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Patreon launching on the 1th of February!
General | Posted 7 years ago[EN]
That's it guys! Patreon will be launching on the 1th of February! I'm so happy!
For people living in Europe, I'll be launching a tipeee as well. It's basically the same as patreon except you can pay in euros :).
I updated my schedule and the content of the patreon/tipeee. Let's talk about it:
F.A.Q. and troubleshooting. "BlackBy, I'm working on this drawing but I am having trouble with the shadows, I don't know what to do next ToT!" I'm here!
Illustrations you vote on. "I have this neat idea I would want to see!", "My perfect x anime/x game/x comic fanart would be..." DONE. (I also do NSFW)
Sketches and step-by-step tutorials. How do I do that? How can you do that? You'll know everything!
Exercices sheets and art courses. You'll learn everything they don't have the time to teach you in school. Get rewards for your commitement and accomplishements.
Menthorship. You will be guided through your journey as an artist and learn exactly what you need to improve and draw the things you want to create.
Live and recorded streams for deep learning and chat!
Will you still be taking commissions?
I will but I'm currently full right now. Being a patron gives you priority for open slots.
What does it mean for the content online?
I know that not everyone can pay for commission and art courses. It's not fair. My goal is to finance this content via Patreon so it can be released for everyone for free in the future. By participating you'll help everyone to improve on their art and be happy to finally be able to draw what they want, how they want it.
-> deviantART
As I told you before, I'm not happy on this website anymore. But what you may not know is that deviantART is allowed to take every pic you post on this website and use it for commercial use and sell it to their partners, without telling you or giving you compensation. Since I'm a professional and I got a lot of pictures stolen, this is getting harder and harder to justify staying here. Still, I cannot leave you guys...
I'll continue to post a little bit here. But you have to know that most of my work will be on patreon, gumroad, facebook and instagram. If things goes well, I'll consider opening a website.
-> FurAffinity
Nothing much will change around here. I'll be posting illustrations funded by the community, commissions and do auctions.
-> tumblr
As most of you know, tumblr updated their terms and conditions, limiting content to SFW stuff... except that bot disables pretty much anything, it's so flawed. I'll continue to post there and see how much of my work get erased but... yeah, we'll see.
I am so, so happy to begin this new adventure with you guys!
[FR]
ça y est les copains! Le Patreon sera lancé le 1e Février! Je suis tellement contente!
Pour ceux qui vivent en Europe, j'ouvre en même temps un tipeee. C'est la même chose que Patreon sauf que vous pouvez payer en Euros :).
J'ai mis à jour mon emploi du temps ainsi que le contenu des the patreon/tipeee. Parlons-en:
Questionnaire et conseils. "BlackBy, Je bosse sur ce dessin mais j'ai un soucis avec les ombres, je ne sais pas quoi faire ToT!" pas de soucis, je suis là!
Des illustrations que vous avez choisi par vote. "J'ai cette super idée que je voudrais voir couchée sur papier!", "Le fanart parfait de x anime/x jeu/x BD serait..." C'EST FAIT. (Je vais aussi du NSFW)
Croquis et tutoriels étape par étape. Comment je fais ci ou ça? Comment peux-tu le faire aussi? Tu sauras tout!
Pages d'exercices et cours. Tu apprendras tout ce qu'ils n'ont pas le temps de t'apprendre à l'école. Obtiens des cadeaux pour ton assiduité et tes résultats!
Mentorat. Tu seras accompagné sur ton chemin d'artiste et apprendra exactement ce que tu as besoin d'apprendre pour réussir à dessiner ce que tu veux.
Vidéos live et enregistrées pour approfondir l'apprentissage et parler entre amis!
Est-ce que tu prendras encore des commissions?
Oui mais j'en est dejà assez pour le moment. En temps que patron/tipeur, tu auras priorité sur les nouvelles places disponibles.
Qu'est-ce-que cela signifie pour le contenu online?
Je sais que tout le monde ne peut pas payer une commission ou des cours de dessin. Ce n'est pas juste. Bon but est de financer ce contenu pour le distribuer gratuitement à tout le monde par la suite! En participant, tu aideras tout le monde à s'améliorer et à être heureux de pouvoir enfin coucher sur papier leur idées, comme ils le souhaite.
-> deviantART
As I told you before, I'm not happy on this website anymore. But what you may not know is that deviantART is allowed to take every pic you post on this website and use it for commercial use and sell it to their partners, without telling you or giving you compensation. Since I'm a professional and I got a lot of pictures stolen, this is getting harder and harder to justify staying here. Still, I cannot leave you guys...
I'll continue to post a little bit here. But you have to know that most of my work will be on patreon, gumroad, facebook and instagram. If things goes well, I'll consider opening a website.
-> FurAffinity
pas grand chose ne va changer par ici. Je posterai les illustrations financées par la communauté ainsi que les commissions. Je ferai aussi des enchères.
-> tumblr
As most of you know, tumblr updated their terms and conditions, limiting content to SFW stuff... except that bot disables pretty much anything, it's so flawed. I'll continue to post there and see how much of my work get erased but... yeah, we'll see.
Je suis tellement, tellement contente de pouvoir enfin démarrer cette nouvelle aventure avec vous!
That's it guys! Patreon will be launching on the 1th of February! I'm so happy!
For people living in Europe, I'll be launching a tipeee as well. It's basically the same as patreon except you can pay in euros :).
I updated my schedule and the content of the patreon/tipeee. Let's talk about it:
F.A.Q. and troubleshooting. "BlackBy, I'm working on this drawing but I am having trouble with the shadows, I don't know what to do next ToT!" I'm here!
Illustrations you vote on. "I have this neat idea I would want to see!", "My perfect x anime/x game/x comic fanart would be..." DONE. (I also do NSFW)
Sketches and step-by-step tutorials. How do I do that? How can you do that? You'll know everything!
Exercices sheets and art courses. You'll learn everything they don't have the time to teach you in school. Get rewards for your commitement and accomplishements.
Menthorship. You will be guided through your journey as an artist and learn exactly what you need to improve and draw the things you want to create.
Live and recorded streams for deep learning and chat!
Will you still be taking commissions?
I will but I'm currently full right now. Being a patron gives you priority for open slots.
What does it mean for the content online?
I know that not everyone can pay for commission and art courses. It's not fair. My goal is to finance this content via Patreon so it can be released for everyone for free in the future. By participating you'll help everyone to improve on their art and be happy to finally be able to draw what they want, how they want it.
-> deviantART
As I told you before, I'm not happy on this website anymore. But what you may not know is that deviantART is allowed to take every pic you post on this website and use it for commercial use and sell it to their partners, without telling you or giving you compensation. Since I'm a professional and I got a lot of pictures stolen, this is getting harder and harder to justify staying here. Still, I cannot leave you guys...
I'll continue to post a little bit here. But you have to know that most of my work will be on patreon, gumroad, facebook and instagram. If things goes well, I'll consider opening a website.
-> FurAffinity
Nothing much will change around here. I'll be posting illustrations funded by the community, commissions and do auctions.
-> tumblr
As most of you know, tumblr updated their terms and conditions, limiting content to SFW stuff... except that bot disables pretty much anything, it's so flawed. I'll continue to post there and see how much of my work get erased but... yeah, we'll see.
I am so, so happy to begin this new adventure with you guys!
[FR]
ça y est les copains! Le Patreon sera lancé le 1e Février! Je suis tellement contente!
Pour ceux qui vivent en Europe, j'ouvre en même temps un tipeee. C'est la même chose que Patreon sauf que vous pouvez payer en Euros :).
J'ai mis à jour mon emploi du temps ainsi que le contenu des the patreon/tipeee. Parlons-en:
Questionnaire et conseils. "BlackBy, Je bosse sur ce dessin mais j'ai un soucis avec les ombres, je ne sais pas quoi faire ToT!" pas de soucis, je suis là!
Des illustrations que vous avez choisi par vote. "J'ai cette super idée que je voudrais voir couchée sur papier!", "Le fanart parfait de x anime/x jeu/x BD serait..." C'EST FAIT. (Je vais aussi du NSFW)
Croquis et tutoriels étape par étape. Comment je fais ci ou ça? Comment peux-tu le faire aussi? Tu sauras tout!
Pages d'exercices et cours. Tu apprendras tout ce qu'ils n'ont pas le temps de t'apprendre à l'école. Obtiens des cadeaux pour ton assiduité et tes résultats!
Mentorat. Tu seras accompagné sur ton chemin d'artiste et apprendra exactement ce que tu as besoin d'apprendre pour réussir à dessiner ce que tu veux.
Vidéos live et enregistrées pour approfondir l'apprentissage et parler entre amis!
Est-ce que tu prendras encore des commissions?
Oui mais j'en est dejà assez pour le moment. En temps que patron/tipeur, tu auras priorité sur les nouvelles places disponibles.
Qu'est-ce-que cela signifie pour le contenu online?
