So.
How am I suppose to fall in love with someone when they don't amount up to you? When they're not as sweet as you... When they're not as caring or miraculous. Maybe I've become picky?


It's been 9 months, and my stupid ass still loves him. I guess we'll see where I am in another 5 months. Plagued by the thought of you, feel like I'm going mad. I just wanna rip my hair out and scream. At least I've gotten to the point where when I'm with another person doing sexual or talking about sexual things doesn't make me feel guilty anymore. But every god damn day, "I wonder what he's doing..." "I hope he's okay." "I miss everyone." I feel like I'm trapped in the loneliness, and there's people reaching out to me. But I find all their flaws, and watch their every move. If they're lacking morals or respect it's an instant turn off. It's like a FUCK ATHA ABORT YOU AINT NEED THIS NIGGA.

I hate myself for not being a tough cunt.

This post actually has nothing to do wit fat cocks, I just wanted an enticing subject and hopefully this isn't going against any TOS. So.. schools coming to an end and surprisingly it looks like i'll be finishing with a 3.5, not having a social life or giving a shit for others has really worked out for me. For te most part, but recently i've come to the realization when it comes to attempting to do anything with someone of the opposite gneder or ''love interest''... I thought maybe I was afraid of commitment or being in a relationship again or getting into one too soon, but i've realized... I'm not afraid of commitment, i'm afraid of wasting my time. Because wasting my time leads to hurt, and angst.

I guess a positive too look at is, my prototypes for Stormflower (Lie Ren's guns from RWBY) are coming together nicely, iI just need someone to measure me for his cosplay and Yang's cosplay because im getting them custom tailored. (Big boobed problem amirite?), I need to develop ir come up with a way to make Yang's gauntlets. I talked to a friend a couple months ago about how to go about that and he said I should look into fatigue foam, and was pondering if you guys had any suggestions? Ember Cilica is gonna be a bitch to make. But i'm looking forward to it. Also gotta figure out how to make my chest less... bulgy to hide my chest with Lie Ren's costume.

So... lately i've been real down and i'm not exactly the most sociable person. My bestfriend has a new mate, and since she's found that mate i've been kinda solo. Especially at school, I feel so much angst and anger. Not because she has a new mate, but because i've realize I don't have many friends and don't really try at all to gain or reach out to people. I sit there depressed, and glare most males and make sarcastic comments in my head when it comes to most females at my school. Maybe i'm just surrounded by idiots, or i'm just not a likable person. I've had quite a few offers for dates and such but honestly... I really don't care or want to venture towards a new relationship. I'm honestly happy with myself for the most part. I'm over my last mate, which is great because if I spent anymore time sobbing over that I probably would of imploded. I loved him, he was a good guy. But life at the time was hectic, now life isn't hectic and i'm lonely and lack friendship. And shut out those that make any suggestion for intimacy, and I don't mean the intimacy of a friend but the intimacy of someone just trying to stick their dick in my ass for a one night stand. I'm not that kind of Foxcoon and other's don't seem to get that. Its just aggravating, I suppose i'm doing it to myself really. But Jesus fucking Christ...

I wish companionship and friendship weren't such a big thing.

6 people.
6 fucking fucks wanting in my pants.
None of them being the one I want. It's frustrating. No means no. You can keep asking and I can keep on being the ruthless fuckin cuntil. -.-

So followers or watchers.. or I don't even know. I don't know what to call you. I'm not an acitve poster, I kinda just browse mostly. But this Coonbutt is struggling... My worlds kinda collapsing around me. To start on Monday, I found out the people I care about aren't going to be in my life for much longer. And my cousin who is pretty much like a son to me is going to be put into foster care. There's nothing I can do about it. I found out my mother's dying. My aunt's in the process of dying. I couldn't talk to my mate about it, because I didn't want to stress him out more right before finals. But we ended up getting into a disagreement... and I fucked up. I was rude and sarcastic and got angry. And now someone who I love deeply and dearly isn't mine anymore... It's hard to put into words how much I love him. For privacy reasons, i'm not putting his name. So let's call him... Dew. Well. Dew and I met through a video game, and i'm usually very very reluctant to let anyone in... That's why I don't have many friends, and that's why I Don't like dating. I took a chance, and after awhile I let him into my bubble. I told him, I wasn't looking for a relationship. The reason being I wanted to focus on school, and I have gotten hurt before and didn't want a repeat of that. Well... compared to the last time I was hurt and now... is a realization of how much I love Dew. And how much I loved my ex. I cried myself to sleep, and the sleep I got was only about half n hour. Monday night I had nightmares, Tuesday I tried talking to him, but I selfishly got annoyed about not being able to talk to him. Wednesday comes around, and that night we argue. Thursday night is when it all really went to hell.... What is a girl to do? With the wold crashing around her. The home she calls home isn't going to be a home for much longer, and i'm going to have to find some where else to go. I'm starting to look into hopefully getting my degree, then applying for Officer school, or Enlisting. Just so I can have some where to stay and get a steady income. This was a last resort plan, that i'm heavily considering. That or I break the law, least then i'll be able to get three meals a day. And warm showers. But seriously... with this i've realized i'm at fault. That i'm a void, and should stay a void. Not get involved with anyone, not build any friendships or more relationships. Because I don't want anymore pain... This is what I wanted to avoid. This pain... Dew was my motivation. Dew was supportive, I haven't had support like that in along while. He believed in me, and was the first to believe in me. And now I don't have that... and i'd do anything just to have it back. I'm confused. I'm hostile.

I keep getting harassed now, I told a few people, and then it went around and now... the perverts im stuck with at school are literally trying to climb up my asshole. It's aggravating, I don't want sex, I don't want a relationship. I don't understand dating tojust date. I'm in things for the long term, and are very selective when it comes to dating...

I'm becoming a ticking time bomb. Don't worry. I don't mean self harm kind of way. Just angry and violent, and will punch you in the face if you make sexual advances ive already made unclear. So if I disappear its because i've either been arrested for assault, enlisted, or shut myself out. Because I can't handle being around people, not like this.

I just want happiness, and that one person... but I guess now isn't our time. And hopefully another chance in the future. All I want to do is support and help him. But I feel like i'm not even being given the chance. Although I believe an ex is an ex for a reason, at least this time I hope that's not true.

So... this be warned. I will inflict lots of mental and physical pain if you make any sort of advances towards me.I've already warned a few perverted sexhoundish friends And trust me... your cock will be the least of your worries. Unless you're Clockwork Coon. Cause das one fine Coooooonbutt.

~Athacoon