Violet Jessop

today is bad

it’s too warm

i just had to pay a 4.7k tax bill on top of the 33k i already paid last financial year

i had to buy private health insurance because apparently medicare isn’t worth shit - which i already knew because i was about 2k out of pocket from my medical issues this year alone

but the private cover won’t kick in for 12 months so my heart monitor and wisdom tooth extraction will either have to wait 12 months or be paid for out of pocket

and my car is still busted so im trapped in this house where my parents keep telling me how much of a burden i am and how much they wish i wasn’t here

and honestly same

and today i found out i didn’t get the house i put an offer in on

and i promised kai i wouldn’t kill myself but i want to

i don’t want to be here anymore

i can’t sleep

there’s no chance of finding a home

i wasted my youth and have stayed in an abusive house for 10 years to be able to afford a home only for the australian government to rip it away

none of this suffering is worth it

i’ve spent all day flicking between house listings i can’t afford even by putting myself in the maximum amount of debt the bank will allow, lottery statistics, articles on compensation from being hit by council busses, and historical instances of self immolation

i tried going on the lifeline crisis support chat this evening and it’s ai now. it was completely unintelligible and ghosted me for 20 minutes after having me wait for 30 minutes in a queue

and then i did the unthinkable of trying to talk to a therapy ai chat bot but it stonewalled me and told me i had to pay for more prompts

i can’t talk to the people around me about this because either they’re my parents age and completely unsympathetic and say shit that makes me want to slit my throat in front of them, or they’re my age and are trying not to be a doomer with unfounded optimism and platitudes of “the right place will come along”

like yeah so many “right places” have come along but they’ve all sold for 1.5m or more and i can’t afford even close to 1m

i just don’t want to do this anymore

i could leave my money to someone who could use it for something good and not have to suffer the knowledge of how much i lost to accumulate it all for nothing

i just want to sleep and never wake up

I’m so anxious at the moment.

Just ambiently I have a permanent headache and my head feels like it’s packed full of cotton.

And then whenever I think about the specific things that are making me anxious, I get dizzy and nauseous and overly warm, and the palms of my hands and soles of my feet start sweating like nothing else.

I can’t think about my job without wanting to vomit. My manager is telling me I need to step up and learn to do something I have no idea how to do, and every day it feels like I know less and less about the stuff I need to understand. But every day I get bombarded with other tasks that stop me from being able to learn the stuff I need to. But also, I’m so stressed and so lost that I’m glad for an opportunity to push it back even though I know it’s actively fucking me over.

This house is falling apart, and living with Dan and Julie is rapidly worsening my mental health. Dan’s been home since June 4, and hasn’t completed a single task. He’s racked up a 50k tax bill, hasn’t started renos, and filled the room I cleaned out with his hoard again. Julie is as embittered as ever and drinking heavily. And god the constant coughing and snotting and suckling sounds from them both kill whatever skericks of appetite I had. I’m so tired of having to wear my earphones all the time even now at 1am they’re still out there being so loud.

And then to fix that I’m trying to buy a house but jesus fuck it’s horrible. Prices just keep climbing and it seems like my life savings just aren’t enough. The government is actively making things worse for first time buyers and better for property investors. Any adult of my parents age or older is just completely unsympathetic and won’t listen to the numbers I’m handing them showing how much worse it is now and how privileged they were - they just won’t hear it, instead it’s no different to them and I’m just weak.

And I keep over investing emotionally in properties only to get sniped for a horrific amount. So now I’m about to offer too much for a piece of shit just so I can have Something.

And god I’m worried about Kai. I love him so much. But the past few weeks I’ve felt so scared. My mental health has gotten worse and I’m scared he’ll leave me. He should to be honest. But I’m selfish and I don’t want him to. He wants me to see a therapist about my anxiety and depression and how losing opportunities for homes keeps pushing me to the brink - but that’s not going to help. I’ve tried the therapy wringer twice and they were both disastrous, it won’t help. Plus, in this specific scenario, there’s nothing they can say that will help. We are all better off dead, that’s the fact of the situation we’re all in. We’ll never have stable homes because the generations before us designed it like that. A therapist can’t fix that, and that’s a big part of the issues that are worsening my mental health. It’s a useless effort.