Je sais que tout le monde ne peut pas payer une commission ou des cours de dessin. Ce n'est pas juste. Bon but est de financer ce contenu pour le distribuer gratuitement à tout le monde par la suite! En participant, tu aideras tout le monde à s'améliorer et à être heureux de pouvoir enfin coucher sur papier leur idées, comme ils le souhaite.
-> deviantART
As I told you before, I'm not happy on this website anymore. But what you may not know is that deviantART is allowed to take every pic you post on this website and use it for commercial use and sell it to their partners, without telling you or giving you compensation. Since I'm a professional and I got a lot of pictures stolen, this is getting harder and harder to justify staying here. Still, I cannot leave you guys...
I'll continue to post a little bit here. But you have to know that most of my work will be on patreon, gumroad, facebook and instagram. If things goes well, I'll consider opening a website.
-> FurAffinity
pas grand chose ne va changer par ici. Je posterai les illustrations financées par la communauté ainsi que les commissions. Je ferai aussi des enchères.
-> tumblr
As most of you know, tumblr updated their terms and conditions, limiting content to SFW stuff... except that bot disables pretty much anything, it's so flawed. I'll continue to post there and see how much of my work get erased but... yeah, we'll see.
Je suis tellement, tellement contente de pouvoir enfin démarrer cette nouvelle aventure avec vous!
I'm not dead! I just don't have internet...
General | Posted 7 years ago[ENGLISH]
Guys... GUYS! Hello! Ho my gosh, guys, long time no see, huh?
Guys... so many things happened during October... holy molly! You have no idea... I had no idea! I feel like I was in a washing machine, unable to put a feet on the ground.
Things happened really fast during the last 3 weeks of October. Like... days to day I-don't-know-what's-going-to-happen-tomorrow fast. It would be too long (and too boring) to talk about eveything but let's just say that I was on auto-pilote mode, running as fast as necessary while traveling long distance in a car almost everyday. I was sleeping 3-5 hours a night, I wasn't eating more than a piece of bread and salad a day and I still hadn't enough time!
Then... depression hit me, like never before. I have searched a new home for one year non stop. I did not have a stable lifestyle nor a stable job and I was constantly traveling. I prepared as best as I could and took care of myself but it was not enough when everything came at the same time. I stopped eating and sleeping. I stopped liking simple things that gave me joy the previous month. I had zero time to relax and my todolist was an arm long - and nothing on it could get canceled. People asked too much from me. I asked to much from myself. I had to do things that triggered phobias and didn't have time to process it or practice self care. To be really honest with you... it's the first time that I thought that I was truly loosing my mind, like I was dying inside. I developped psychosis and some days I would drink heavily (first time doing that) to numb my constent state of panic (anxiety is so lovely, compared to this) and get through the day. I lost so much weight. I had no internet connexion and was always on the move, so I couldn't get to my friend and get support... the emergency hotline did not worked (seriously !!!?). I knew I needed to get to the hospital, to receive treatment (I have not been on any medication for the last 2 years) and be monitored but I was never at the same place more than 3 days and things needed to be done right then if I wanted to have a roof under my head, financial stability, have medical assurance and stay in a situation that was beneficial for my mental health. People were counting on me for life changing matters. So... I survived. I kept walking.
I knew - knowing myself a little bit - that being in this situation for too long would trigger a depression but... well, I had no choice but to power through it if I wanted to advance in my life and not having everything fall apart.
Now, I'm... stable. My situation is stable, so I'm reaching to you guys, wanting to chat. The depression is still going strong but I am fighting it, as always. It forced me to have a massive existential crisis (the 30's do that too? I thought it was the 40's, not before...). I realised a lot about myself. Somehow it is freeing but at the same time, it's really scary to see a new, big mountain revealed to me on the road ahead.
So don't worry about me guys. I just need your support, as always, but otherwise, I'm okay. I'm not alone. And I know what I need to do for my future. I survived "the October of the Apocalypse". Truly a horror show, as far as I'm concerned, at least I was in the theme for Halloween!
So, as you saw, I did not finished Inktober. Not because of the depression, really, but because of all the things that happened at the same time. I'm pretty sad because I was really motivated and excited about it. But I have to be compassionate with myself and accept that a lot of things I could not have foreseen happened and I had no choice but to make them a priority. I still have a brunch of drawings I did for Inktober, so I'll post them in the future, on instagram. It was still a worthwhile experience and I learned a ton!
So... what is going to happen now?
Well, a lot of things happened; life changing events... and I need to figure out some stuff. But here are the plan so far:
I just moved to a new location a few days back and I need to get comfortable and make new friends. Because guess what: I brought a house! Ho my Gosh, guys, I have a house! It's really nice, on the countryside. It is not exactly where I wanted to live but it's pretty close! And what a neat situation!
I think it will be really peaceful to live here... but it may not be forever. I struck a nice deal while buying this house, it's all nice and neat and the neighborhood is great. But it may be too peaceful, too far to things I love and need; I don't know yet, everything went so fast. AND... I may not find work close by. My boyfriend found a nice job so that's why we are staying here but as for myself? I may have a really hard time. Since freelancing isn't a huge thing in my country and that I cost more than others since I am getting old and live in Switzerland (which I also choose for the healthcare system, since I'm so ill), finding remote works won't be easy either. I'll try but if it doesn't work, well... I would have to go somewhere else. So... try, wait and see. I will try make the most of this beautiful place we're in and try to grow as a person. Find a little peace. Be kind and find meaning in my life.
One of my neighbor need help with their garden and another one with their horses. Two things I love! Those will be my chance to socialise (scaryyyy) and have a good time while working my body. I need to see how far this old corpse of mine can go now that I'm getting better!
Also, I need to make new business cards. Apparently, Switzerland still care about those. Switzerland is so late to the game, guys. I wonder how big of a problem it will be... wait and see.
It is apparent that I need to go back to school. I learnt a lot by myself (and I'm quite good at that, that's why I propose eduction on my patreon) but I need more. Anyway, if work is too hard to find, I may have to consider another carreer. And that means school. For that, I now need to know if my brain can handle a school rythmic. It couldn't, so far. It is really scary but at the same time, it means that my health is getting better! I'll do things in reverse and very late, but I'll be doing them and live my life as I can. I will fight to get back a little of what the illness took away from me.
Anyway, it may mean that I'll go back to France to get an education. France seems more helpful than Switzerland for adults who go back to school. Also, their school are so easy compared to swiss ones... It may be a safer bet for lil' sick girl like me. Anyway, we'll see. It won't stop me from drawing and doing game dev; I am still asked for remote works regarding those, at the moment.
I'm planning on doing my driving license. I.am.SO.excited!! It may be a little step for you, but a big one for me. You may not know it, but since I was 17, I was forbidden to drive by my doctors, due to heavy medications and cognitive disability. Shame they give you your license at 18 years old, in my country...
But this fall, I got healthy enough to drive for the first time!! I'm pretty impressed with myself: after a few hours, I knew how to drive on any road and park the car like I've done it all my life. And I almost though driving was too hard for lil' me...
so, I am confident this will go smoothly during the exam. I did not start anything yet - I needed to be sure I could stand to drive a long period of time and it wasn't some luck and I would get too sick again. But getting my driver license is a priority.
Art-wise, I'm still working on a brunch of concept arts for a swiss indie game and have 2 commissions to finish.
The Patreon is ready to be launched. Truth be told I wanted to launch it in November but since a lot happened in October, I could not prepare the launch like needed. And now, since I don't have a stable internet connexion at the moment, I don't want to launch it if I'm not sure I can deliver the rewards. I'll try to stream this month and see how it works. Anyway, it will launch for sure, in due time, don't worry about it. I'm really too passionate about this :heart:.
Pfew, well... that's it! Lots of very negative and positive stuff; what a rollercoaster. Wish me luck in those new adventures and I'll keep you informed!
Love you all. You are my rock. Kisses,
BlackBy
[FRENCH]
Les amis... les amis!! Ho mon Dieu, ça fait longtemps, hein?
Mes petiots... tellement de choses se sont passées durant le mois d'octobre... purée! Vous n'avez pas idée... Je n'avais pas idée! j'ai l'impression d'avoir été dans une machine à laver, incapable de toucher le sol 2 secondes!
Les choses ont bougé très vite durant les 3 dernières semaines d'octobre. genre, jour-le-jour, je-ne-sais-pas-ce-qui-va-se-passer-demain. Ce serait trop long (et trop ennuyeux) de parler de tout ce qu'il s'est passé mais disons juste que j'étais en auto-pilote, à courir aussi vite que possible, tout en voyageant de longues distance en voiture presque tous les jours. je dormais 3-5 heures par nuit et je ne mangeais pas plus d'un bout de pain et une salade par jour... et je n'avais toujours pas assez de temps!
