Geraskier fans who only watched Netflix show usually write their dynamic as chaotic diva girlfriend Jaskier and suffering boyfriend Geralt trying to find right answer to trap questions archetypes.

Come here. Closer. Even closer. Now listen, I'm about to blow your mind

In the books, their dynamic, it's the opposite. If that ship was written in books, it's Geralt who would ask stuff like "would you love me if I was a worm" and get mad at Jaskier over conversations that didn't happen but Geralt imagined them anyway and got upset. Jaskier would bribe him with sweets before apologizing even though he has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

No, that witcher isn't brooding in the corner while the bard is performing. That witcher is choosing one of thousand ways to accuse the bard of trying to attract other witchers. Why? Because new lute strings. Who are you trying to attract with that shine? So what if there aren't any other witchers for miles? How do you know that anyway, did you specifically check if they are here? I'm not enough for you?

I find it abso-fucking-lutely hilarious. Because from outsider perspective they still would seem exactly as netflix-based version of this ship is written

Every single fucking day I open the Hal Jordan tag to see the fanon Batfam side of tumblr demean and mischaracterise him so thoroughly just to make a straw man out of him to bully because apparently the man who has intergalactic authority over Bruce shits his balls around the man. Y’know, the man without fear, as he’s famously known as. Everyday I pray they open a comic.

Prompt 7 - Soul (Part 2)

Link to part 1

(This is just one of many directions I could have taken this, so if you interpreted the original snippet differently, I would love to hear it!)

Hero stared at Villain, looking for any sign of deception or humour, only to be met with genuine confusion. “You have to have one. It’s impossible for you to not have one.” Villain was rambling now.

Hero was confused themself, but mostly glad that the uncomfortable sensation of Villain trying to find their soul was gone. “I don’t understand. Why couldn’t I find your soul?” Villain turned to them, as if they knew.

A few thoughts crossed Hero’s mind, but they weren’t about to suggest anything to Villain. They didn’t want Villain trying to find it again. They didn’t want to have all of their secrets exposed. Some things stayed hidden for a reason. “Has this ever happened before?” they asked hesitantly.

Villain threw their hands up in frustration. “No! I mean, I don’t do this a lot, but every time I have, it’s been obvious! Stay here, I’m going to figure this out.” It’s not like Hero had much of a choice. They were still tied to a chair, after all.

Hero wasn’t sure how much time passed in between Villain’s visits, but they were back now, holding a rather large book. “Why wouldn’t someone have a soul? Let’s see…” they mumbled to themself, flipping through it. “Lack of emotion or consciousness… no, it can’t be that… disconnect from their sense of self…” They slammed the book closed, leaning far too close to Hero, who suddenly felt like they couldn't breathe. 

“You still have a soul, you just subconsciously buried it. Now that I know where to look, let’s try that again.” Hero held back a flinch as the vulnerable feeling came back. It stopped just as suddenly, Villain frowning as they stepped away. “Your soul is too warped to get a proper reading on. It’s just a mess of contradictions and obscurities, like even it doesn’t know what’s supposed to be there.”

Villain’s frown shifted into a smile. “You’re certainly an interesting one, Hero. Maybe I can’t see your true self with my usual method, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.”

free my girl. she did all that but so did a male character and nobody cared

go fund me

alright. I hate to be doing this. And I know I haven’t posted in absoloute years. My dog of 13 is currently ill and is needing injections monthly, so I put my money towards that to help my mam. With that, my laptop has broke and I really really need it for school. It’s my last year and I have huge exams that determine my future and what colleges I may get into.

I feel so awful for asking such a big favor but even liking and reposting can be such a help. From cents to euros, any donation would mean the world to me. There is so much going on, for every home, stay safe 💜💜💜💜

Donate here 💜

I usually never post or share any of the sort, but school is school. And your go fund goal is so pitifully low and getting into college/uni is so key at your age for the rest of your life I really want to help now.

Good luck x

You’re so sweet thank you so much omg 😭😭💜💜

"Are you jealous? Is that it?" the hero whispered. They were fully aware of the villain's personality. They were aware of the insecurities, the fears.

"I'd rather not talk about it," the villain answered. Instinctively, the hero reached for the villain's palm and let their fingertips dance over their skin. It was a soft attempt. The villain did not mind.

"You can't keep me here forever." With a deep sigh, the villain pulled away slowly, avoiding the hero's gaze and turned their eyes towards the window.

