So let me get this straight:
You're okay with your children watching murder scenes or worse things in media, but when two boys/two girls kiss is suddenly too much for you.
Do you realize how horrible does that sound?
You prefer your children watching something ilegal and immoral (like yk, killing someone) over letting them watch two persons showing that love has no gender.
Very logical.
Very very logical.
And not inhuman at all.
“you can’t ship them, they never met and he’s not even gay” WELCOME TO THE TRENCHES BABY, FIRE UP THAT CAN(N)ON BECAUSE THERE ARE NO RULES IN WAR 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Alastor: *Standing on the balcony with a smoke hanging from his lips as he searches his pockets*
Lucifer: ……..Forget a light?
Alastor: Hardly… it seems dear Niffty…. has stolen my matches again, for another one of her art projects…
Lucifer: Need a hand?
Alastor: *Still searching* If you please…….. seems she’s also taken my watch…
Lucifer: *Leans over grabbing alastor by the chin to gently flick out his tongue, licking the end of his cigarette, lighting it with a tiny spark*
Alastor: ……*Deer in headlights trying to fathom what the fuck just happened* …………
Lucifer: -BLEEEHHHH!!!!!! *Flinching backwards slapping at his tongue* eheehhhhewwww!!! ugh!…. gross!!!! I forgot tobacco tastes terrible! uuughhhh!!! *Spitting on the ground*
Alastor: ……….……… T-then why the Hell did you do it???
Lucifer: I breathe fire! I was Tryna help you out!!
Alastor: …………………...you also shoot fire…….OUT OF YOUR FUCKING HANDS!!!!
Lucifer: I FORGOT OKAY?!??!
Alastor: -IVE ALSO SEEN YOU CREATE CHAMPAGNE FOUNTAINS OUT OF THIN AIR!!! YOU COULD HAVE JUST MADE ME A SINGULAR FUCKING MATCH!!!!
Lucifer: -FUCKOFF! I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE!!!!
Alastor: -YOU SHOULD BE TRYING TO GROW A BRAINCELL!!!!
there is no way jason and tim haven't gotten bored during patrol and decided to switch places for a bit. like the amount they must banter and joke about how tim stole robin so he's coming for red hood next, and that jason's gonna steal red robin as revenge for taking robin for him; there has to be an occasion where during a slow night they're both bored and in funny moods so they just switch costumes behind an air conditioning unit without telling anyone for a laugh.
jason shows up to red robin's rendezvous with nightwing, batman and robin clearly about to tear through tim's suit. dick and damian stare at him in the utmost bafflement until bruce opens his mouth to ask what the fuck and dick cuts him off with a 'hoooold on b, i kinda wanna see what happens when he tries to use those bo-staffs.'
they end up just quietly accepting it and jason spends the next three hours doing the MOST dramatic tim impressions he can, including answering literally everything with 'uhm, actually ☝️🤓' vibes and every five minutes going in a very high pitched voice 'man, jason todd sure was my hero back when he was robin. i wish i had been good enough to fill his shoes but alas, i am just a pathetic little rich boy with no skills other than being a potential peeping-tom'. damian laughs. every time. there also comes a point where they all get into a fight with some criminals and jason has to bust out the bo-staffs except he was never trained with them so he doesn't know the techniques, and it ends up with dick sat on top of a billboard calling out point scores as jason runs around holding one of the staffs like fuckin steve harrington with his nail-bat just whacking guys over the head with it as if he's playing fuckin' goon-golf.
meanwhile tim is over in crime alley surrounded by jason's subordinates who ABSOLUTELY fuckin' know this is red robin wearing their bosses suit because it is DROWNING him and they've seen the two hang out enough to catch onto tim's speech style, except they are absolutely NOT going to be interfering or asking why because red robin is wearing a bomb-helmet and is clearly ENTIERLY too happy to be in a situation where it is socially acceptable for him to be using guns and threatening to kill people and jason's goons do NOT want to get involved. the rest of the bats finally end up in crime alley and they find 'red hood' sat on a chair in the middle of a street he's blocked off via death threats overseeing a human version of chess that he's playing against black mask (who does not seem to realise this isn't jason) complete with a chalk chess board drawn on the road and all of jason's subordinates resignedly standing in separate squares with pieces of paper stuck to their heads declaring what kind of piece they're supposed to be. jason and dick walk onto the street just in time to watch tim declare 'knight to E5!' and the guy with 'knight' pinned to his forehead clocks his real boss entering the scene dressed as red robin, sighs bitterly at him, drags his feet over to where black mask's 'queen' goon is staring at the floor forlornly, says 'sorry matthew,' and then proceeds to sock him in the face so hard the guy goes down in one hit.
I like to imagine that they don't really move into one or the other room. They just sort of took over the whole floor. well, most of the floor they still needed the elevator to get to the floor. But I'd like to imagine you get off the elevator there's like a small room Area that's kind of a blend of their personalities. A bit of a circus/petting zoo theme, a bit of a southern gothic theme. When you enter the room, you can actually see that there is still a splitness. Alastor's bayou is still there. But now it's also mixed with their bedroom. As for the bed Alastor's, like, "i'm not sleeping on your duck Bed". And Lucifer's like, "well, I want ducks on the bed". So they compromised, and its place is a combination of the two previous beds. A beautiful wooden ornate canopy bed. With the headboard being a deer huddling around a small duck family. The room also has a balcony overlooking the city, a fireplace with a sitting area and access to Alastor's radio tower. With the magic lock on it. Only a permitted few are allowed in. And of course, rubber ducks scattered everywhere. but Lucifer and Alastor have aggrieved to keep it to a minimum. The rooms are also magically soundproofed. For good reason. (might use it in a fan fiction At some point, but I want other people to use it)
Vox oh Vox you messed with the wrong thing...
who can spot a headcanon?
This was the last comic in pride month series! Alastor's sufferungs are finally over
bonus:
Alastor announcing to Charlie that Husk will not be manning the bar for a few hours because they have a very important business meeting that he cannot postpone.
The very important business meeting being that Al needs a break from everyone going on his nerves and pissing him off. So he needs Husk to sit in his room with him, while he reads a book and Husk plays solitaire with his special occasion only cards. They let some jazz play quietly in the background and have some of the good whiskey, that Husk hides from everyone else.
Why does he need Husk for that, you ask? Husk has the cat quality of just improving your mood by existing in the same space as you. Also he gets frustrated when he gets interrupted in a game, so anybody who dares to knock on Al's door during this time gets yelled at by Husk.
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