Et puis... la dépression m'a choppé au tournant, comme jamais auparavant. ça faisait 1 an que je cherchais une maison. Il n'y avais rien de stable dans ma vie et je devais bouger constamment. Je me suis préparé et j'ai pris soin de moi aussi bien que j'ai pu, en prévision mais ça n'a pas été assez et tout m'est tombé dessus en même temps. J'ai arrêté de manger et de dormir. J'ai arrêté de ressentir du plaisir via les simples choses de la vie qui me faisaient sourir le mois précédent. je n'avais aucun temps pour me relaxer et ma liste de choses à faire était longue comme le bras - et rien ne pouvais être remis à plus tard. Des gens m'en demandaient trop. Je m'en demandais trop.J'ai du faire des choses qui stimulaient mes phobies et je n'avais pas le temps de travailler dessus ou de prendre soin de moi.Pour être parfaitement honnête avec vous... c'est la première fois où j'ai cru que j'allais devenir folle, comme si j'étais en train de mourir à l'intérieur. J'ai développé une psychose et certains jour je buvais beaucoup d'alcool (première fois que je fais ça) pour ne plus ressentir ma constente panique (l'anxieté est tellement sympa à côté de ça) et tenir la journée. J'ai perdu tellement de poids. Je n'avais pas de connexion internet et 'étais toujours en déplacement, alors je ne pouvais pas contacter mes amis et obtenir du soutien... les numéros d'urgence ne marchaient pas (sérieusement!!!?). Je savais qu'il fallait que j'aille à l'hôpital, pour être traitée (je ne suis sous aucun médicament depuis 2 ans) et surveillée mais je n'étais jamais au même endroit plus de 3 jours et les choses devaient être faites pour que j'ai un toit sur la tête, une stabilité financière, une assurance maladie et rester dans une situation qui soit bénéfique pour ma santé mentale. Des gens avaient besoin de moi pour des changements importants dans leur vie. Alors... j'ai supporté. J'ai continué d'avancer.
Je savais -me connaissant un peu - que rester dans cette situation trop longtemps conduirait à une dépression mais... je n'avais pas d'autre choix que de foncer et tenir bon si je voulais avancer dans ma vie et que tout ne s'écroule pas.
Maintenant, je suis... stable. ma situation est stable alors je viens vous voir, ayant envie de discuter. la dépression est toujours forte mais je la combat, comme toujours. Cela m'a forcé à avoir une crise existentielle (c'est la trentaine qui fait ça? je pensais qu'on en avait pas une avant la quarantaine...). J'ai réalisé beaucoup de choses sur moi-même.. D'une certaine façon, c'est libérateur mais en même temps, c'est vraiment effrayant de voir une nouvelle montagne sortir fraîche de terre sur mon chemin.
Alors je vous inquiétez pas, les amis. J'ai juste besoin de votre soutien, comme toujours, mais à part ça, ça va. Je ne suis pas seule. Et je sais de quoi j'ai besoin pour le future. j'ai survécu "l'apocalypse d'octobre". c'était vraiment un film d'horreur, au moins je suis restée dans le thème d'Halloween!
Comme vous le voyez, je n'ai pas complété Inktober. Pas vraiment à cause de la depression mais à cause de toutes les choses qui sont arrivées au même moment. Je suis assez triste, car j'étais très motivée et excitée à l'idée de le faire. Mais je dois faire preuve de compassion envers moi-même et accepter que j'ai eu beaucoup de choses qui me sont tombées dessus sans moyen de les voir venir, et que je devais les régler en priorité. J'ai toujours quelques dessins que j'ai fait pour Inktober alors je les posterai dans le future, sur instagram. Ce fut quoi qu'il en soit une expérience enrichissante et j'ai beaucoup appris!
Bon... qu'est ce qui va se passer maintenant?
Et bien, pas mal de choses en changées; des trucs qui vont changer mon parcours de vie... et j'ai encore besoin de comprendre certains points. mais voilà le plan à l'heure d'aujourd'hui:
Je viens de déménager dans un nouveau coin et j'ai besoin de m'y installer et de m'y faire des relations. parce que devinez quoi: j'ai acheté une maison! Ho là là, j'arrive pas à le croire: j'ai une maison! Elle est très bien, en campagne. pas vraiment là où je souhaitais habiter, mais pas loin du tout! Et l'endroit est vraiment cool!
Je pense que je vais passer des moments paisibles ici... mais il se peut que ce ne soit pas définitif. J'ai fait une bonne affaire en achetant cette maison, elle est correcte et propre et le voisinage est top. mais je me demande si tout n'est pas trop paisible, trop loin des choses que j'aime et qui me font du bien; je ne sais pas encore, tout est allé si vite. ET... il se peut que je ne trouve pas de travail dans le coin. Mon copain a trouvé un bon job dans la région, c'est pourquoi nous nous sommes installés, mais me concernant? ça va être vraiment dur. Comme le freelance n'est pas très développé en Suisse et que je coûte plus cher que mes concurrents puisque je suis plus vieille et que je vis en Suisse (j'y suis allée parce que mon copain voulait et pour le système de santé de bonne qualité, avec ma maladie), trouver du travail à distance ne sera pas facile non plus. je vais essayer, bien spure, mais si ça ne marche pas... il faudra aller voir ailleurs. On va voir comment ça se passe. En attendant j'essayerai de profiter un maximum de ce que cette région a à m'offrir et grandir en temps que personne. Trouver un peu de paix. Faire le bien autour de moi et trouver un sens à ma vie.
Un de mes voisin a besoin d'aide pour son jardin et un autre avec ses chevaux. Deux choses que j'adore! Ce seront mes chances de sociabiliser (ça fait peeeuuur) et passer un bon moment, tout en faisant travailler mon corps. Il faut que je sache qu'est ce que cette vieille carcasse peut faire, maintenant que ma santé s'améliore!
Il faut aussi que je fasse de nouvelles cartes de visites. Apparemment, la Suisse en a encore quelque chose à faire de ces trucs. Ce pays est tellement en retard, parfois, je me demande si ce sera un gros problème... on verra bien.
Il semble évident que je dois retourner faire des études. J'ai beaucoup appris en autodidacte (et je suis assez douée pour ça, c'est pour celà que je propose des cours sur mon Patreon) mais j'ai besoin de plus. Quoi qu'il en soit, si il est trop dur de trouver du travail, il se peut que je doive changer de carrière; et ça veut dire études. Il sera important de savoir si mon cerveau peu supporter le rythme d'une école. Il ne le pouvait pas jusqu'alors, ce n'était pas envisageable. C'est assez effrayant d'y penser mais en même temps, cela veut dire que ma santé s'améliore! Je ferai les choses à l'envers et en retard mais je les ferai et vivrai ma vie comme je peux. Je combattrai pour regagner un peu de ce que la maladie m'a prise.
Il se pourrait que je retourne en France pour faire mes études. la France a l'air d'avoir de meilleures d'infrastructures pour les adultes en besoin de formation. Accessoirement, les écoles françaises sont bien plus faciles que celles en Suisse, ce qui pourrait être un avantage indéniable pour quelqu'un avec un cerveau malade et fatiguée comme moi. Quoiqu'il en soit, je n'arrêterai pas de dessiner et de faire du developpement de jeux vidéos; j'ai encore des jobs en cours à ce niveau-là.
J'ai l'intention de passer mon permis de conduire. Je suis TELLEMENT excitée à cette idée!! C'est peut-être un petit pas pour vous mais c'en est un grand pour moi. Vous ne le savez peut-être pas mais depuis mes 17 ans j'étais interdite de conduite par mes médecins, à cause des médicaments que je prenais et de troubles cognitifs. Dommage, vu qu'on passe son permis à 18 ans en Suisse...
Mais cet automne, j'ai atteint une santé suffisamment bonne pour essayer la conduite pour la première fois!! Je suis assez épatée par mes performances: après quelques heures, je savais conduire parfaitement sur toutes routes et me parquer. Et moi qui pensais que j'étais trop nulle pour y arriver...
Alors je pense que ça ira bien durant l'examen. Je n'ai commencé aucune démarche encore - il fallais que je sache si je pouvais conduire longtemps et régulièrement et que ce n'étais pas un moment de chance et ma santé se dégraderait encore. Mais obtenir mon permis de conduire est une priorité.
Côté Art, je travaille toujours sur quelques concept arts pour un jeu vidéo indépendant suisse et j'ai deux commissions à finir.
Mon Patreon est prêt à être lancé! Pour dire la vérité, je voulais le lancer en novembre mais avec tout ce qui s'est passé en octobre, je n'ai pas pu préparer son lancement comme il se doit. Et vu que je n'ai pas une connexion internet stable, je ne veux pas démarrer la chose si je ne suis pas sûre que je peux fournir le contenu. Je vais essayer de faire des streams se moic-ci et je verrai comment ça fonctionne. Quoi qu'il arrive, le Patreon sera lancé en temps et en heure, ne vous inquiétez pas. Je suis trop passionnée par ce projet :heart:.
Pfioouuu, bon ben... c'est fini! Beaucoup de choses très négatives et très positives; des montagnes russes! Souhaitez-moi bonne chance dans ces nouvelles aventures et je vous garderai informé!
Je vous aime tous. Vous êtes mon pilier. Bisous,
BlackBy
Guys... GUYS! Hello! Ho my gosh, guys, long time no see, huh?
