable. He’ll finally realize that he doesn’t need chaos to be a great chef — or to be loved. And I think he will confess his feelings to Sydney, for real this time.
Remember when he said: “I don’t like this dysfunction” “I like this”? He meant her. He meant the restaurant they built together. And what did Sydney say back? Something like: “That’s probably the most miserable way you could’ve said it.”
Well, I think that’s what we’re going to see resolved next. He won’t be miserable. And he’ll say it in a way that she can hear — and believe. It’s going to be a good confession.
The writers won’t waste this. I’m sure of it. Season 5 is going to deliver.
One of the things I noticed about The Bear is that every first episode has a SydCarmy moment that defines the rest of the season. It is always a moment where it is just the two of them, and what happens usually has a major effect on how the season turns out. First season it was the meeting between Carmy and Sydney, and it was her being hired on at The Beef that finally got the restaurant moving in a direction of professionalism. In the second season, it was Carmy’s failed attempt at asking Sydney out in the first episode, and that failure lit a fire in him that helped kickstart a speedy reconstruction of their new restaurant. Third season, it was Sydney and Carmy together after he got out of the freezer, and it was her disapproval of Carmy contacting Claire and trying to make up with Richie, that ended up building up his guilt towards Claire, which added on to so many of his other traumas that he was refusing to deal with.
This time around, the defining SydCarmy moment of season 4 epi. 1 was a very poorly timed confession. In the start of their conversation, Carmy apologizes for not being good enough, which Sydney disagrees is the source of the problem. Here, she speaks frankly. It’s the chaos that the article speaks of, and she tells Carmy how she does not like it either. Who is the main source of the chaos- Carmy. Carmy is hearing a double meaning. You don’t like Chaos and I’M the chaos…so you don’t like me? He tries to get confirmation. Does she really associate me with chaos, which she just admitted to not liking? He then asks her if she thinks he likes chaos. She pretty much confirms his fears when she tells him how he could be so good if he didn’t have this need for mess. He is the chaos, the thing she openly states that she doesn’t like. And that hurts him. Badly. He tells her:
“Congrats. That knocked the wind right out of me.”
Sydney is confirming his worst fears. That she doesn’t feel the same way about him. And that hit him right in his soul. Sydney, at that moment, doesn’t understand the enormity of what this moment is feeling like for him, and she continues on with the conversation about his love of chaos:
“You don’t need it.”
And Carmy really replies with “Air?” because the dude is truly stunned at this moment.
As the conversation continues, Carmy tries again to defend himself about how he doesn’t like dysfunction. He is trying to convince her that that is not him, do not associate me with something you don’t like. When Sydney asks what does he likes, he takes it upon himself to push further, further than he ever gone before with her because he truly thinks that she is confessing her dislike of him. He tells her “I like this”, what they have, being together at this moment. He likes HER. But Sydney scoffs at it and criticizes his delivery…and Carmy took that as confirmation of his worst fears. He ducks his head and tells her “That hurt”, and after she walks off, he stares longingly at her, eyes slowly watering.
Brilliant brilliant brilliant
Court dismissed, they’re in love, your honor!
She rejects him in anger. He starts to go to work.
He took Tina’s advice, he wasn’t willing to let go without putting up a fight, even if she doesn’t want him. He ran towards her, instead of from, in spite of appearances.
And it turns out she’s been sublimating more than he has and realizes she wants him, too.
@habaritess this is so good.
They are mirrors.
The part where he basically says she knocked the air out of him (he needs her like he needs air) and that that it hurts and she goes: “Good!” and walks away.
And later after she talks to Pete how she says she’s getting some air and starts smoking?!!!
It’s the most loaded season yet.
Maybe someone already said this, but I just finished rewatching all 4 seasons, and i just need to say, it has never been clearer there is only one way this story can end.
Carmy grew up learning that love meant tension and hurt. His mom’s affection could flip to anger without warning. Michael loved Carmy deeply, but he also hated himself. He saw Carmy as bright, talented, full of potential, and thought he’d ruin him if he got too close. So Michael pushed him away, but never clearly explained his real reasons, never truly communicated his love.
