>see bird creeping up and down a tree trunk
>look it up
>common treecreepercan’t make this shit up
(via charredhunter)
me reading straight up pornography: hmm… this one just doesn’t have enough accurate character psychoanalysis to get me off
(via charredhunter)
now, it’s true that sometimes the packaging will say that a girl comes pre-wiggled, but for best results it’s recommended to wiggle all your girls yourself regardless
it’s very important to wiggle the girl by hand
girls hand-wiggled by expert artisanal girlwigglers
(via vaporize-employers)
you ever crave something you can’t have? ssssshut up about your ex i mean i want grilled cheese but im scared of the stove
(via pixiecaps)
when someone is giving me verbal instructions and they end it by saying “hard to miss”. brother in christ you have no idea how easy it is for me actually
(via bowserisgay)