Guys... so many things happened during October... holy molly! You have no idea... I had no idea! I feel like I was in a washing machine, unable to put a feet on the ground.
Things happened really fast during the last 3 weeks of October. Like... days to day I-don't-know-what's-going-to-happen-tomorrow fast. It would be too long (and too boring) to talk about eveything but let's just say that I was on auto-pilote mode, running as fast as necessary while traveling long distance in a car almost everyday. I was sleeping 3-5 hours a night, I wasn't eating more than a piece of bread and salad a day and I still hadn't enough time!
Then... depression hit me, like never before. I have searched a new home for one year non stop. I did not have a stable lifestyle nor a stable job and I was constantly traveling. I prepared as best as I could and took care of myself but it was not enough when everything came at the same time. I stopped eating and sleeping. I stopped liking simple things that gave me joy the previous month. I had zero time to relax and my todolist was an arm long - and nothing on it could get canceled. People asked too much from me. I asked to much from myself. I had to do things that triggered phobias and didn't have time to process it or practice self care. To be really honest with you... it's the first time that I thought that I was truly loosing my mind, like I was dying inside. I developped psychosis and some days I would drink heavily (first time doing that) to numb my constent state of panic (anxiety is so lovely, compared to this) and get through the day. I lost so much weight. I had no internet connexion and was always on the move, so I couldn't get to my friend and get support... the emergency hotline did not worked (seriously !!!?). I knew I needed to get to the hospital, to receive treatment (I have not been on any medication for the last 2 years) and be monitored but I was never at the same place more than 3 days and things needed to be done right then if I wanted to have a roof under my head, financial stability, have medical assurance and stay in a situation that was beneficial for my mental health. People were counting on me for life changing matters. So... I survived. I kept walking.
I knew - knowing myself a little bit - that being in this situation for too long would trigger a depression but... well, I had no choice but to power through it if I wanted to advance in my life and not having everything fall apart.
Now, I'm... stable. My situation is stable, so I'm reaching to you guys, wanting to chat. The depression is still going strong but I am fighting it, as always. It forced me to have a massive existential crisis (the 30's do that too? I thought it was the 40's, not before...). I realised a lot about myself. Somehow it is freeing but at the same time, it's really scary to see a new, big mountain revealed to me on the road ahead.
So don't worry about me guys. I just need your support, as always, but otherwise, I'm okay. I'm not alone. And I know what I need to do for my future. I survived "the October of the Apocalypse". Truly a horror show, as far as I'm concerned, at least I was in the theme for Halloween!
So, as you saw, I did not finished Inktober. Not because of the depression, really, but because of all the things that happened at the same time. I'm pretty sad because I was really motivated and excited about it. But I have to be compassionate with myself and accept that a lot of things I could not have foreseen happened and I had no choice but to make them a priority. I still have a brunch of drawings I did for Inktober, so I'll post them in the future, on instagram. It was still a worthwhile experience and I learned a ton!
So... what is going to happen now?
Well, a lot of things happened; life changing events... and I need to figure out some stuff. But here are the plan so far:
I just moved to a new location a few days back and I need to get comfortable and make new friends. Because guess what: I brought a house! Ho my Gosh, guys, I have a house! It's really nice, on the countryside. It is not exactly where I wanted to live but it's pretty close! And what a neat situation!
I think it will be really peaceful to live here... but it may not be forever. I struck a nice deal while buying this house, it's all nice and neat and the neighborhood is great. But it may be too peaceful, too far to things I love and need; I don't know yet, everything went so fast. AND... I may not find work close by. My boyfriend found a nice job so that's why we are staying here but as for myself? I may have a really hard time. Since freelancing isn't a huge thing in my country and that I cost more than others since I am getting old and live in Switzerland (which I also choose for the healthcare system, since I'm so ill), finding remote works won't be easy either. I'll try but if it doesn't work, well... I would have to go somewhere else. So... try, wait and see. I will try make the most of this beautiful place we're in and try to grow as a person. Find a little peace. Be kind and find meaning in my life.
One of my neighbor need help with their garden and another one with their horses. Two things I love! Those will be my chance to socialise (scaryyyy) and have a good time while working my body. I need to see how far this old corpse of mine can go now that I'm getting better!
Also, I need to make new business cards. Apparently, Switzerland still care about those. Switzerland is so late to the game, guys. I wonder how big of a problem it will be... wait and see.
It is apparent that I need to go back to school. I learnt a lot by myself (and I'm quite good at that, that's why I propose eduction on my patreon) but I need more. Anyway, if work is too hard to find, I may have to consider another carreer. And that means school. For that, I now need to know if my brain can handle a school rythmic. It couldn't, so far. It is really scary but at the same time, it means that my health is getting better! I'll do things in reverse and very late, but I'll be doing them and live my life as I can. I will fight to get back a little of what the illness took away from me.
Anyway, it may mean that I'll go back to France to get an education. France seems more helpful than Switzerland for adults who go back to school. Also, their school are so easy compared to swiss ones... It may be a safer bet for lil' sick girl like me. Anyway, we'll see. It won't stop me from drawing and doing game dev; I am still asked for remote works regarding those, at the moment.
I'm planning on doing my driving license. I.am.SO.excited!! It may be a little step for you, but a big one for me. You may not know it, but since I was 17, I was forbidden to drive by my doctors, due to heavy medications and cognitive disability. Shame they give you your license at 18 years old, in my country...
But this fall, I got healthy enough to drive for the first time!! I'm pretty impressed with myself: after a few hours, I knew how to drive on any road and park the car like I've done it all my life. And I almost though driving was too hard for lil' me...
so, I am confident this will go smoothly during the exam. I did not start anything yet - I needed to be sure I could stand to drive a long period of time and it wasn't some luck and I would get too sick again. But getting my driver license is a priority.
Art-wise, I'm still working on a brunch of concept arts for a swiss indie game and have 2 commissions to finish.
The Patreon is ready to be launched. Truth be told I wanted to launch it in November but since a lot happened in October, I could not prepare the launch like needed. And now, since I don't have a stable internet connexion at the moment, I don't want to launch it if I'm not sure I can deliver the rewards. I'll try to stream this month and see how it works. Anyway, it will launch for sure, in due time, don't worry about it. I'm really too passionate about this :heart:.
Pfew, well... that's it! Lots of very negative and positive stuff; what a rollercoaster. Wish me luck in those new adventures and I'll keep you informed!
Love you all. You are my rock. Kisses,
BlackBy
[FRENCH]
Les amis... les amis!! Ho mon Dieu, ça fait longtemps, hein?
Mes petiots... tellement de choses se sont passées durant le mois d'octobre... purée! Vous n'avez pas idée... Je n'avais pas idée! j'ai l'impression d'avoir été dans une machine à laver, incapable de toucher le sol 2 secondes!
Les choses ont bougé très vite durant les 3 dernières semaines d'octobre. genre, jour-le-jour, je-ne-sais-pas-ce-qui-va-se-passer-demain. Ce serait trop long (et trop ennuyeux) de parler de tout ce qu'il s'est passé mais disons juste que j'étais en auto-pilote, à courir aussi vite que possible, tout en voyageant de longues distance en voiture presque tous les jours. je dormais 3-5 heures par nuit et je ne mangeais pas plus d'un bout de pain et une salade par jour... et je n'avais toujours pas assez de temps!
Et puis... la dépression m'a choppé au tournant, comme jamais auparavant. ça faisait 1 an que je cherchais une maison. Il n'y avais rien de stable dans ma vie et je devais bouger constamment. Je me suis préparé et j'ai pris soin de moi aussi bien que j'ai pu, en prévision mais ça n'a pas été assez et tout m'est tombé dessus en même temps. J'ai arrêté de manger et de dormir. J'ai arrêté de ressentir du plaisir via les simples choses de la vie qui me faisaient sourir le mois précédent. je n'avais aucun temps pour me relaxer et ma liste de choses à faire était longue comme le bras - et rien ne pouvais être remis à plus tard. Des gens m'en demandaient trop. Je m'en demandais trop.J'ai du faire des choses qui stimulaient mes phobies et je n'avais pas le temps de travailler dessus ou de prendre soin de moi.Pour être parfaitement honnête avec vous... c'est la première fois où j'ai cru que j'allais devenir folle, comme si j'étais en train de mourir à l'intérieur. J'ai développé une psychose et certains jour je buvais beaucoup d'alcool (première fois que je fais ça) pour ne plus ressentir ma constente panique (l'anxieté est tellement sympa à côté de ça) et tenir la journée. J'ai perdu tellement de poids. Je n'avais pas de connexion internet et 'étais toujours en déplacement, alors je ne pouvais pas contacter mes amis et obtenir du soutien... les numéros d'urgence ne marchaient pas (sérieusement!!!?). Je savais qu'il fallait que j'aille à l'hôpital, pour être traitée (je ne suis sous aucun médicament depuis 2 ans) et surveillée mais je n'étais jamais au même endroit plus de 3 jours et les choses devaient être faites pour que j'ai un toit sur la tête, une stabilité financière, une assurance maladie et rester dans une situation qui soit bénéfique pour ma santé mentale. Des gens avaient besoin de moi pour des changements importants dans leur vie. Alors... j'ai supporté. J'ai continué d'avancer.