This silence, this unresolved grief, became Carmy’s internal truth, he felt he was fundamentally unworthy of love, that he would never be chosen, and that belief became the fuel for his perfectionism, his self-destruction, his need to constantly prove himself. And then Michael died, and all that was left was silence, confusion, and this intense feeling of abandonment.
Carmy poured all this pain, longing, and grief into a dish, unknowingly sending a message out into the universe. Sydney tasted it, recognized it, and their souls connected before they even knew each other’s.
Sydney lost her mother young, and that shaped her as fiercely independent and deeply guarded. She’s been overlooked, dismissed, and not chosen repeatedly throughout her life professionally and personally. She protects herself because love, for Sydney, has always come with loss.
And when they meet, they ground each other but they also challenge each other’s worst instincts, because they met where it hurts.
Sydney holds everything too tightly, afraid of taking up space or asking for too much, and Carmy gives her space, gives her weight, shows her that her ideas matter. They both understand what it means to live with the absence of being seen; and they see each other.
So Carmy is terrified. The closeness he feels with Sydney scares him deeply because letting her in means confronting his original wound, his fear of abandonment, his sense of unworthiness, his terror of being fully seen and then rejected. So he pushes her away, again and again. He’s now repeating the pattern.
The pattern of running away, of love that is there, but it isn’t said, and care that is present, but it isn’t recognized, waiting out of fear, shame, confusion until it’s too late, until silence has already done its damage, and replicated itself because it was never fully understood, only interrupted. This is the pattern the show aims to break.
Throughout the seasons, Carmy slowly understands that Michael truly loved him. But understanding isn’t healing because the cycle has already been internalized. Because, when is too late, even if the words finally come, even if the love is finally named, it can’t undo the way it was withheld, it can’t rewind time or soften what it hardened. And this is the most important part of the pattern, saying it too late means it lands on someone who’s already learned to live without it, who’s already built an entire worldview around the idea that they weren’t worth it. This is why the series constantly highlights clocks and time running out. This is why Donna and Carmy’s conversation is shown just now.
The countdown is for Carmy to break the cycle, to choose differently, to not repeat the pattern.
This is why they were never allowed to become too close physically or emotionally because it was not the right time yet, they were not ready for it. The narrative holds them apart intentionally, showing Sydney getting close easily with Richie, and parallels how hard it was for Carmy to bridge that same intimacy with Mike, now is happening with Sydney. They can’t be intimate without facing everything that’s unsaid between them. It’s why their fight stops abruptly, leaving crucial things unsaid. They need to finish this conversation clearly, honestly, and fully. Them addressing their feelings is the story’s final act: the breaking of the pattern.
Carmy doesn’t know how to receive care without folding in on himself, doesn’t know how to exist outside of chaos, outside of punishment and pressure and silence; and Sydney doesn’t know how to believe in herself fully, how to let someone in without the fear of becoming a burden or being left again.
To break the pattern, Carmy has to stay when it gets hard, acknowledge what’s there, say what he feels before it becomes distance.Sydney has to learn that she can lean on someone without losing herself, that showing up doesn’t mean being invisible.
Part of the pattern has been broken already.
Carmy has never been chosen, he cannot understand being chosen unconditionally, without needing to earn it or prove himself. And also has never really chosen anyone or anything, he has been always been pushed towards or away.
But now Sydney has chosen him over and over again. Even after he chooses Claire over her, even after he chooses fear and avoidance over trust and vulnerability, Sydney stays. Each time Carmy disappoints her once, twice, three, four times. This is so important, because Sydney’s unwavering choice is exactly what Carmy needs most, but fears most deeply. I understand now why we spend almost 2 seasons on her decision about Shapiro. Now is Carmy’s turn, he has to choose clearly, openly, not just rely on silence and he has to show he will commit by it.
The only way to break the pattern is through explicit choice, acknowledgment and commitment.
And all this is romantic, not platonic. They brought Claire, just when they started getting closer (but now we know they would never have been able to get closer without akwnoledging their feelings); because her purpose was always to push Carmy towards a painful but necessary realization about what real love feels like. He needs this contrast to understand.
