Your now-deceased mother placed a “blessing” on you when you were a young boy - at thirteen, you would become irresistibly attractive to the ladies. The issue? You’re really, really gay.
repeating this to myself forever and ever
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You are a summoner who can materialize a horde of monsters to fight your battles. After many long campaigns, you hang up your staff and retire in small farm town. One day you hear a knock on your door. “Grandpa!”, a half-monster child runs up and hugs you. You’ve never had kids of your own.
’Excuse me, may I sit?’ Said a man with the head of a weasel, carrying a tray containing coffee and a sandwich.
tumblr users love reading. you literally stopped for this post just because it has words in it
this is one of my favorite bits about tumblr
the users seem to actually prefer text posts to anything else, and treat it as a chore to play a video especially with sound
Your fellow knights question why you’d swear fealty to a witch instead of the typical lord or king. Lands and gold are nice but anyone can get those and are overrated. But runes of power on your armor and potions of strength that let you rip trees out of the ground with ease are more useful.
As a werewolf, you must lock yourself away for the full moon. As a zoologist, you know it is easier to make a cage appealing than it is to make it unbreakable, and so set to making “werewolf enrichment”
You’re a Demon Hunter. A rather good one. Unfortunately, a demon has possessed your husband’s body. You know it’s your duty to kill the demon and free him. But he’s way sweeter and kinder than your annoying pos of a husband. He loves cooking and he actually likes your hobbies. Don’t fall in love!
“I wish I was always right.” “OK you have two wishes left.” “No, I have three.” There is a moment of acknowledgment between you and the genie. “Alright. I can play that game.” thinks the genie before internally activating monkeys paw mode. “What’s your next wish?”
Meet the Full Human Party. The Wizard was a magic spell that became self-aware. The Saint was an eldritch horror. The Paladin was the idle thoughts of a bored god. The Ranger was a shapeshifter. Somehow, only the Barbarian who was raised by wolves was an actual, full human.