Je savais -me connaissant un peu - que rester dans cette situation trop longtemps conduirait à une dépression mais... je n'avais pas d'autre choix que de foncer et tenir bon si je voulais avancer dans ma vie et que tout ne s'écroule pas.
Maintenant, je suis... stable. ma situation est stable alors je viens vous voir, ayant envie de discuter. la dépression est toujours forte mais je la combat, comme toujours. Cela m'a forcé à avoir une crise existentielle (c'est la trentaine qui fait ça? je pensais qu'on en avait pas une avant la quarantaine...). J'ai réalisé beaucoup de choses sur moi-même.. D'une certaine façon, c'est libérateur mais en même temps, c'est vraiment effrayant de voir une nouvelle montagne sortir fraîche de terre sur mon chemin.
Alors je vous inquiétez pas, les amis. J'ai juste besoin de votre soutien, comme toujours, mais à part ça, ça va. Je ne suis pas seule. Et je sais de quoi j'ai besoin pour le future. j'ai survécu "l'apocalypse d'octobre". c'était vraiment un film d'horreur, au moins je suis restée dans le thème d'Halloween!
Comme vous le voyez, je n'ai pas complété Inktober. Pas vraiment à cause de la depression mais à cause de toutes les choses qui sont arrivées au même moment. Je suis assez triste, car j'étais très motivée et excitée à l'idée de le faire. Mais je dois faire preuve de compassion envers moi-même et accepter que j'ai eu beaucoup de choses qui me sont tombées dessus sans moyen de les voir venir, et que je devais les régler en priorité. J'ai toujours quelques dessins que j'ai fait pour Inktober alors je les posterai dans le future, sur instagram. Ce fut quoi qu'il en soit une expérience enrichissante et j'ai beaucoup appris!
Bon... qu'est ce qui va se passer maintenant?
Et bien, pas mal de choses en changées; des trucs qui vont changer mon parcours de vie... et j'ai encore besoin de comprendre certains points. mais voilà le plan à l'heure d'aujourd'hui:
Je viens de déménager dans un nouveau coin et j'ai besoin de m'y installer et de m'y faire des relations. parce que devinez quoi: j'ai acheté une maison! Ho là là, j'arrive pas à le croire: j'ai une maison! Elle est très bien, en campagne. pas vraiment là où je souhaitais habiter, mais pas loin du tout! Et l'endroit est vraiment cool!
Je pense que je vais passer des moments paisibles ici... mais il se peut que ce ne soit pas définitif. J'ai fait une bonne affaire en achetant cette maison, elle est correcte et propre et le voisinage est top. mais je me demande si tout n'est pas trop paisible, trop loin des choses que j'aime et qui me font du bien; je ne sais pas encore, tout est allé si vite. ET... il se peut que je ne trouve pas de travail dans le coin. Mon copain a trouvé un bon job dans la région, c'est pourquoi nous nous sommes installés, mais me concernant? ça va être vraiment dur. Comme le freelance n'est pas très développé en Suisse et que je coûte plus cher que mes concurrents puisque je suis plus vieille et que je vis en Suisse (j'y suis allée parce que mon copain voulait et pour le système de santé de bonne qualité, avec ma maladie), trouver du travail à distance ne sera pas facile non plus. je vais essayer, bien spure, mais si ça ne marche pas... il faudra aller voir ailleurs. On va voir comment ça se passe. En attendant j'essayerai de profiter un maximum de ce que cette région a à m'offrir et grandir en temps que personne. Trouver un peu de paix. Faire le bien autour de moi et trouver un sens à ma vie.
Un de mes voisin a besoin d'aide pour son jardin et un autre avec ses chevaux. Deux choses que j'adore! Ce seront mes chances de sociabiliser (ça fait peeeuuur) et passer un bon moment, tout en faisant travailler mon corps. Il faut que je sache qu'est ce que cette vieille carcasse peut faire, maintenant que ma santé s'améliore!
Il faut aussi que je fasse de nouvelles cartes de visites. Apparemment, la Suisse en a encore quelque chose à faire de ces trucs. Ce pays est tellement en retard, parfois, je me demande si ce sera un gros problème... on verra bien.
Il semble évident que je dois retourner faire des études. J'ai beaucoup appris en autodidacte (et je suis assez douée pour ça, c'est pour celà que je propose des cours sur mon Patreon) mais j'ai besoin de plus. Quoi qu'il en soit, si il est trop dur de trouver du travail, il se peut que je doive changer de carrière; et ça veut dire études. Il sera important de savoir si mon cerveau peu supporter le rythme d'une école. Il ne le pouvait pas jusqu'alors, ce n'était pas envisageable. C'est assez effrayant d'y penser mais en même temps, cela veut dire que ma santé s'améliore! Je ferai les choses à l'envers et en retard mais je les ferai et vivrai ma vie comme je peux. Je combattrai pour regagner un peu de ce que la maladie m'a prise.
Il se pourrait que je retourne en France pour faire mes études. la France a l'air d'avoir de meilleures d'infrastructures pour les adultes en besoin de formation. Accessoirement, les écoles françaises sont bien plus faciles que celles en Suisse, ce qui pourrait être un avantage indéniable pour quelqu'un avec un cerveau malade et fatiguée comme moi. Quoiqu'il en soit, je n'arrêterai pas de dessiner et de faire du developpement de jeux vidéos; j'ai encore des jobs en cours à ce niveau-là.
J'ai l'intention de passer mon permis de conduire. Je suis TELLEMENT excitée à cette idée!! C'est peut-être un petit pas pour vous mais c'en est un grand pour moi. Vous ne le savez peut-être pas mais depuis mes 17 ans j'étais interdite de conduite par mes médecins, à cause des médicaments que je prenais et de troubles cognitifs. Dommage, vu qu'on passe son permis à 18 ans en Suisse...
Mais cet automne, j'ai atteint une santé suffisamment bonne pour essayer la conduite pour la première fois!! Je suis assez épatée par mes performances: après quelques heures, je savais conduire parfaitement sur toutes routes et me parquer. Et moi qui pensais que j'étais trop nulle pour y arriver...
Alors je pense que ça ira bien durant l'examen. Je n'ai commencé aucune démarche encore - il fallais que je sache si je pouvais conduire longtemps et régulièrement et que ce n'étais pas un moment de chance et ma santé se dégraderait encore. Mais obtenir mon permis de conduire est une priorité.
Côté Art, je travaille toujours sur quelques concept arts pour un jeu vidéo indépendant suisse et j'ai deux commissions à finir.
Mon Patreon est prêt à être lancé! Pour dire la vérité, je voulais le lancer en novembre mais avec tout ce qui s'est passé en octobre, je n'ai pas pu préparer son lancement comme il se doit. Et vu que je n'ai pas une connexion internet stable, je ne veux pas démarrer la chose si je ne suis pas sûre que je peux fournir le contenu. Je vais essayer de faire des streams se moic-ci et je verrai comment ça fonctionne. Quoi qu'il arrive, le Patreon sera lancé en temps et en heure, ne vous inquiétez pas. Je suis trop passionnée par ce projet :heart:.
Pfioouuu, bon ben... c'est fini! Beaucoup de choses très négatives et très positives; des montagnes russes! Souhaitez-moi bonne chance dans ces nouvelles aventures et je vous garderai informé!
Je vous aime tous. Vous êtes mon pilier. Bisous,
BlackBy
I'll be launching a Patreon! Here are the infos.
General | Posted 7 years agoSo.
Guys.
I said it in a previous journal: I am launching a Patreon soon. What can you expect from it? What content? What do I expect to achieve with it?
What's the goal?
I love to teach and people say I'm good at it. I love to help. But most of all, I love cooperative creations. Working together to make something special, something dreamy and beautiful that even more people will appreciate.
I lot of you guys asks me for help regarding drawing and want to see my 3D models. You often ask for specific illustrations or printed merchandises from me. Thing is, I currently don't have the time nor the ressources to produce any of that.
Unleeeeess... I get help via Patreon!
Patreon seems the most fair, most simple and effective way to produce content that will satisfy both you and me.
What will be be on my Patreon?
For the moment and depending on the chosen tier:
-Access to patreon only feed (Q&A, news, sales, personal blog posts, behind the scenes,...)
-Access to the Discord server for art and lifestyle talk
-Access to streams and chat live
-Access to all SFW patreon only sketches & WIP before everyone else
-Access to all SFW patreon only high-res illustrations before everyone else
-.JPG of the process of creation with comments
-Wallpapers on ask
-Access to previous stream sessions
-I review your drawings during live streams and do paintovers
-Access to all NSFW patreon only high-res sketches, Wip & illustrations before everyone else
-Get to vote on the next illustration and stream themes
-Access to the Discord server for art feedback
-Your name listed on social media with the content you helped create
-Personal videochat lessons on drawing & digital painting. I'm your mentor.