The series has quietly been guiding Carmy and Sydney toward a place where cycles break, where love is clearly chosen and freely given. So the only ending that makes sense is with Carmy recognizing his feelings, acknowledging his fears and choosing to stay with Sydney, and Sydney has to finally be chosen and allow Carmy into her personal world by letting him met her dad. I believe this the only way of closing their arcs and breaking the cycle of silence and self-isolation.
WHAT THE BEAR ACTUALLY IS
This show already provided us with a direct definition of what the bear really is, and they gave it to us in Fishes, nonetheless.
These are our keys to understanding this. The Bear is a person with all these attributes.
I have been coming back and forth on my perspective on Carmy leaving the Bear for the past week, because the declaration of Sydney being the Bear defyes everything I related to that symbol before, but, upon futter thinking, I don't think I was too far off.
For the past three seasons, I have related "the bear" to a trauma response, linking it to the bear being the person or identity used by members of the Berzatto family as a coping mechanism. In this context, Michael's bear, Natalie's bear, and Carmy's bear were different because the three siblings adopted different coping mechanisms in response to the stressful environments in which they grew up. That's why the show begins with him "releasing" the bear, as a way to release his trauma. The show would serve as a metaphorical exercise to release trauma, hence why it's so chaotic and intense in its display of emotions. Here was my mistake: I thought the bear was a beast to be tamed, or, for a better term, healed. That the bear will disappear or become more docile as Carmy's healing journey progresses, liberating he wounded child underneath.
However, the bear cannot be merely reduced to a trauma response; even if trauma is heaving involved.
The bear it is an identity, one that has been formed despite the trauma. It's a calling, a declaration of the true intent and nature of a soul. Carmy's and Sydney's souls.
long post underneath
THE BEAR S4 E10 Goodbye
This is by far one of my favorite episodes of the series. The whole thing feels like a one- act play!! The emotions !! The chemistry!! The acting!!! I love it so much !!
Carmy and for Nat's reintroductions to their mother after years of tension, and in Carmy's case, no communication, were fraught. We saw this during 3x08 Ice Chips with Nat's labour which Donna featured heavily in, and then in 4x07 Bears at Tiff's wedding where Carmy is blindsided by his mother and rescued by Richie and Syd.
At the risk of stating the obvious, these types of relationships are hard. Growing up with an abusive parent is hard. Family violence, coercive control, emotional abuse: these things are often open secrets in the immediate and extended families where they play out. When you come from communities where large extended families are as much your family as your immediate family (like Carmy's, like Syd's like many non-white, non-WASP communities), the open secret can range to a huge network. Folks you don't even know might know about your parent's fucked behaviour. So for children who are caught up in the middle of it all, there can be immense trauma both from being subjected to their family's abuse but also from navigating a whole ass community that has views and thoughts on the situation. And of course, folks in the family who are struggling with mental health issues and/or addiction like Mikey, like Donna, like Papa Berzatto wherever the hell he is, also have their own shit to navigate in these larger networks - particularly if they are trying to make up for the harm they may have perpetrated. There is more than enough shame to go around in these situations.
So with this context, I wanted to look at how three particular characters - Pete, Syd and Claire - respond to Donna Berzatto and her attempts to reengage with her family and what their responses tell us about relationships on this show.
Pete
In 2x10 The Bear, Pete spots Donna smoking a cigarette outside of the restaurant during Friends and Family (FNF) night. She has not come inside and is reluctant to do so, despite my beloved trying his best to convince her, knowing that his love, Donna's daughter Nat, was hoping to see her.
Donna tells Pete,
Donna: I don't deserve to see how good this is. I want them to have this good thing. And I don't wanna hurt it.
Pete tries a bit more to get Donna inside the restaurant but she begs him to let her go and tell her that its okay that she leaves. He reluctantly obliges and then goes back inside. We next see him talking to Nat while holding back tears BECAUSE HE IS A LOVING ANGEL OF A MAN.
