Contained Mayhem

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
the-tomorrow-road
darillium-night

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Update from the man himself

holdtightclothing

The Porn Guy aka The Nice Guy aka The Canadian side of Pornhub aka SFW Pornhub’s REAL NAME is Ryan Creamer. No joke, that is legit his real name.

Also this.

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Which led him to this.

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Bless this man.

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the-nightman783

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lynati

I can appreciate him and the service he’s providing independently of the shitshow that is the platform he’s hosted on.

fly-chicken

Ryan Creamer from Pornhub standing in a room presenting a slideshow. he is a red headed and bearded male, dressed in black round glasses, black long sleeved turtleneck and khaki slacks with brown dress shoes. His slide is a photo of him shirtless in a presumed shower with a blank white screen to his left for a drop-down list. in the photo (in the presentation) he is giving a thumbs up. The slide is titled 'Ryan Creamer'. Ryan presents this slide while stating "I have no prestige"
Closeup of the slide with Ryan stating "My eulogy will one day include the word "Pornhub". The slide has the following Bullet points -no prestige and -Eulogy will one day include the word "Pornhub"
A cut back to Ryan presenting in a black turtleneck. An audience member states "Oh no!" in response to the Pornhub mention. Ryan continues " And up until very recently..."
Ryan continues "I thought the word 'COWabunga was pronounced CALIbunga". Cut back to the presentation slide with a new bullet "thought it was pronounced 'Calibunga' up until recently"
Cut back to Ryan in a turtleneck presenting who states "like California"

He remains just as funny and weird on other platforms dw

fly-chicken

Ryan Creamer from Pornhub, a red headed bearded man presenting a slideshow. He is wearing glasses, a turtleneck black shirt, khaki slacks and brown dress shoes. The first slide in the presentation is Titled 'Can I get an Honorary Degree if I Just Ask Really Nicely'

By the way, the topic he was presenting was

‘Can I get an Honorary Degree if I Just Ask Really Nicely’

deathsmallcaps

What’s the answer?

derinthescarletpescatarian

The answer is “no”, with the side note of “when asking a list of random colleges for an honorary degree, be sure to research them better, because a white guy who got famous on pornhub accidentally asking a black women’s college to give him a degree for doing nothing gets awkward really fast”

the-tomorrow-road
robustcornhusk

quotes and excerpts float around on tumblr that are like "stories make us human! the most important thing is stories. stories can change the world!" and it's very compelling until you remember that writers, who are broadly (but not universally) revved up about stories, are broadly (but not universally) good at writing

i went to a talk tonight that was being given by a food person, and they were like "food and cooking make us human! the most important thing in the world is feeding people. home cooking can change the world!"

(nearly verbatim but rearranged)

so i'm glad it's not an affliction unique to writers

izzymrdb
minubell

AU where Sauron literally pours all of his cruelty and malice and will to dominate all life into the One Ring...

And then just fucking stares at at it for five seconds before dropping it on the ground and leaving because without all that stuff he's Nice now.

writerxwren

Why does this sound like crackfic C.S. Lewis would write just to get back at Tolkien for disapproving of him putting a lamppost in Narnia

godforsakenprospero
crippled-peeper

having sex with your friends is so very normal please stop poisoning the youths minds with shame surrounding hooking up with your friends. especially if you’re gay

crippled-peeper

people are so fucking mad in the notes that adults have sex with each other and aren’t married sometimes. yall are carbon copies of your conservative parents and you’re so proud of it. ewwww

crippled-peeper

#is op joking... #i hate todays hookup cultureALT

calling the sex I have with my friends “hookup culture” is insulting and incorrect. these are guys who take care of me and take me on dates and watch fun movies with me. being a disabled faggot too, they help me clean my place and take my trash out for me. they care for me and are on my emergency contact lists. trying to slap the label of “todays hookup culture!!!” on it is diminishing and devaluing those relationships

secondly, gay and bi men have been fucking all their friends and cruising and hooking up with total strangers since LLOOONGGGG before you were born and will continue doing so LLOOONGGG after you die. it’s never been a trend or a fad for us. It’s just a way of life for some of us and you aren’t going to change that by being disgusted by it

crippled-peeper

#nonmarital sex is one of the crimes excluded by the "be gay do crimes" i seeALT

this tag has me in stitches