dino saurs were not scary monsters they were mamas with eggs and when they drank water they were like fuckk yessss waterrrr

Why bestie got two right hands

Thinking about the Holmes story where a blind girl goes to him and is like "My fiancé is missing and he kept telling me the week leading up to his disappearance that he would always love me and come back for me,were anything to happen so I think he knew he was in trouble and I love him so much and I'm going to wait for him but I'd like to find him faster,ya know?" And Holmes figures out that it was this girl's parents to scam her out of money she was owed from an estate which she gave to them because she was still living at home,which she wouldn't be if she ever married,so her step father PRETENDED TO DATE HER for MONTHS to keep her from ever getting engaged to a real person and when Holmes finds out he confronts this man and this man is like "Well,you caught me! But it wasn't illegal:) so:)" and Holmes is like "No,but it was sickening and cruel and if she had a brother or good male friend he should post you up and whip you but she doesn't." And the man is like "No,she doesn't." And does the Victorian version of sticking his tongue out and Holmes is like "Well,I guess I'll do then!" And HE PULLS OUT HIS HUNTING WHIP.

dry humping in its specificity as a term implies the existence of wet humping

not my best work

somehow this doggo comes to mind…

if only karl marx had written something about this phenomenon

an editor's job is to keep you humble

whittled wolves

Sounds hot

theres a whole album of song titles you can make just from the words of this tweet

check out my next stoner metal ep, featuring such classics as:

this makes smoking weed sound so much cooler than it is

Trouts will be like, “Is anyone else gonna lay their entire body weight on you and sink their claws into your boobs?” and not wait for an answer

locked the fuck in get my money up

everytime I’m reminded that men will straight up complain about how pussy smells and there’s a whole industry around women buying products trying to cure it like some kind of disease it Goes in the evidence pile towards heterosexuality being some kind of obligation based death cult wherein each side despises one another truly and deeply . What I wanted to post is I would huff pussy smell out of a paper bag in a back alley like it’s paint fumes but the thought went elsewhere