When Nat concedes that the odds were right and Donna didn't show for FNF, she and Pete have the following conversation:
Pete: I mean, you...you know, this isn't easy.
Nat: What isn't easy?
Pete: You know, its a lot of people, a lot of history. Its just a lot.
Nat: Yeah. Yeah, its...
Pete: I wouldn't hold it against her.
Nat: No?
Pete: Not this one.
In the convo above, Pete gives both Nat and Donna grace.
When I first saw this episode of The Bear, I teared up at this scene. Pete has seen up close how the ravages of Donna's poor mental health and alcohol abuse have impacted all three of the Berzatto children, particularly his partner. As an outsider who hasn't been subjected to her abuse in the same way as her kids or extended family who have been around longer, he also has the distance to objectively see that Donna's abuse hasn't sprung up out of a vacuum. That she too, is harbouring her own ghosts. But Pete is not preachy about the latter with Nat. He doesn't tell Nat to forgive her mother for all of her sins. I mean, how could he? He's in no position to.
What Pete does tell Nat is that he wouldn't hold Donna's absence on FNF against her - "not this one" he says. And that's because of the insight he's gotten from Donna in their conversation outside the restaurant as well as the fact that Donna's absence is comparatively low stakes when it comes to the spectrum of impact that her abuse has had in the past (i.e. no one's getting their walls knocked down by a car or having Donna threatening self harm in their face). Pete also gives his advice to Nat as a recommendation - something he would do. He's not telling Nat what she should do. Thats a call for her to make. Pete gives Nat the grace to feel however which way she needs to while saying his piece.
I'll say it before and I'll say again: I LOVE THIS EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT, KIND MAN.
Also notably, the harshest words I've ever heard Pete use about Donna to Nat - or anyone else - were about the timing of her phone calls in 4x08 Green lol.
Sydney
Sydney meets the Berzatto matriarch for the first time in 4x07 Bears. But prior to this, she'd already heard from multiple sources about how difficult life in the Berzatto house was for Carmy. Sydney knows, through Richie, that Carmy's eldest brother shot himself in the head (recall the hardware store convo between them in 1x02 Hands). She knows, through Carmy, that Mikey was an addict and that Carmy is attending Al-Anon meetings to navigate his emotions following the loss of his brother (recall their alley chat at the end of 1x03 Brigade). She knows, through Carmy, that his mother drove a car through the family house and that he perceives his family as "weird" and "fucked-up" (recall her, Marcus and Carmy discussing cannolis in 2x08 Bolognese).
Its with the above context that Syd goes into her chat with Donna in 4x07. Syd also witnesses the affect that Donna has on Carmy earlier at the wedding (recall Syd and Richie swooping in to save Carmy who is already in the throes of a panic attack when his mother finds him):
Note: Syd's unbroken eye contact with Carmy to ground him in place, out of the panic attack. Richie's hand on Carmy's shoulder and his gentle pat to Carmy's face to do the same. PHEW some days, the Big Three have my whole heart.
Sydney then has that work-family/family-family heart to heart with Donna. The convo, while full of smiling faces, complements, and Syd gushing about Carmy, was tense. You could see Donna's struggle to sit through it, to sit through hearing how wonderful her son is. We find out later in 4x09 Tonnato that this is because Donna is now coming to terms with the consequences that her abuse has had on her relationships with her kids. There is so much about Carmen, her youngest, that Donna does not know. There is so much that she has missed because of their estrangement and in her convo with Syd, she's now having some of the reality of her abuse mirrored back at her.
Syd was also visibly stressed in that conversation. Her smiles throughout were strained. You could also tell that she was making a concerted effort to keep Donna as regulated as possible (I know because I've pulled many of those smiles in my time, have spoken octaves above my usual register to keep things sweet and calm). Donna then leaves the conversation when it seems like hearing about Carmy from a stranger gets too much, and, like her interaction with Pete in 2x10, she asks Syd to cover for her. Syd then takes a long swig of her champagne because, well, she deserves it LOL.