The hero knew that at times the villain could be quite delicate. Easy to break. And the hero also knew their role in this play, knew that if anyone could destroy them, if anyone had the power to defeat the villain, it was them. It was the hero.

The hero could have (if they wanted, that is) broken the villain in a matter of seconds.

To possess that kind of power was dangerous and the hero took no pride in it. They didn't want it. They didn't want to hurt anyone.

"I know," the villain said. "I'm sorry."

"I mean, honestly, I wish you could, but I have work and they will file a missing person's report and everything will be messy..."

"I know," the villain repeated with the same heartbreaking tone. "Sorry, I didn't really think about that."

They turned to look at the hero, ready to say something but they closed their mouth again. The hero bit the inside of their cheek. In the last few weeks, something had happened to them. They seemed to long for the hero's company, protected them more often, saw them more often.

For the most part, the villain was a silent threat, a calm force that stroke once and didn't miss. Sometimes, it felt like all the hero had to do was call out their name and they would appear.

That gave them a sense of security. Trust was important and they had worked long and hard to gain the villain's trust.

"What did you think about?"

"You." The villain tilted their head, gaze burning into the floor. "Mostly just you."

"Come here," the hero said and the villain didn't hesitate. They sat down next to them on the couch, looking effortlessly flawless but still tired. The hero took their hand again, choosing their next words carefully. Clearly, the villain wanted some kind of connection. They wanted something. Maybe they couldn't express it, maybe they didn't know where to start.

But the hero couldn't take it anymore. They were tip-toeing around each other and before it escalated and someone got hurt, they wanted to make a few things very clear.

With their fingers on the villain's jawline, they turned their enemy's face to look at them.

"Look, I..." The hero's eyes accidentally dropped to the villain's mouth and suddenly, the hero understood how difficult it could be to force those words out of their mouth. They could understand why the villain preferred to kidnap them instead of confronting their feelings like this. "I...you..."

"Yeah?" The villain put their hand on the hero's thigh.

"Is it jealousy?"

"A little, I think."

"What else?" The villain looked away, but the hero turned the villain's head with their fingers again.

"You know I like you more than I should," the villain said. They cupped the hero's cheek with their hand and let their thumb go over their bottom lip. "You know we should not..."

But the hero didn't care about that.

The villain seemed to be tortured by the fact that they had fallen in love. They were barely themselves.

And the hero couldn't live with themselves, knowing that they were responsible for someone's misery, especially when that someone was the villain who had proven countless of times what kind of person they were.

The hero knew about the troubled childhood and the horrible coping mechanisms, they knew about the anger issues and the many mistakes, knew about the regret and the guilt.

So, they leaned forward and kissed them. They tried to forget about the we shouldn't and closed their eyes, just as desperate for company as the villain. They were hesitant at first, clumsy even.

When was the last time someone had wanted them romantically? The hero knew about the public, about the media. They knew that a lot of people wanted them in a very crude way and were merely interested in having power over the hero.

But the villain was gentle. They didn't push, they didn't force. They protected, they encouraged, even if it was counterproductive for their own goals. They compromised where they shouldn't have and backed down when they crossed lines.

If this was some kind of manipulation, the hero was gladly walking into this trap. They were willing to get hurt at the expense of having someone value and appreciate them, having someone who protected them instead of the hero being the one who had to protect.

The villain's lips were warm against theirs and the hero regretted not having done this sooner. They had the feeling that the villain wasn’t sure what they were doing either.

However, they pulled away quickly, surprised that they were so daring. When they looked at the villain, they could see their enemy blush.

"Oh..." was all the villain managed and the hero themselves wasn't sure how to respond.

“Sorry, I…I wasn’t thinking.”

“That’s fine, that’s totally fine,” the villain said. They didn’t look at the hero. Their ears were red.

“Please don’t be sad.”

“I’m not.”

“No, I mean…” The hero took their hands again. “Please don’t worry. I like you, too. I like you a lot. I know it’s hard to say, but I want to spend more time with you.”

The villain stared at them as if they’d said something shocking.

“But kidnapping isn’t really…the ideal date, you know?”

“Oh, I—”

“So, let’s go out next week, sounds good?”

The villain blinked a few times, still staring at the hero.

“Yes, yes I’d like that.”

Hero lightly brushed their fingers against the tight curls and looked at their reflection.

