"its a living" <- guy who has a job it hates

"its'a living!' <- dr mario frankenstein

Don’t like people pointing out that it no longer makes sense in modern society to pretend a banana is a telephone

my bioengineering team is working on a rectangular-slab-shaped banana variant to address this very issue

Family dinner

Broke: Imma kick your ass

Woke: You are invited to join me on the

I didn't go all the way to Yorkshire for 72 notes

Official silly sign

yes we are all very impressed with the depth of your research. Your 27 citations in two sentences, however, goes past ‘impressive’ and becomes ‘your historical article looks like the goddamn warrior cats wiki page for firestar’

oh you meant that literally.

Activist sister: I’m concerned about American free speech being threatened.

Little brother: What do you mean? We still have free speech. I can say penis balls right now.

Help I’m hearing it in their voices now

debating if it would be funnier to have a bumper sticker saying "my other ride is a [exact make and model of the car the sticker is on]" or "my other ride is a [equally shitty but different car]"

2008 Honda Civic with the bumper sticker "My other ride is a 2007 Honda Civic"

This post has found its target market

fog haters are weak. you are walking in a cloud and it's making everything look like a moody detective film! the veil is thin and there could be a faerie 20 metres directly ahead of you! appreciate it!!