Later, following wild scenes with that fucking table, Frank, Claire, Evie, Richie and the Faks, Sydney finds Carmy. As @yangsharperavery points out here, you can visibly see Carmy's body relax as Sydney draws near to him in this scene. Syd and Carmy then have the following convo:
Syd: She left.
Carmy: Thank God.
Syd: Okay.
Carmy: Was that...Its...It was okay?
Syd: Yeah. It was totally fine.
Carmy: Yeah?
Syd: Really. Yes, yes.
Carmy: Good.
Syd: Yeah. Um...I think it was hard or weird for her too, you know. Just everything, everybody.
Carmy: Yeah. No, I know. I'm trying to, you know, make some room for that. I'm trying to think about that.
Syd: Are you?
Carmy: I'm trying to, yeah.
We can see how Sydney's discussion with Carmy in 4x07 Bears mirrors that of Pete with Nat in 2x10 The Bear. Like Pete, Syd gives grace to Donna by acknowledging her struggle to be at another large family gathering ("I think it was hard or weird for her too [...] Just everything, everybody").
After cutting to and back from Claire, Frank and Richie trying to get Evie out from under a table (/gag me with this stupid ass stunt), we rejoin Carmy and Syd's convo:
Syd: Was it nice seeing her, or...
Carmy: I think so, I mean, I'm...I'm glad she seems okay, you know?
Syd: Yeah.
Carmy: Um...And thank you for...for talking to her.
Syd: No, its totally fine. I don't care. I think she just wanted to know how you were, you know.
In their brief dialogue, its evident that Carmy is concerned about how the conversation between Donna and Sydney went. This could be fuelled by one or both of two things:
Regardless of which of these is behind Carmy's anxiety over Donna, Syd gives him grace by acknowledging and respecting the existence of his fear ("She left" = 'she's gone, you can breathe now'). She also doesn't misrepresent her encounter with Donna to be something nefarious (which is what a few of the other guests at this wedding seem to be hanging out for - more on this soon) and reassures Carmy that his mother seemed to just want to know how he was doing. This appears to put Carmy at ease.
Later, Stevie joins the conversation and brings up Donna with Syd:
Stevie: I saw you met Donna.
Syd: Oh. Yes.
Stevie: Donna rules, right?
Carmy: *awkwardly smiles at the floor*
Syd: Uh, y-yeah, it was, you know...It was...it was an experience. *looks at Carmy* It was nice. It was fine. It was fine.
This "banter" from Stevie and others like Uncle Lee (recall his drivel in 2x06 Fishes) is what instils shame in domestic violence survivors and children of addicts. It does nothing to support the child who has gone through the violence or survived the chaos of their parent's addiction and who very likely has a complex relationship with the perpetrator by virtue of them being their primary caregiver. Stevie's sarcastic dig was small, petty bullshit. Carmy feels it too which is why his demeanour shifts to self-conscious in an instant.
Syd catches on and quickly cuts Stevie's baiting off as diplomatically as possible. I can only imagine what a relief this would have been for Carmy. I don't think we have met anyone in his circle do what Syd did when it comes to the spectre of Donna. She gave both Carmy and Donna grace and did not fall into the toxicity that the other Bears seem to regularly revel in.
Claire
Which brings us to Claire.
I know there's uproar in the fandom about how Dr Malpractice has been thrust into the plot this season and the concern around how she's been pitted against Syd. I get it, particularly in relation to the fucked racial optics of the whole exercise. But I think, as others have said on here, that her character is a narrative tool and a foil to Sydney's (which is why she's written so flatly - and I'd argue sinisterly - we're not supposed to be rooting for her). There are lots of examples of how this character has been written and acted that support what I and others are saying, including what I'm going to get into below...so humour me for a little while longer.
Recall early in 4x07, Claire and Stevie are supporting an anxious Frank who is worried about the number of Berzattos at his wedding:
Frank: What does this usually end up like?
Stevie and Claire: *obnoxiously chuckle*
Frank: What? Oh no.
Stevie: No, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's...here's one way to look at it, its really fun.
Frank: Okay. Got it.
Stevie: Genuinely.
[...]