"Oh, didn't you know? Villain likes looser and longer hair so..."

They were in shambles, and they hated to admit it. They didn't like their enemy, no, only offended that anyone could assume that at all. Especially their friend; why did they say that? Nothing was wrong with their curls, at least nothing they could think of. Who cares if Villain likes lighter skin and eyes?

That had nothing to do with them, and who told their friend what Villain preferred? They could be lying. Villain always lied.

Not to them, of course, or at least Hero hoped so. Villain was very careful with their words when they whispered sweet poems in their ear when they got too close for comfort in their hand-to-hand combats. Villain's eyes didn't lie when they stared longingly back at Hero; their body gave away their feelings. Hero knew it all too well and was confident that Villain couldn't care less about their dumb curls or their skin.

It didn't matter. It shouldn't matter. It's a stupid claim, but it still hurts.

Hero's breathing quickened as they frowned deeply at themselves through the mirror with fingers caught up in the strands of hair and oh...

Hero thought, 'What a strange appearance. None of my peers look the way I do.' They huffed and walked slowly out of the bathroom, 'That should be a good thing. I stand out.'

It didn't feel good, however. Their head replayed the scene from earlier again.

Hero stood in front of their friend, and their friend smiled at them when they said it, trying to let them know kindly of the situation. They cared and didn't want Hero's heart to be broken when it would be revealed that Villain was just bullying them afterall.

"They have bad intentions; we all know Villain doesn't like curly hair, so it doesn't make sense... you're suit... yeah, that's probably why they said all that. If you wore something else, it would've been different."

Hero's suit now lay on their bed; they've worn it for years and never thought it played a part in their world. Was it too revealing? Inappropriate? Hero liked it; it was created to accommodate Hero's powers. They didn't think of it as anything else, but assuming it was attracting the wrong kind of attention, Hero was willing to wear something new.

They couldn't stop thinking all night after earlier. The next time they saw Villain, they should start ignoring them. Whatever Villain was up to was too cruel. If they hated someone that looked like them, then they should stop interacting completely.

At least that's what they told themselves to do, but still, Hero found themselves taking up another job that would require them to see Villain again.

They sat waiting on the ledge of their usual meeting spot on the roof of a building far from home. Any second now, they'd hear Villain's voice call their name with a ring in it that made their heart skip.

"There you are."

Hero sat up straighter and turned around. "Hi." Hero shyly spoke. It was less confident than they anticipated. Their hands immediately went to touch their hair again; the messy thing always got in the way, and they had taken the time to flat-iron it that morning before showing up. They couldn't remember the last time they straightened their hair; it's been a while, and they accidentally burned their ear with the hot rod in their haste to get it done as quickly as possible as if the curls were a disease.

"You look different," Villain noted, widely smiling as they set their gaze on them.

They swallowed their nervousness and stood up. "Uhm.. yeah, thought I could use a change."

"Looks good."

Hero wanted to ask if it was true. Still, something forced their tongue down even when silence fell into their conversation, where they'd usually idly chat for a good few more minutes before getting into their usual spar.

Villain's hand reached for their belt and pulled out the hilt of their sword. "May I have this dance?" They stepped closer and aimed at them, waiting for a response.

"Try to keep up this time." Hero's hand glowed a shallow colour, just enough to get them riled up.

They fought bravely as usual, each blow heavier than the last, quicker and matching Villain's attacks.

Their smile persisted throughout the entire duration. Hero dodged Villain's sword and slashed at the air with a sharp flick of their wrist. A thin line of energy burst from their hands, and the Villain deflected it with their sword.

Hero took another step back, catching the blade with their hand and twisting it away from their body, unaware that they'd run out of places to move as they felt their back pressed against a wall.

"So quick to lose," Villain smirked as they panted hard from their chest and out. Hero could feel their body buzzing with excitement; although some doubts still lingered, it was all irrelevant at this moment. "Or did you want me to corner you like this?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself." Hero breathed heavily, all too happy for their liking. They could feel the heat on their face, hotter than it was supposed to be after hardly fighting.

When Villain stepped closer, Hero felt their smile falter a bit. An unreasonable fear consumed their head as they repressed the feeling of touching their hair again. "Ever wonder," Villain began, "What it would be like outside the mask?" Their head tilted slightly with that same crooked smile they'd grown so used to.

