Behold! The printing titty!
I normally tag these posts “specific ass machines” after a minor meme that blew through Tumblr, but I was tempted to tag this one “specific boob machines”.
(Artist meow25meow seems to have had their Twitter account nuked and I cannot find any other original source to link to.)
disappearing into the bathroom at the club only to reappear covered in decorative printing patterns followed by a 10ft lady wearing bowls as a bra
... the worst bit is I know several people this could be, especially given the 'in Australia' clarification
If you know them then there's a chance I might know some of them and that thought will keep me up at night.
This wasn’t the guy who we all know who used to spray his jeans with Mortein and then light himself on fire, was it?
He used to sit at the back of the bus, cup his hand, spray deodorant into it, then open it and light it on fire with a lighter in one fell swoop to try and impress girls.
He had to stop because the bus company begged our school to tell him to stop bc of legal liability. His hands never actually got damaged after doing it for about a year.
I reached out to my old friend in question here, because I've been thinking about him all day.
I do not know what "the amulet" is. I have no idea what "the amulet" is referring to.
I instantly remembered when he said that.
While we were all at the local park doing legal things that teenagers would do back in the late 2000s, my friend here found a rock at our old smoke spot that was unusually smooth and flat. He liked it so much that he took it to the woodwork classrooms at school, drilled a hole in it, and hung it on a necklace.
When we asked why he weanwearing this dinky-ass pebble on his neck, he claimed it prevented him from ever getting food-related illnesses: wouldn't get food poisoning, couldn't over-eat, was able to ingest anything (prior to him finding The Amulet, a few of us used to play a game called "Devil's Piss" where we would take turns shoving random food bits into a bottle of coke, and the first person to take a sip would get two dollars from the other players).
When we all asked him for the proof that this rock is magical—because nobody believed him, obviously—he said to meet him behind the History block at lunch, where he said he would drink two litres (or half a gallon) of milk in one go and not puke.
We met him there, and about ten of us all watched him down a whole bottle of strawberry milk in two or three breaths.
He didn't puke.
He jumped up and down and punched his stomach to prove it.
He still didn't puke.
I'm so glad I'm alive.
Florida Man has finally met his match...
... the worst bit is I know several people this could be, especially given the 'in Australia' clarification
If you know them then there's a chance I might know some of them and that thought will keep me up at night.
This wasn’t the guy who we all know who used to spray his jeans with Mortein and then light himself on fire, was it?
He used to sit at the back of the bus, cup his hand, spray deodorant into it, then open it and light it on fire with a lighter in one fell swoop to try and impress girls.
He had to stop because the bus company begged our school to tell him to stop bc of legal liability. His hands never actually got damaged after doing it for about a year.
I reached out to my old friend in question here, because I've been thinking about him all day.
I do not know what "the amulet" is. I have no idea what "the amulet" is referring to.
I instantly remembered when he said that.
While we were all at the local park doing legal things that teenagers would do back in the late 2000s, my friend here found a rock at our old smoke spot that was unusually smooth and flat. He liked it so much that he took it to the woodwork classrooms at school, drilled a hole in it, and hung it on a necklace.
When we asked why he weanwearing this dinky-ass pebble on his neck, he claimed it prevented him from ever getting food-related illnesses: wouldn't get food poisoning, couldn't over-eat, was able to ingest anything (prior to him finding The Amulet, a few of us used to play a game called "Devil's Piss" where we would take turns shoving random food bits into a bottle of coke, and the first person to take a sip would get two dollars from the other players).
When we all asked him for the proof that this rock is magical—because nobody believed him, obviously—he said to meet him behind the History block at lunch, where he said he would drink two litres (or half a gallon) of milk in one go and not puke.
We met him there, and about ten of us all watched him down a whole bottle of strawberry milk in two or three breaths.
He didn't puke.
He jumped up and down and punched his stomach to prove it.
He still didn't puke.
I'm so glad I'm alive.
Florida Man has finally met his match...
We do not do elf of the shelf but our house does have borrowers. Penny knows that if she leaves a mess out at night the borrowers will take that as a sign that they can have it and take it into the walls to build their homes
This teaches her to out her stuff away at the end of the night or I chuck it out and also sometimes she wakes up and yells "HEY ELEVES I LEFT YOU SOME STUFF!" And it is hilarious
Penny: THE ELVES HAVE ONIONTIZED
My mom on FaceTime: ???
Me: I had to explain to Penny how the borrowers are part of the elf union and so they go to North Pole the last 3 weeks of the year so no one ever has to work too much over time and that's why they haven't taken mommy's wrapping paper or scissors or anything else I've left out... shes trying to explain the elf union to you.
Penny: THEY GET PAID EXTRA CAUSE OF THE ONION
I'm in tears 🤣🤣🤣
I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.
American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.
Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.
"How do you write such realistic dialogue-" I TALK TO MYSELF. I TALK TO MYSELF AND I PRETEND I AM THE ONE SAYING THE LINE. LIKE SANITY IS SLOWLY SLIPPING FROM BETWEEN MY FINGERS WITH EVERY MEASLY WORD THEY TYPE OUT. THAT IS HOW.
