(FLASH WARNING) turn audio on btw! but it might be loud

anyways it’s the dispatch trend yahoo

Scream this is iconic….

i really love how you can tell how much happier she is

— Vincent Van Gogh

- Vincent van Gogh

The Murder Victims Killer would come to be known for their calling card; a dead body left at the scene of each murder.

I had a dream that Joe Biden kept trying to sneak back into the white house to become the president again and he had a variety of silly disguises like in one he was wearing a big moustache and top hat and introduced himself as Job Iden and tried to sell trump snake oil and trump was super interested until his moustache fell off and then JD vance was like "wait a minute.. that's joe biden!!" amd he was like "welp, gotta run, see ya later jack!" and then all the evil white house staff were shaking their heads cus joe biden almost sneaked into the white house and the newest aid was there and she was like "That was a close call, Mr President" and his new aide was actually kamala harris wearing a big cartoon wig and they were all too distracted by joe biden to notice

sorry for [remembering a tumblr post about expressing gratitude instead of apologising to make the interaction more positive for the other person] i mean thank you for having a boyfriend who was so easy to run over withmy car and reverse over three times maybe four

btw if youre young and scared of doing adult things without your parents ive learned that like 90% of the time you can just tell the doctors office or the dmv "haha sorry ive never done this without help before... can you show me how to do this?" the employee will not care. if that means anything to you

Notice there hasnt been a wednesday this year

Suspicious.

Six days and still no Wednesday. I think it's safe to conclude that there will be no more Wednesdays ever

currently running the Sweetie Pie Challenge where i dont hit anyone with a tire iron as hard as i can for seven days

failed

oh so you’re fucking perfect

WELCOEM TO MY FUCK HOUSE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

this post is still good even without the glitch that’s how good this post is

for those who forgot about the hellhole that was the 2015 tumblr glitch:

it’s been 10 years since WELCOEM TO MY FUCK HOUSE

now, pecker means penis. and wood means boner. so of course you would make assumptions about the term woodpecker. but no. the bird

I LOVE hearing that other languages have so many beautifully unique ways to construct dick jokes

the best character designs are the ones that can be drawn as a weird little freaky creature or a pin up model and neither feel OOC

“This is a tapestry I made myself! I just finished it!” 

“…. this is…. big.”

“Eighty feet long, ten high, in forty panels! It was originally going to be sixty feet, but then the Thomas Malory Arthuriana got big and I had to put more stuff in.” 

“… Malory published in the fifteenth century.” 

“Do you have any idea how long it takes one person to embroider eight thousand square feet of tapestry?” 

“You’ve had a lot of free time in the last eight hundred years, haven’t you?” 

“Not once I took up embroidery as a hobby, no!” 

“Want to see my stalagmite cultivation work?”

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

Him face

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)

Reblog him face for good luck in 2022

Reblog him face for good luck in 2023

Reblog him face for good luck in 2024

Reblog him face for good luck in 2025

here’s the og video. Go see him face for real this time