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those are his hooves you bitch

@vocabulary-altering-posts

a blog for posts that add to (or subtract from) your vocabulary

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gimmick blog for cataloging posts (videos, images, texts, whatever) that have altered your vocabulary in some way. adding a word or phrase, obliterating the tumblr linguistic biosphere, etc. you can nominate posts by tagging or asking if you want to. (if u dont send a link in an ask, i'm probably not going to go looking for the post, but i might keep an eye out.)

one of those gimmick blogs that adds nothing and basically just hands someone else's joke to you. presenting: work i did not do

#outside nomination - someone else sent this in

#personal nomination - this one came across my dash, or i sought it out, or it was on my hit list and someone sent it to me

more info below the cut

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pastel-prouvaire-deactivated201

PSA: tumblr user littlefuckinmonster is stealing human bones from cemeteries in Louisiana. Please don’t let them get away with this and spread the word/signal boost!

this post is officially a decade old now

CHARACTER ADDED!

BONUS!!! BIOSPHERE PERMANENTLY ALTERED!

  • Bone-Stealing Witch
  • No, like, actual graverobbing. From a historical cemetery in New Orleans. Got arrested and everything.

the phrase "a shiny quarter to anyone who can explain this" popped into my head today but i couldn't remember what it was from. after 30 minutes of frantic googling i'm happy to report that it is from Invader Zim production art where johnen and the other artists were bullying eachother via notes on character design revision sheets

PHRASE ADDED!

  • "A shiny quarter to anyone who can explain this."

you have a fursona. show us. pretty please

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i enjoy that i mentioned my fursona in passing in the tags of a post from last year and someone still manages to sniff it out.

you may see him. he is a fluffy dragon and his name is Mercury.

this portrait is perhaps not as polished as i would like but this ask did motivate me to bust out my drawing tablet and actually put effort into something, so i do appreciate that.

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THE GUY

I just realized I forgot the glasses NOOOOO

YAY THE GUY !!!!!!!!

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

PHRASE ADDED!

  • "They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy"

CHARACTER ADDED!

  • Shamu (No, Not That One) (Against Tumblr Guidelines For Some Reason?) (Got A Hysterectomy)

Not to be that person, but if you remember this, how's that newfound back pain going for ya babe

PHRASE ADDED!

  • LET'S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL
  • LET'S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL
  • DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING

Really glad randall xkcd made that "experts often misjudge the average layperson's knowledge of their field" comic bc my prior touchstone for easily conveying the same idea to people was this other xkcd

and now i no longer have to confuse people by saying shit like "i think we're having a joe biden mayonnaise moment here"

PHRASE ADDED!

  • "I think we're having a Joe Biden mayonnaise moment here." [For use when saying something common to you but baffling to anyone outside of your area of expertise.]

I do often think about how the origin of “he would not fucking say that” was in reference to a post which depicted Cartman SouthPark responding politely when asked for his pronouns

meme phrases are so mobile and versatile and that's really really beautiful but i'm always thinking about the first "she x on my y til i z" being "she ebbin on my neezer til i scrooge" and the first "fork found in kitchen" coming from a tweet about sehun from exo being spotted at a gay bar. like sometimes you just utterly nail it the very first time and no variation of the joke is going to be better.

EXACTLY.

a small collection

Anonymous asked:

VOCAB ALTERING POSTS IS BACK😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

my apologies for forgetting this blog exists. given global politics, you can imagine that things are not at their peak right now. i am, however, endlessly pursued by the autistic urge to line things up in neat little rows. and occasionally those things just so happen to be internet posts.

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...this is not the first time I myself have been the source of a vocabulary alteration, actually.

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