--5% off commission
If we get far enough that I can open an online shop, You will get free or % off of merchandises you helped create by participating in the Patreon.
What's on my Discord?
For small pledge patrons: access to logs, announcements and "blog post". You get to ask for advices from me and the community about Art and improving yourself. Access to the inspiration board, science talk, mental illness talk, video games talk and the radio.
for bigger pledge patrons: you can suggest a character to draw or a theme for my next creations. You can promote your work in our community and get unlimited access to all the tutorials and art advices that I produce and that the community shares.
What's in stock for the future?
My ultimate goal is to produce figurines, or help you make your own. I would also like to put your ideas into an interactive display, be it: videogames. I already know how to do it but it demands a lot of time and a lot of work. Imagine your favourite character, right there as a figurine at home. Or being able to move it and play with it in an interactive environement. Do you have an idea of a video game mechanic or want to learn how to do game assets? That's what I want to offer you in the future.
So, there is the whole project. Now there are more questions I can answer:
How about your health? Can you really be consistent?
I can update monthly, yes, that's for sure. I tested it these past 3 month. I would not do more, at the moment; I need to test the water. See how it goes, and adapt the content after your feedback.
So.... NSFW stuff, hé?
Well, you know that I do like to draw sexual content. It is not something that I will do every day, sure, but I quite like it and would like to do more of it. The access to those works will be under strict control, since I know that half of my fanbase is underage or are not interested about this kind of stuff.
Illustrations, tutoriels, then online shop, 3D modeling and figurines? Isn't it a lot to do? It seems all over the place.
It would be per month, so, no, it's not too much for me. Right now, I will only be producing illustrations, streams, sketches and managing a Discord for Patrons, so it is quite managable. The Discord already exist and has been tested. I may find someone to help me manage it in the future, and the number of students under my wing will be limited.
For the rest, what's I want in the future, yes, one 3D model would take more than one month to make. Then, as I said, I will adapt the content to what you guys want. I already know how to do it. I have the materials for it. It's not really different from what I already do, except I will do it for you. A sketch can be turned into an illustration that I will stream, then can be turned into a 3D model that will either be for videogame production or 3D printing, or just for view and render. Those are just different branches of the same tree, in my chain of production. Plus, if things go this far, I will have the means to hire someone to help me. Maybe one of you guys, héhé...
It's not for nothing than I only propose illustrations and art classes at the moment. 3D stuff and video game making demands more money and time to do than illustrations and streams. Only your participation and feedback will tell me if we can get further in this project...
I don't want to participate. What's in stock for the non-patrons? Is everything going to be behind a paywall?
On Discord, you can view the FAQ and have view-only access to the inspiration board, view-only of science talk, mental illness talk, video games talk and the radio.
Some of the illustrations and sketches done for Patreon will be released for free, after a time, but it won't be much and maybe not what you want to see the most.
I realize what I am asking for. I am so, so grateful for every bit of support you're giving me. I cannot repeat enough how much this means to me.
As most artists, I believe in free sharing; but capitalism doesn't agree with me on that, folks. My hope is that I can finance my creations via Patreon so that they could be released for free out there; but for more complex, time-consuming stuff, it is simply not possible. Patreon is the only plateform, with kickstarter, that gets projects funded with people giving such a small amount of money by individuals.
As I said earlier, having a Patreon seems the most fair thing to do. At the end, it's your choice of course. But bare in mind that I will go that much slower without you.
I would love to read what you have to say about this project, even if you already feel like you won't be participating. Do you find all of this interesting? Do you already have a favorite theme you would like me to focus on? Is there some part of what I offer that interests you more than another?
Are you intereste by an by month subscribtion or would you prefer to pay by products?
Let me know with a comment and see you very soon!
With love and respect,
Black_Berry
Guys.
I said it in a previous journal: I am launching a Patreon soon. What can you expect from it? What content? What do I expect to achieve with it?
What's the goal?
I love to teach and people say I'm good at it. I love to help. But most of all, I love cooperative creations. Working together to make something special, something dreamy and beautiful that even more people will appreciate.
I lot of you guys asks me for help regarding drawing and want to see my 3D models. You often ask for specific illustrations or printed merchandises from me. Thing is, I currently don't have the time nor the ressources to produce any of that.
Unleeeeess... I get help via Patreon!
Patreon seems the most fair, most simple and effective way to produce content that will satisfy both you and me.
What will be be on my Patreon?
For the moment and depending on the chosen tier:
-Access to patreon only feed (Q&A, news, sales, personal blog posts, behind the scenes,...)
-Access to the Discord server for art and lifestyle talk
-Access to streams and chat live
-Access to all SFW patreon only sketches & WIP before everyone else
-Access to all SFW patreon only high-res illustrations before everyone else
-.JPG of the process of creation with comments
-Wallpapers on ask
-Access to previous stream sessions
-I review your drawings during live streams and do paintovers
-Access to all NSFW patreon only high-res sketches, Wip & illustrations before everyone else
-Get to vote on the next illustration and stream themes
-Access to the Discord server for art feedback
-Your name listed on social media with the content you helped create
-Personal videochat lessons on drawing & digital painting. I'm your mentor.
--5% off commission
If we get far enough that I can open an online shop, You will get free or % off of merchandises you helped create by participating in the Patreon.
What's on my Discord?
For small pledge patrons: access to logs, announcements and "blog post". You get to ask for advices from me and the community about Art and improving yourself. Access to the inspiration board, science talk, mental illness talk, video games talk and the radio.
for bigger pledge patrons: you can suggest a character to draw or a theme for my next creations. You can promote your work in our community and get unlimited access to all the tutorials and art advices that I produce and that the community shares.
What's in stock for the future?
My ultimate goal is to produce figurines, or help you make your own. I would also like to put your ideas into an interactive display, be it: videogames. I already know how to do it but it demands a lot of time and a lot of work. Imagine your favourite character, right there as a figurine at home. Or being able to move it and play with it in an interactive environement. Do you have an idea of a video game mechanic or want to learn how to do game assets? That's what I want to offer you in the future.
So, there is the whole project. Now there are more questions I can answer:
How about your health? Can you really be consistent?
I can update monthly, yes, that's for sure. I tested it these past 3 month. I would not do more, at the moment; I need to test the water. See how it goes, and adapt the content after your feedback.
So.... NSFW stuff, hé?
Well, you know that I do like to draw sexual content. It is not something that I will do every day, sure, but I quite like it and would like to do more of it. The access to those works will be under strict control, since I know that half of my fanbase is underage or are not interested about this kind of stuff.
Illustrations, tutoriels, then online shop, 3D modeling and figurines? Isn't it a lot to do? It seems all over the place.
It would be per month, so, no, it's not too much for me. Right now, I will only be producing illustrations, streams, sketches and managing a Discord for Patrons, so it is quite managable. The Discord already exist and has been tested. I may find someone to help me manage it in the future, and the number of students under my wing will be limited.
For the rest, what's I want in the future, yes, one 3D model would take more than one month to make. Then, as I said, I will adapt the content to what you guys want. I already know how to do it. I have the materials for it. It's not really different from what I already do, except I will do it for you. A sketch can be turned into an illustration that I will stream, then can be turned into a 3D model that will either be for videogame production or 3D printing, or just for view and render. Those are just different branches of the same tree, in my chain of production. Plus, if things go this far, I will have the means to hire someone to help me. Maybe one of you guys, héhé...
It's not for nothing than I only propose illustrations and art classes at the moment. 3D stuff and video game making demands more money and time to do than illustrations and streams. Only your participation and feedback will tell me if we can get further in this project...
I don't want to participate. What's in stock for the non-patrons? Is everything going to be behind a paywall?
On Discord, you can view the FAQ and have view-only access to the inspiration board, view-only of science talk, mental illness talk, video games talk and the radio.
Some of the illustrations and sketches done for Patreon will be released for free, after a time, but it won't be much and maybe not what you want to see the most.
I realize what I am asking for. I am so, so grateful for every bit of support you're giving me. I cannot repeat enough how much this means to me.
As most artists, I believe in free sharing; but capitalism doesn't agree with me on that, folks. My hope is that I can finance my creations via Patreon so that they could be released for free out there; but for more complex, time-consuming stuff, it is simply not possible. Patreon is the only plateform, with kickstarter, that gets projects funded with people giving such a small amount of money by individuals.
As I said earlier, having a Patreon seems the most fair thing to do. At the end, it's your choice of course. But bare in mind that I will go that much slower without you.
I would love to read what you have to say about this project, even if you already feel like you won't be participating. Do you find all of this interesting? Do you already have a favorite theme you would like me to focus on? Is there some part of what I offer that interests you more than another?
Are you intereste by an by month subscribtion or would you prefer to pay by products?
Let me know with a comment and see you very soon!