Claire: Its a lot of people with very specific and unique personalities that feel things very strongly. Feel things deeply, and experience life intensely.
Stevie: Intensely. Yeah.
Frank: So everything's gonna be just fine?
Stevie: It is gonna be fine.
Frank: You've been to these before, right?
Stevie: *enthusiastically* Every chance I get. Every chance I get.
In the above bit of dialogue, Claire and Stevie give no grace to the Berzattos. They actually laugh in relish of the disaster - the Fishes 2.0 - that they anticipate will happen at Tiff's wedding. Stevie talks about wanting to attend every Berzatto event he can, presumably so he can continue his morbid spectatorship.
Even Claire's attempt at trying to diplomatically rephrase Stevie's sarcastic characterisation falls short. She effectively just describes a group of people with pulses, (The Berzattos are people "who feel things deeply"? what's the alternative? oh wait...I know: replicants) but her particular phrasing (with its focus on big feelings, as opposed to rational thoughts) is how I suspect many WASPs (White Anglo-Saxon Protestants, for those who aren't familiar) view non-WASPs. We know how repressed and culturally bereft white folks who are part of the former group can be. Historically its this group that drove the British Empire and associated assimilationist policies in former colonies like Australia, Canada and America, including those that subsumed the Italian-American community into the category of "white" in America. Given this, its no surprise that WASPy Claire and Stevie get off on consuming The Berzattos, their complex history and trauma, to help fill their own personal and cultural voids.
Back to the wedding though...after Frank leaves the conversation, Claire and Stevie continue:
Stevie: I mean, what? *laughs* What other way...what other way is there to say it?
Claire: I think maybe we should've told him, like, the direct truth.
Stevie: That he's fucked?
Claire: I mean, maybe.
Stevie: There's no warning that can sum up what this is gonna be.
Claire: I know, but he's just, like, such a sweet soul.
Stevie: So was I.
Can we talk about how the WASPs in this scenario are self-describing themselves as "sweet" (read: "innocent") as compared to the "corrupted" Berzattos? The covert racism here is fucking gross.
And then Claire says about Stevie (but also about herself because its established that she is an adrenaline junkie):
Claire: But you're still here. You, like, want it.
Stevie: I do.
Claire: You get a high off of it.
Stevie: If they didn't bring it, I'd be a little heartbroken.
So we have more evidence of how Claire and Stevie treat The Berzatto family as entertainment. Trauma is to be consumed like so many cannolis. No grace is given to anyone here.
This pattern of behaviour continues with Claire's treatment of Carmy throughout the wedding, most pointedly when she mocks Carmy's anxiety associated with his family which she knows about and has witnessed (recall her telling him not to apologise for having a panic attack about the Christmas dinner in Fishes in 2x08 Bolognese). She does this in that scene under the table where all the adults share their fears. While Claire tries to convince Evie that everyone is scared, the following dialogue occurs:
Claire: I mean I'm scared all the time. So is Uncle Carmy. Right Carm?
Carmy: Oh yeah, I get scared.
Evie: You get scared, Carmy?
Carmy: Big time. I get really scared sometimes, yeah.
Claire: *in a mock serious voice* Yeah, honey, Carmy is very scared.
Carmy: Okay. [sighs in resignation]
Notice the difference in conjugation of "to be scared" between Carmy and Claire. Carmy says he gets scared which describes particular instances of fear and that he admits to experiencing. Claire says Carmy is scared - is very scared, actually - which describes Carmy as currently being in a perpetual state of extreme fear. This subtle difference and Molly Gordon's delivery of her line, reeks of mockery. Claire again, gives no grace to Carmy in this moment when its established she, of all people, should know how confronting being at the wedding was going to be for him. She also shames him for his anxiety. This was fucking gross and made it incredibly clear to me that the woman is not endgame for anyone (other than maybe Stevie? One of the Faks? Who cares). I mean she's also wearing a red dress like a walking red flag to drive the point home (notably, Syd and Pete have been sartorially signalled as equals as deliciously noted in @fairestbeard's meta and reblogs here).