"No..." Hero whispered, "There's nothing interesting."

Villain laughed lightly, "Not even yourself?" They leaned down closer, their fingers tapping at the hilt of their sword while Hero's sweating palms rubbed the rough brick behind them, memorizing every crevice.

"Not even myself." Their eyes flickered downward, then back up again, "And you?"

"I have lots to offer." They casually answered.

Hero rolled their eyes, "Sure you do."

They heard them huff and mock a shocked expression. "You're questioning me?" Villain placed a hand on their chest. "I have what you could only dream of-- what you couldn't comprehend."

"Like what?" Hero pressed.

The criminal shrugged and crossed their arms, "Nice try, but I'm selective about who I choose to tell."

'Selective.' Hero reiterated in their head and licked their lips; the feeling that tormented them the other night returned. Itching up their throat and successfully stopping Hero from pursuing the conversation any further.

"You're awfully quiet," Villain remarked and moved back from them slowly, their eyes analyzing the way Hero stood almost slumped up against the wall. "Usually, you're so much more hot-headed."

"You like hot-headed?" Hero quickly snapped. It came out more disgruntled than they wanted. Hero didn't know what overcame them; what was supposed to be a good sensation had burned into a simmering hatred for this strange relationship they had. Hero took a deep breath, their brows furrowed as they stared at their shoes and tried to stop themselves before it was too late.

"Relax." Villain's voice cut through their head. "I just wanted you to know that you're acting out of character."

Hero didn't even bother this time and felt their hands grasping at the air before they could understand. Each fist went flying at Villain, aiming to hit as hard as possible.

Villain played defence, avoiding each one of their punches with swift movements and slight turns. "What's the matter, Hero? I think you've gotten--"

"Shut up!" Their first, burning a bright array of white and yellow, shoved into the metal frame of a nearby door; the ground cracked beneath them upon impact, and Villain stumbled as they went behind Hero with that same obnoxious laughter.

Villain's brows raised, impressed as they whistled at the scene, "Careful, that could break your hand."

"I said stop talking to me!" Hero went to hit them again, throwing enough of their energy to tear Villain's sword away from their hands when they went to deflect again.

Hero never got Villain's weapon away from them before. It surprised them how much they could do, and the surprise made them nearly trip if Villain hadn't caught them just in time. Their powers faded slowly as Hero's emotions dropped back down again. Something about being held so closely has thrown them out of focus.

"I said be careful didn't I?" They softly uttered. Hero's heartbeat fell back into its strange rhythm as usual, a different kind of beat that played a romantic song in their head and repeated itself for weeks. It was then that they grew keenly aware where Villain's hand were placed, so neatly on each side of their waist and so gentle with them. Hero's eyes blinked with confusion until they buried their head into Villain's chest.

"Sorry." They muffled the apology, still holding tears back.

"It's okay." Villain's hands grasped at their suit, slightly tugging at its edges.

They shook their head, "No, it's not." Their lips trembled, and a few drops of tears escaped them as their mind muddled in the confusion of being torn between truth and agonizing desperation. They couldn't stop themselves from saying what they hoped they could hide, "Do you like curly?" Hero heard themselves whisper, wishing they had more control over what they said when Villain didn't respond right away.

Villain's fingers paused. "What? Your hair?"

Hero could only nod, too afraid that the next time they spoke, they would start sobbing uncontrollably.

"I like curly." They murmured. "I like curly... and I like dark." Villain moved one hand to their back, rotating up and down. "Is that what's bothering you?"

Hero sniffled, feeling silly more than ever. "It isn't just teasing then." They said, more to themselves than to their enemy. They smiled under them, their knuckles still stung from the last hit, but that was behind Hero now.

They briefly stood in silence until Villain questioned them again. "Who told you I didn't like it?"

Hero cleared their throat. "A friend."

"Friend?" They stretched the word, sounding more startled as Villain worked through a list of names they'd seen Hero with before. "Which one?"

"The one with blond hair." They answered slowly.

"Hero." They called.

They lifted their head, eyes still foggy. "Yeah?"