So, why did fantasy-counterpart Aztecs become the stock dinosaurs riders? Mexico and Central America had dinosaurs but not really the greatest line-up, and they weren't exactly known as great riders. If we're going for places with awesome dinosaurs finds and epic horsemanship, we need Mongols on ceratopsians.
So the minute you put anyone on a dinosaur, they become vaguely Mesoamerican
Part of it I think is that Stock Euro Fantasy Kingdom/Wuxialand/Totally Not Ancient Egypt/Transylvania Knockoff all have been done enough times that they've got their own staples of elements and archetypes. You can have dinosaurs, but you're explicitly messing with the formula by doing so. Fantasy rooted in the Americas (be that "Apple Pie and Baseball with Magic," Weird West, Mesoamerican Fantasy, or whatever) tend to be less established, so they have more "wiggle room" to slot things like dinosaurs in.
All that said, I do have a strong urge all of a sudden to toss a bunch of dinosaurs in Vampire Country for fun.
Ancient line of vampires with a pterosaur motif instead of bats
Pegomastax ghouls
smilodon-based bestial vampires
Other settings have scary vampires who are six thousand years old. Think of how scary they get when they hit the millions.
Strains of lycanthropy that turn you into various prehistoric beasts.
Heck, just play up the "mundane" aspect of dinosaurs as wild animals that can threaten children and livestock.
And then on the more benign side of things, I can picture the setting's Roma analogue using thyreophorans and sauropods as companion animals and beasts of burden.
The Outbursts of Everett True was a comic strip that ran in papers from 1905 to 1927, wherein the aforementioned Everett True regularly beat the everliving shit out of rude people as a warning to anyone else who might consider being rude. Men have not only been taking up too much room on public transport for about as long as public transport has existed, but the people around them have been irritated about it for at least a hundred years. The next time someone tries to claim that manspreading is a false phenomenon, please direct them to this strip so that Everett True can correct their misconceptions with an umbrella upside the head.
I have never before heard of Everett True, but if he “regularly beat the everliving shit out of rude people as a warning to anyone else who might consider being rude,” I have a strong spiritual connection with him.
I fucking love him
i can imagine this guy’s voice very clearly in my head but i couldn’t put a name to it
He also jabs racists in the eye!
I love the justice grandpa of fists
I’m very lucky to own a book that’s a collection of most of these comics (sadly not all of them) and would highly recommend hunting these down if you can. Sorry for the lack of a scanner but phone photos will just have to do.
He was a enjoyable cuss who didn’t care for war mongering.
Especially profitable war mongering and excuses for it!
He certainly didn’t like selfish husbands and fathers!
Politicians who turned on their words once they got theirs weren’t safe.
He said fuck the police!
He absolutely didn’t like people ruining little things for kids.
He stood up for foreigners. Especially those doing their best to communicate with limited second language knowledge.
He was not having any tomfoolery when it came to gun safety and laws. Especially with youth involved.
You had better not abuse a animal with him nearby. He’d right that wrong real quick!
And best of all him and his wife were both prickly cusses together. Relationship goals.
Everett Truth Coming Out Of His Well to Shame Mankind
A HERO <3
shadowgast wedding at aeor and it's them sending a normal save-the-date card to all their friends and sending an extra card to their wizard friends that says: 'prepare your biggest spells. we're fighting a necromantic emerald. do NOT tell the non-wizards about this. they will try to stop us. we may be squishy but we have numbers'
so it's the wedding and caleb, essek, yussa, allura (who ignores any rational thought she may have because she misses doing wizard shenanigans), astrid, eadwulf and all the other wizards sneaking off during the afterparty and circling the stupid obelisk. the wizards are NOT sneaky at all (but think that they are) and the wedding guests are watching a safe distance away with healing spells at the ready (jester has spare the dying)
they all cast spells upcharged at 9th level to try and grab it. caleb goes for telekenesis. essek casts magnify gravity. allura stylishly evokes crown of stars. yussa, feeling particularly high in hubris today, picks chain lightning and doesn't notice how close they all are to the gem. astrid and eadwulf ready dispel magic. they all send out their spells.
an explosion of light decorates the starry night of aeor. veth fires off her gun to add to the chaos and jester whips out her celebone. the dust and snow clears and display a heap of wizards knocked out on their asses and an emerald shining brightly than ever before.
beau, frustrated at how dumb all the wizards are, decides to teach them a lesson. she dashes to the emerald before they can recover and goes to activates its defenses again, to punish them before they make another dumbass attempt. she imbues her punch with stunning strike, and to her and everyone else's surprise, the emerald falls from it's grooves from her punch.
as the emerald falls, a note is tucked behind where it was embedded. the note, in ancient aeroian, says: 'LOL i bet this killed like five hundred wizards before someone with no magic finally decided to just punch this XD. anyways wizards suck check out my dad's shop at the market of wonders #BrutusWasHere'