Supportive partners
So...in summary: Pete and Syd are shown in 2x10 and 4x07 to do the quiet, consistent work of supporting each of the surviving Berzatto children through very stressful moments involving their mother, Donna. They do not shame children who have already gone through so much of it in their lifetimes. They give grace instead.
One might argue that Pete and Syd provide elevated comfort to both Nat and Carmy - a comfort that was subtextually described by Syd in 1x06 Ceres. This is in direct contrast to Claire who plainly tells us in 4x07 that she enjoys consuming the vibes down in the chaos:
Idk how I feel about the theory about Claire and Mikey having something weird going on. But I remember someone pointing out the hockey skates and other things in 4x09 as an indicator that it was Mikey’s room that Carmy found the green sweater in. Well I was rewatching 2x02 and this:
4x09
Now wait a damn minute
But you saved me!
Don’t even start !!
He wanted something different.
And then she walks into his life and he forgets what UPS is. She's creative, warm, never second guesses his instincts at this one thing he knows he's good at, even when everyone else does. He feels at peace with her next to him, and in this industry of managing chaos, he craves that comfort.
But she's also firm, ambitious and excellent when his place is not. He suspects - actually probably fucking knows - that she will push him. She won't let him escape his grief through the comfort of routine, and in his case, the comfort of The Beef's familiar dysfunction.
She will push him to finding that elevated comfort.
She even tells him he can have a taste, that everything he needs to have it is right in front of him.
Fuck if he hasn't thought about it.
But that will open a door he's not ready for yet. Right now, he needs the familiar scents of giardiniera on Mikey's clothes, he needs the deciphering of Mikey's scribbles on a spreadsheet, he needs the daily reminders of a life he was kept from, of a life he craved, even if it was one that ended in his brother killing himself, fuck, he needs a minute.
And right now, she's with him, here in the chaos of his brother's kitchen, and things are sort of, kind of a little bit chill.
He wants to hold onto that for as long as he possibly can.
Still, he wants. Wants that taste. Of her. Of a peace beyond the only way he knows. Its on the tip of his tongue, right here and he can have a taste. He wants her elevated comfort but he's not ready and he can't fully explain why. It feels like he's afraid of this good thing happening cos he thinks something bad's gonna happen.
He suspects its because once he has that good thing, he might lose it all tomorrow. Like he did with Mikey, like he did when he lived with Ma and every day was unpredictable fucking chaos. Richie starts talking about how Tiff calls him Richie Bad News cos he's contagious and only calls with bad news. That's not what Carmy's talking about.
She doesn't stop though.
She's still here and now she's asking him if he has time for that taste.
Fuck it.
Fuck it and its tremendous. Creamy, slightly sweet and savoury risotto with that shellfish stock he helped her strain, juicy flesh that melts in his mouth and an acid brightness because of the cola braise. Spaghetti doesn't compare. This is the two of them and its fucking perfect...but he can't let himself have it. Because he know's he'll lose it and having it and then losing it is more than he can bear right now. So he pushes her away, gently enough that she doesn't leave. Firm enough to buy himself some time. He tells her they're getting closer.
But he needs her to understand. He's not ready.
One day, he'll tell her how she makes him feel. How he struggles with dysfunction but craves its familiarity. But how she cuts through it all. The elevated comfort she brings him.
One day he'll be ready. Ready to tell her.
One day Carmy will tell Sydney, he likes this.
You are considerate. You...You allow yourself to feel things, right? You allow yourself to care. You are a natural leader and teacher. And you're doing all this stuff for every right fucking reason. And- And I get it. This is a great opportunity, right? And its for a lot of fucking money and you can hire whoever the fuck you want, right? But this place, right now, this is starting to gel. It is starting to feel alive, right? And you have seven people in this building who will jump in front of a fucking train for you right now. And I'm gonna do everything I can to set you up for success but any chance of any kind of good in this building, it started when you walked in. And any possibility of it surviving? It’s with you.
- Carmen Berzatto to Sydney Adamu, 4x10 Goodbye
“I’m not block by it anymore, I’m not scares of anymore , I’m not sprint from that.”