With love and respect,
Black_Berry
I turned 30, Youtube and stream
General | Posted 7 years agoI wanted to say thank you for your donations and all the great gifts! I couldn't ask for better friends and fans! I am not exagerating when I say that your support is really important to me. I get so easily frustrated with my Art and I always doubting myself. It seems like I cannot help it and I feel like it is the struggle of all artists. But when I see your comments, I feel so motivated. I always want to do better after hearing from you!
Turning 30 is... quite odd to me. But I had a wonderful day so I have nothing to complain about!
For people following my Youtube Channel, I changed channel and uploaded my very first videos. These are parts the painting process of my last commission, that I streamed. The first stream did not record correctly (I had bad internet connexion) so unfortunately the quality is horrible, but it gets better after. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs.....RV2GaPpidfCVgw
It got me thinking... I decided to stay on Picarto to stream... but I also want to stream my watercolors painting process. Thing is, Picarto is not usable on mobilephone (well, not for anything more than watch) and I don't think my webcam is good enough for streaming good quality, either. Plus, I currently cannot do watercolors where my computer is; the light is bad and I don't have the space. My best bet would be to not stream traditional works and just record them the process on my camera, but then I would not interact with you guys! I still want to try streaming them!
So...I am wondering if streaming on Youtube is a better option now... what do you guys think?
Turning 30 is... quite odd to me. But I had a wonderful day so I have nothing to complain about!
For people following my Youtube Channel, I changed channel and uploaded my very first videos. These are parts the painting process of my last commission, that I streamed. The first stream did not record correctly (I had bad internet connexion) so unfortunately the quality is horrible, but it gets better after. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs.....RV2GaPpidfCVgw
It got me thinking... I decided to stay on Picarto to stream... but I also want to stream my watercolors painting process. Thing is, Picarto is not usable on mobilephone (well, not for anything more than watch) and I don't think my webcam is good enough for streaming good quality, either. Plus, I currently cannot do watercolors where my computer is; the light is bad and I don't have the space. My best bet would be to not stream traditional works and just record them the process on my camera, but then I would not interact with you guys! I still want to try streaming them!
So...I am wondering if streaming on Youtube is a better option now... what do you guys think?
Birthday and an exciting news [EN]
General | Posted 7 years agoHello my beautiful people. How are you?
I've been sick for the last two weeks, having the flu and a fibromyalgia flare. I've spend all of my free time in a car, visiting houses or being abed with a fever. Let's just say I'm pretty exhausted. But it's not over: I'm going back to France tomorrow to finish my moving out and some paperwork I cannot do online. Then I must go back to Switzerland as fast as possible. This is going to be fun (no it won't).
I'm planning a bullet journal for next month, to test the water with this technique and see if it fits me. Do you use one?
Anyway. What's next for me, for you, regarding Art? Well, I'll stay open for commissions as much as possible, but that will go slow until the end of the year. I'll be streaming a commission of a pin-up Krystal during this month, if you're interested. You can see a preview of the piece on my commission list on Trello https://trello.com/b/3J0xE6ED/commissons-list. I choose to stay on Picarto for the moment, thanks to all your useful comments on my last journal https://picarto.tv/BlackBy. The painting is close to done, but I'll add details and design the lingerie, huhu. I'll not say it is really NSFW but it's a pin-up in lingerie, so, ya know... just saying.
The big news is that...I'll be launching a Patreon!
Why? Because it is necessary in this period of transission, if I want to keep drawing things that you love. I want to have the time to give you the support and the quality of art that you deserve! Right now I can't, and I think you can see that. Also, I would really like to teach.
Everything is already planned and almost ready to launch. I will talk to you about it in another journal. I hope you will like what I have to offer. This is quite exciting!
On another note, my Birthday is on the 17th of September; I'll turn 30 !
You have always been with me during all these years and I always read all your comment and it warm my heart every single year. I have made a lot of friends here.
If you would like to make a gift or a donation, please visit my Ookoodoo gift list (liste n° 103931) https://www.ookoodoo.com/fr/list/103931. There are all kind of gifts, cheap or expensive, for my health, for my work, for my future house or just for my pleasure. You can join the funding of an object, make a donation or buy a gift yourself.
You can also donate on Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/Z8Z4CXTM ; I make a doodle for every 10$ made on Ko-Fi; You can suggest a theme in the comment of your donation.
I'm grateful for every bit of love you give me. Always.
See you soon for more news. Take care, my friends!
I've been sick for the last two weeks, having the flu and a fibromyalgia flare. I've spend all of my free time in a car, visiting houses or being abed with a fever. Let's just say I'm pretty exhausted. But it's not over: I'm going back to France tomorrow to finish my moving out and some paperwork I cannot do online. Then I must go back to Switzerland as fast as possible. This is going to be fun (no it won't).
I'm planning a bullet journal for next month, to test the water with this technique and see if it fits me. Do you use one?
Anyway. What's next for me, for you, regarding Art? Well, I'll stay open for commissions as much as possible, but that will go slow until the end of the year. I'll be streaming a commission of a pin-up Krystal during this month, if you're interested. You can see a preview of the piece on my commission list on Trello https://trello.com/b/3J0xE6ED/commissons-list. I choose to stay on Picarto for the moment, thanks to all your useful comments on my last journal https://picarto.tv/BlackBy. The painting is close to done, but I'll add details and design the lingerie, huhu. I'll not say it is really NSFW but it's a pin-up in lingerie, so, ya know... just saying.
The big news is that...I'll be launching a Patreon!
Why? Because it is necessary in this period of transission, if I want to keep drawing things that you love. I want to have the time to give you the support and the quality of art that you deserve! Right now I can't, and I think you can see that. Also, I would really like to teach.
Everything is already planned and almost ready to launch. I will talk to you about it in another journal. I hope you will like what I have to offer. This is quite exciting!
On another note, my Birthday is on the 17th of September; I'll turn 30 !
You have always been with me during all these years and I always read all your comment and it warm my heart every single year. I have made a lot of friends here.
If you would like to make a gift or a donation, please visit my Ookoodoo gift list (liste n° 103931) https://www.ookoodoo.com/fr/list/103931. There are all kind of gifts, cheap or expensive, for my health, for my work, for my future house or just for my pleasure. You can join the funding of an object, make a donation or buy a gift yourself.
You can also donate on Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/Z8Z4CXTM ; I make a doodle for every 10$ made on Ko-Fi; You can suggest a theme in the comment of your donation.
I'm grateful for every bit of love you give me. Always.
See you soon for more news. Take care, my friends!
Picarto or twitch?
General | Posted 7 years agoHi guys! I was wondering which plateform do you prefer for stream? I like Picarto but Twitch seems just as nice... I feel like Twitch is a the favored plateform though? Since their is such a variety of content.
Tell me guys which one of those site you would prefer me to stream in the future.
Kisses and hugs!
Tell me guys which one of those site you would prefer me to stream in the future.
Kisses and hugs!
Next Stream today!
General | Posted 7 years ago[EN]
For the next stream I'll be working on odonnell1218's commission, a portrait of a character from his Star Fox/ Star Trek crossover, a half cornerian, half vulcan brown fox! I've already done the speedpaint, I'll refine the portrait and add details.
If you're interested, the stream will be today (Sunday the 5th of August) at 7:30 p.m. (UTC+2) on Picarto! For americans, it should be around 1:30 p.m. (10:30 a.m. for the West coast). Don't worry, every stream is recorded and shared after.
https://picarto.tv/BlackBy
[FR]
Pour le prochain stream, je travaillerai sur la commission de odonnell1218, un portrait d'un des personnages de son crossover de Star Fox et StarTrek, un renard brun mi-cornérien, mi-vulcain! J'ai déjà fait le speedpaint et je m'occuperai d'affiner le dessin et d'ajouter les détails.
Si cela vous intéresse, le prochain stream est aujourdhui (samedi 5 août) à 19h30h sur Picarto! Ne vous en faites pas, tous les streams sont enregistrés.
https://picarto.tv/BlackBy
For the next stream I'll be working on odonnell1218's commission, a portrait of a character from his Star Fox/ Star Trek crossover, a half cornerian, half vulcan brown fox! I've already done the speedpaint, I'll refine the portrait and add details.
If you're interested, the stream will be today (Sunday the 5th of August) at 7:30 p.m. (UTC+2) on Picarto! For americans, it should be around 1:30 p.m. (10:30 a.m. for the West coast). Don't worry, every stream is recorded and shared after.
https://picarto.tv/BlackBy
[FR]
Pour le prochain stream, je travaillerai sur la commission de odonnell1218, un portrait d'un des personnages de son crossover de Star Fox et StarTrek, un renard brun mi-cornérien, mi-vulcain! J'ai déjà fait le speedpaint et je m'occuperai d'affiner le dessin et d'ajouter les détails.
Si cela vous intéresse, le prochain stream est aujourdhui (samedi 5 août) à 19h30h sur Picarto! Ne vous en faites pas, tous les streams sont enregistrés.
https://picarto.tv/BlackBy
Streams are back! [EN & FR]
General | Posted 7 years ago[EN]
Hi everyone! I came back to Paris two days ago and planning to stay until the 14th of July. Then I'll drive back to Switzerland for good! Moving to another country is such a hard thing to do... wish me luck!