"Do me a favour," Villain's thumb came to wipe their tear, "and don't listen to them."

~~~

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Prompt (414)

The hero stared over the edge of the cliff. The rough, rocky edge descended into thick fog.

The hero took a deep breath. Somewhere, beyond that sinister, whispy white, was the villain. And the hero was going to find them.

With a running start, the hero launched themselves off the cliff edge and into oblivion.

“Any last requests?”

The villain loomed over the injured heroine like a giant, loading the gun in his hand before he aimed it directly at Hero’s chest.

A wicked grin spread across Villain’s lips as he glared down at Hero, who merely sighed.

“Hang on a sec, I have to text my Minecraft boyfriend and tell him goodbye.” Hero grabbed her phone out from her pocket.

As soon as Hero delivered her message, Villain’s coat buzzed.

#so did they miss the part where gatsby ends up floating dead in a pool and all the miserable deaths in wuthering heights#or did they miss that because there weren’t any chapters titled In Which The Sinners Are Punished For Their Errors#like. even if you require explicit moral instruction from literature it’s pretty hard to miss the comeuppance in those.

“What I assume my teachers were trying to teach me”

Huck Finn is about a white Southern boy who was raised to believe that freeing slaves is a sin that would send you directly to hell who forges a familial bond with a runaway slave and chooses to free him and thereby in his mind lose his salvation because he refuses to believe that his best friend and surrogate father is less of a man just because he’s black. Yes it features what we now consider racial slurs but this is a book written only 20 years after people were literally fighting to be allowed to keep other human beings as property, we cannot expect people from the 1880s to exactly conform with the social mores of 2020, and more to the point if we ourselves had been raised during that time period there’s very little doubt that we would also hold most if not all of the prevalent views of the time because actual history isn’t like period novels written now where the heroes are perfect 21st century social justice crusaders and the villains are all as racist and sexist as humanly possible. Change happens slowly and ignoring the radical statement that we’re all human beings that Twain wrote at a time when segregation and racial tensions were still hugely prevalent just because he wrote using the language of his time period is short-sighted and foolhardy to the highest degree.

I’m really kind of alarmed at the rise in the past few years of the “and we do condemn! wholeheartedly!” discourse around historical figures. it seems like people have somehow boomeranged between “morals were different in the past, therefore nobody in the past can ever be held accountable for ANY wrongs” to “morals are universal and timeless, and anything done wrong by today’s standards in the past is ABSOLUTELY unforgiveable” so completely, because social media 2.0 is profoundly allergic to nuance

please try this on for size:

there have always been, in past times as today, a range of people in every society, some of whom were even then fighting for a more just and compassionate accord with their fellow man and some of whom let their greeds and hatreds rule them to the worst allowable excesses. the goal of classics and history education is to teach you enough context to discern between the two, not only in the past but in the present

My mind just boggles at the “There’s Racism In That Book” argument.  Yes, there is racism in that book, because that book is ABOUT RACISM.  The message is that it is BAD. 

My high school English teacher, who was a viciously brilliant woman, used to say that when people banned Huck Finn they said it was about the language, but it was really the message they were trying to ban, the subversive deconstruction of (religious) authority and white supremacy.

Huckleberry Finn can actually be seen as a powerful case study in trying to do social justice when you have absolutely no tools for it, right down to vocabulary.  And in that respect, it’s a heroic tale, because Huck—with absolutely no good examples besides Jim, who he has been taught to see as subhuman, with no guidance, with everyone telling him that doing the right thing will literally damn him, with a vocabulary that’s full of hate speech—he turns around and says, “I’m not going to do it.  I’m not going to participate in this system.  If that means I go to Hell, so be it.  Going to Hell now.”

(I used to read a blogger who insisted that “All right, I’ll go to Hell,” from Huckleberry Finn is the most pure and perfect prayer in the canon of American literature.  Meaning, as I understand it, that the decision to do the right thing in the face of eternal damnation is the most holy decision one can make, and if God Himself is not proud of the poor mixed-up kid, then God Himself is not worth much more than a “Get thee behind me,” and the rest of us should be lining up to go to Hell too.  Worth noting that this person identified as an evangelical Christian, not because he was in line with what current American evangelicals believe, but because “they can change their name, I’m not changing mine.”  Interesting guy.  Sorry for the long parenthetical.)