Idk everything just feels so big and overwhelming and fucked at the moment, probably because it is

i’m gonna give it until my birthday

well, just before, march 17 i think

that’ll give me 6 months to find a home

if i can’t i’ll go out usefully, self immolate on the steps of parliament or somewhere like that

i’ll have to write out my reasons for doing it

ive spent the last 26 years in an abusive household, the last 9 by choice to allow me to save for a home

in 2017 the median house price in Brisbane was 550k, and i could have easily found a home for far cheaper

for the last 9 years i have stayed in my parents house, accepting physical and psychological abuse for subsidised rent

i started saving in 2008, but only got a good high paying job in 2017

since then ive sacrificed all luxuries, regular meals, any sort of holidays - fuck i worked through covid twice

with all that ive scraped together 250k for a home

but now, with the government changes, fucked assistance schemes, the olympics looming, prices are skyrocketing

median house price is over a million

stamp duty concessions are only applied to properties under 700k, but no properties under 700k exist (not an exaggeration, there are NONE)

the grant is only for new builds, which i can’t afford even with the grant because the grant is only 30k

despite giving up my life for the past decade to save a quarter of a million dollars a bank won’t even approve me for a loan for a purchase price over 940k - not even a million

ive been talking to agents, going to inspections, attending auctions, doing everything im supposed to

i watched a house sell for 1.8m last week that was so badly damaged that the kitchen cabinets were dust on the floor from termites (not to mention the fungal rot, and the shifting foundations, and the moisture in the walls)

nearly every house ive offered on has been sniped by an investor offering hundreds of thousands more

the government has actively made things worse with the first homeowners guarantee 5% deposit bs, it’s just driving prices higher

the prices only go up, the historical data says it’s never gone down

i can’t even find a place in ipswich

this is it

i cant stay here any more, 6 months and that’s it

im not going back to the renting rat race where i help a property investor pay off another house

if i don’t have a home in 6 months ill kill myself and make it so the politicians doing this to our generation can’t look away

monsata:

foone:

oddlysexypancake:

foone:

k1nky-r0b0t-g1rl:

k1nky-r0b0t-g1rl:

estrogenesis-evangelion:

k1nky-r0b0t-g1rl:

on their clit like morse code

“S.O.S. we’re going down”

fuck dont be funnier than me on my own post

No stop that

… - . -. -.. . -.-.

uhh?

In 1947, an British flight from Buenos Aires, Argentina to Santiago, Chile reported their status over Morse code as “ETA SANTIAGO 17.45 HRS STENDEC”. That last word is nonsense, so the tower asked for clarification. They repeated: STENDEC. STENDEC.

They were never heard from again. 11 people vanished, apparently along with their plane, and the only clue is that last word.

And no one knows what the fuck “STENDEC” means.

She STEN on my DEC until I’m never heard from again.

grung3puppy:

hump the boot that kicks you or whatever

ribbed-vault-heart:

lukiepoooo:

ribbed-vault-heart:

can that one angel come back to my dream i want to have sex with it

Joseph Smith if he wasn’t a pussy

yeah okay

if i could stop crying that’d be fuckin sick

bundibird:

HEY, FELLOW HATERS OF INSANELY-BRIGHT CAR HEADLIGHTS, SOMEONE HAS STARTED A PETITION TO REGULATE THEM.

It’s an official petition through the Australian Government’s e-petition page, which means if it gets enough signatures, it will be tabled in government.

You do have to be an Australian citizen to sign it, BUT!!! PLEASE REBLOG THIS EVEN IF YOURE NOT, because these kind of things have a roll-on effect, and if Australia legislates LED headlights, then other countries may follow.

FYI, the petition asks only for your name and email, and once you’ve clicked the sign button, they’ll send you an email to confirm your signature — you need to click the confirmation link in the email to have your signature counted.

newfeeling77:

SUICIDE. i mean have a good night man