Anyway, the point of Huck Finn, as far as I can tell, is that you can still choose to do good in utter darkness, with no guidance and no help and none of the right words.

And when you put it like that, it’s no wonder that a lot of people on Tumblr—people who prioritize words over every other form of social justice—find it threatening and hard to comprehend.

Sidekick's eyes were drawn to the way Hero's room was left a mess. Their bed in particular, centered fashionably.

"You got a new bed?" Sidekick looked at the room across the hall.

Hero shuffled through the papers in front of them on the kitchen table. "Oh, yeah… I forgot to tell you…" Hero trailed off and awkwardly cleared his throat, "Anyway--"

"It's weird cause didn't you just get the last bed three days ago?"

Hero fixed their hair, "I uhh… didn't like it." They mumbled and pushed the conversation back again. "So, about the institution, do we know anything about it?"

"Hm?" Sidekick turned in their seat and looked at them, "Oh, right, right. What we are looking at is actually a branch that operates separately from the institution itself, although it does still recieve benefits."

Hero's mind wandered off as Sidekick kicked back into gear, finding themselves lost in their mind.

The bed was supposed to last longer than that, but when Villain… their face began to burn at the thought. They always told Villain to be careful not to make noise. Villain had an entirely different thought process in regards to being discreet about their nightly visits; it was driving them insane, yet at the same time, their heart couldn't settle down at all. They hoped the next time they'd indulge in their activities, Villain would take this as an example.

Sidekick seemed to have believed their lie and let it go this time, but a second time would definitely stir up some suspicions.

"Right around this time is shift change, probably our only chance I suppose." Sidekick turned to them, "Wow, you look really feverish right now. Are you sure you're up for this?" They tilted their head.

Hero waved at their face, trying to get rid of the blush powdered across their cheeks, "Yeah! yeah, I'm alright, just a little hot in here, that's all. So about the shift change, we should do that!"

"Intercept them during shift change?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay," Sidekick cleaned up the papers scattered all over and piled them together. "I'm going to take these with me. We will get our mission done tomorrow."

Hero shook their hand as they made for the door and watched Sidekick take their leave.

It was a close one, they almost had asked too many questions for them to answer.

Hero sauntered back into their room after getting ready for bed; they lightly pressed down on the mattress, almost too afraid that the bedframe might collapse and give way underneath them again.

They tentatively sat on the edge, smoothing the wrinkles of the brand-new sheets. Villain insisted that their bed was too small anyway, but it wasn't like Hero bought it with the intention of inviting someone into it, too. So it was only a little overwhelming to see something so nice in their room.

A soft knock interrupted their thoughts; Hero turned around and caught sight of a shadow at their window. It was Villain, as expected; they didn't think they could stay away for too long.

Hero pulled up the window and let them walk inside, "How's my favourite person doing?"

"Villain!" Hero harshly whispered and shut the window's curtains, "You know you can't keep coming back here, what if someone sees us."

"All the better," They straightened their windbreaker, "I like having an audience."

"That's not what I meant. Sidekick's already suspicious at why I have another bed, and I don't think I'm able to come up with anymore excuses if you break it again."

"Hey, it was your fault, too." Villain chuckled and grasped at their hips, "Harder, harder!~" They mocked, "I was just doing as you asked, my love." They pecked at their forehead.

Hero blushed and covered their face, "Oh my God."

Villain laughed at their embarrassment and made their way to the bed, "At least it's nice," Their hands beckoned them over. Hero sat beside them as Villain tested its durability, "See, we don't need to be so cautious anymore." Their hands came up to trail against Hero's jawline and up into their hair.

"Thanks for the bed." They leaned in and kissed Villain. "I really appreciate it."

Villain's arm slithered around their waist, pulling them closer for another kiss. They smiled into it as they held onto their lips for a little longer until Hero pulled away, "Are you trying to stop me from waking up tomorrow morning?"

"Just a little more." They whispered closely into their mouth, just barely teasing around the curves of their lips with their tongue.

"You can't stay here," They softly spoke, yet their lips stayed glued onto each other.

Villain hummed with agreement, partially lost in the intimacy. A few seconds went by before they pulled apart again. "Alright. I'm leaving now." Villain sighed as they stood up and glanced back at Hero, who followed them to the window. "Enjoy your new bed while it lasts." They called as they exited the building.

Hero nodded, "I will, goodnight, Villain."

"Goodnight, dear."

~~~

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Forced Vacation- Part 1

Hero collapsed on the couch, not even bothering to change out of their suit. They were just drifting off when they heard the latch to their window click, then the window opening. Hero groaned. They were so tired, why did they have to deal with a break-in?

They willed themselves to move; they opened their eyes and saw a shadow looming over them. Before they could react, something sharp pierced their thigh. Hero cried out, glaring up at Villain.

“What was that for!?”

“Shh, go back to sleep,” Villain whispered.

“I most certainly will not!” Hero shouted, “I- I… I...mm…”

Hero blinked in an effort to clear their blurry vision. Villain got off of them and started looking around Hero's apartment. Hero rolled off the couch and crashed to the floor with a thud.

“Villain!” Hero slurred, “get back here!”

“Which way to your bedroom?” Villain asked, ignoring them.

“I'm not telling you!”

“Fair enough, I'll find it myself, it's not like you live in a mansion… I should really fix that.”

Villain hummed to themselves while Hero pathetically crawled after them. Villain started going through Hero's dresser, pulling out various garments like- swimwear!?

“Did you just come here to steal my wardrobe?” Hero mumbled.

“Oh please,” Villain scoffed, “who would want these? I have half a mind to call the fashion police. Hm, we'll just pick you up some things along the way.”

Hero was finding it increasingly difficult to focus. Villain stalked over to them, crouching down to inspect them.

“You're not out yet?” Villain asked, tilting their head.

“No,” Hero bit out, “I'm…not…”

Hero's eyes fluttered shut as they collapsed on their side. They distantly felt Villain scoop them up in a bridal carry, then there was nothing.

…

Hero stirred to a pressure in their ears. Their eyelids slowly lifted and they saw Villain sitting opposite them, reading a book.

“Morning,” Villain drawled, turning a page, “or afternoon. I don't keep track of the time zones up here.”

Up here? Hero ‘s head swiveled to the side. They looked out a small, round window and saw fluffy white clouds and a blue sky. Their eyes went wide. They turned back to Villain, and sprang to their feet. Well, they tried to, but something kept them in place.

“That's for your own safety,” Villain said, gesturing vaguely to the various straps pulled taut across Hero's body, “and my peace of mind.”

“Safety!? A seatbelt is safety, Villain! This is- what even is all this!? Why am I on a plane, why am I strapped down, why did you kidnap me!?”

Villain snapped their fingers, and a henchman brought over a glass of water with a straw. They held it to Hero's lips. Hero then realized how dry their mouth was, and reluctantly drank against their better judgment.

“That's drugged,” Villain said nonchalantly.

Hero froze, having already swallowed most of the water. Villain finally looked up from their book and laughed.

“Oh, your face~,” Villain cackled, “too cute! It's just spring water, Hero, with a little bit of lemon.”

Hero visibly relaxed.

“As for your other questions,” Villain continued, “I know you, Hero, and I know when you're overdoing it. As such, I've decided its in your best interest as my nemesis to arrange a vacation for you; well, for both of us, but mostly you. We're going to a tropical island far away from any cities , criminals, or corrupt justice systems.”

“Villain!” Hero protested.

“Hero!” Villain replied with a smirk.

“I can't go on vacation! I have way too much to do! I-” Hero struggled some more in the restraints “-Let me out!”

“Those are there to make sure you don't try anything reckless,” Villain stated, “so calm down, and enjoy the flight.”

A henchman pushed a button, and a TV lowered down from the ceiling. They put a remote control in Hero's hand, then nodded to Villain.

“You will let me know if you get motion sickness, won't you?” Villain asked, picking their book up again.

“UGH!”

...

When they landed, Villain set their book down and reached in their belt pocket for something. They produced another syringe.

“Oh come on!” Hero whined.

“It's not that bad,” Villain argued, “just a small pinch, look-"

Villain injected the contents into Hero's leg. Hero stifled a yelp. Two henchmen came and unstrapped Hero from their seat. Hero immediately stood, only to lurch forward. Villain caught them easily.

“Falling for me? You flatter me,” Villain teased.

“Get off,” Hero said, “I appreciate the concern, but you can't just kidnap people whenever you feel like it!”

“Of course I can, I'm doing it right now, aren't I?”

Villain lifted Hero up into their arms, walking them off the plane. Hero fought to stay awake. Villain deposited them in a luxury car, climbing in next to them. Hero dozed off a moment later.

i think of this ProZD video constantly its always so fucking funny

Squirrel Girl: Infinity Comic #1 (2022)

I love when Doreen stops crime by just….politely suggesting ways to use superpowers and tech. She really should have partnered with Patsy Walker’s superpower temp agency as a career counselor!

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