While I'm still figuring out what my next move will be, I'm working on commissions and doodling in between and I thought: why not share the process in a stream! I would love to talk to you! I know must of you guys live in a different timezone than me, but all the streams will be recorded and available and I hope you'll take the time to give me feedback.
For the few next streams I'll be working on odonnell1218's commission, a portrait of a character from his Star Fox/ Star Trek crossover, a half cornerian, half vulcan brown fox! I've already done the speedpaint, I'll refine the portrait and add details.
If you're interested, the first stream will be tomorrow (Wednesday the 4th of July) at 2 p.m. (UTC+2) on Picarto: https://picarto.tv/BlackBy For americans, it should be around 8 a.m. (5.A.M. for the West coast). Don't worry I'll be available in the evenings in the future, just not tomorrow . And as I said, every stream is recorded. I'll try to do another one in the week-end.
I hope to see you tomorrow! Kisses and hugs!
BlackBy
[FR]
Salut tout le monde! Je suis de retour à Paris depuis 2 jours et je prévois de rester jusqu'au 14 juillet. Ensuite, je repartirai en Suisse pour de bon! Je reviendrai de temps en temps, mais je ne sais pas quand...si vous voulez me voir, c'est le moment!
Le temps de me décider sur la marche à suivre pour mes futures projets, je travaille sur des commissions et dessine quelques croquis entre deux. Et je me suis dit: Pourquoi ne pas partager le truc en stream! Ce serait super de parler avec vous! Et ne vous en faites pas, même si vous n'êtes pas dispo pour un stream, ils seront tous enregistrés et disponibles, et je serais ravie que vous me disiez ce que vous en penser.
Pour les prochains streams à venir, je travaillerai sur la commission de odonnell1218, un portrait d'un des personnages de son crossover de Star Fox et StarTrek, un renard brun mi-cornérien, mi-vulcain! J'ai déjà fait le speedpaint et je m'occuperai d'affiner le dessin et d'ajouter les détails.
Si cela vous intéresse, le premier stream sera demain (mercredi 4 juillet) à 14h sur Picarto: https://picarto.tv/BlackBy Ne vous en faites pas, je serai disponible dans les soirées à l'avenir, juste pas demain. Et comme je l'ai dit, tous les streams sont enregistrés. J'essayerai d'en faire un ce week-end.
J'espère vous voir demain! Pleins de bisous et de câlins :heart:
BlackBy
Hi everyone! I came back to Paris two days ago and planning to stay until the 14th of July. Then I'll drive back to Switzerland for good! Moving to another country is such a hard thing to do... wish me luck!
While I'm still figuring out what my next move will be, I'm working on commissions and doodling in between and I thought: why not share the process in a stream! I would love to talk to you! I know must of you guys live in a different timezone than me, but all the streams will be recorded and available and I hope you'll take the time to give me feedback.
For the few next streams I'll be working on odonnell1218's commission, a portrait of a character from his Star Fox/ Star Trek crossover, a half cornerian, half vulcan brown fox! I've already done the speedpaint, I'll refine the portrait and add details.
If you're interested, the first stream will be tomorrow (Wednesday the 4th of July) at 2 p.m. (UTC+2) on Picarto: https://picarto.tv/BlackBy For americans, it should be around 8 a.m. (5.A.M. for the West coast). Don't worry I'll be available in the evenings in the future, just not tomorrow . And as I said, every stream is recorded. I'll try to do another one in the week-end.
I hope to see you tomorrow! Kisses and hugs!
BlackBy
[FR]
Salut tout le monde! Je suis de retour à Paris depuis 2 jours et je prévois de rester jusqu'au 14 juillet. Ensuite, je repartirai en Suisse pour de bon! Je reviendrai de temps en temps, mais je ne sais pas quand...si vous voulez me voir, c'est le moment!
Le temps de me décider sur la marche à suivre pour mes futures projets, je travaille sur des commissions et dessine quelques croquis entre deux. Et je me suis dit: Pourquoi ne pas partager le truc en stream! Ce serait super de parler avec vous! Et ne vous en faites pas, même si vous n'êtes pas dispo pour un stream, ils seront tous enregistrés et disponibles, et je serais ravie que vous me disiez ce que vous en penser.
Pour les prochains streams à venir, je travaillerai sur la commission de odonnell1218, un portrait d'un des personnages de son crossover de Star Fox et StarTrek, un renard brun mi-cornérien, mi-vulcain! J'ai déjà fait le speedpaint et je m'occuperai d'affiner le dessin et d'ajouter les détails.
Si cela vous intéresse, le premier stream sera demain (mercredi 4 juillet) à 14h sur Picarto: https://picarto.tv/BlackBy Ne vous en faites pas, je serai disponible dans les soirées à l'avenir, juste pas demain. Et comme je l'ai dit, tous les streams sont enregistrés. J'essayerai d'en faire un ce week-end.
J'espère vous voir demain! Pleins de bisous et de câlins :heart:
BlackBy
A note from the well (life update)
General | Posted 7 years agoHello everyone. I hope you're doing fine.
Boy, I bet you didn't think I was going to write to you anymore, eh? Fare enough, I have been a ghost on this website for a long time. I hope you are still interested by some news.
So let's get to it. I feel like I have some things to answer for, and I am going to give respond for some of them there:
Where were you?
Well, you already heard this one from other people. I followed a somewhat common path for artists: I struggled with my opinion of my work.
Everyone goes through that. I know it, you know it. But I don't think anyone realized how lost I (always) was, regarding my Art. Not a lot of people noticed that, at some point, I got stuck in a certain style, a certain idea of what my Art "should" be. But I did, and I was ashamed of myself. I could not get away from my confort zone, I was always drawing the same thing when I wanted to do more, and despite my best efforts and extensive researches, I could not get un-stuck.
Everyone always told me how talented I was, how life-like my drawings was, but I could not see that myself. It was half modesty and half self-hate, two things that gets you nowhere when you want to make a carreer out of something; I am a perfectionnist (another useless thing, all things considered), I wanted to draw in all the styles I liked but I was always too slow, too shy, too... too much. And never enough at the same time.
And I could not get better just by wishing it: I thought like this because I have an general anxiety disorder. A disorder that I would not allow myself to see, and therfore could not fight it.
I would be drawing with a feeling of dread, and not much else, I never finished anything, and I felt my sketches were not good enough to post online. So that's why you didn't see anything I made. But it wasn't what made me stop drawing altogether (because I am stubborn like that).
If you've read my previous journal entries, you know that I am struggling with a chronic illness called Fibromyalgia. You will also know that Fibromyalgia never comes alone, and that my entire body was collapsing for various reasons on a daily basis. But the most know symptoms are the chronic fatigue, the cognifive disability called brainfog and, most of all, the pain.
The fact is that I simply could not draw anymore. I could not hold a pen, I couldn't draw a straight line, I could not access in my brain the knowledge I needed in order to draw. And even if, my some miracle, I powered through the pain and made a drawing - the pain signal being purposefully strong in the brain, all I would remember from this experience is how much painful the process was. I would see my drawing and the memory of the pain in my arm - the tears, the screams, would come foward, unbidden, and unavoidable. So I saved myself the energy, and stopped drawing.
So there is that. I did not draw something more than some doodles for those last 8 years.
Why did you not say anything?
Because I was afraid. In fact, I was pinned in place by abject terror. I was reading your messages, without being able to respond to them, without working myself into a panic attack.
A bad break up with my first boyfriend put the last straw to a life of mental suffering. By no desire of his (althouh he was an abject specimen, girls, avoid him by all cost, save urself), his attitude during the break up put in me the fear of connecting with others - in any shape or form. The fear of an email, a message (your messages too), a phone call. I could not even order a pizza myself, not check my emails. Thank God my current boyfriend (still :devTheSlider-Wanta:, 8 years now) is the best man alive and helped me with the important stuff.
I was... so ashamed. So embarassed of this weakness. This seemed so stupid and I had not the luxury to just- not answer the phone! I kept thinking I would come back the day after, I would finally have the courage to answer a message of yours, or to just tell the truth about my situation and get help but every day I disappointed myself further by not being stronger than my beaten up brain. I wanted to hide. I needed to hide, and I did, while struggling to get better, in solitude.
I still feel so much shame. I try to not let it overcome me, but I feel like I own you so much. I have the best fans on Earth and I feel like I abandonned you all. I abandonned some of you, at least, that much I know. I kept silence when people needed me and I would have to live with the consequences.
But I don't think I should feel shy about my mental health. I was before, still am today, but I think the topic of mental health is important, we all struggle with something in this departement at some point in our lives (whenerver we accept it of not) and so many people feel trapped and alone because this topic is taboo. Because of ignorance and silence, people do not make a difference because someone who have anxiety management problem, and someone who commit a mass shooting or other hideous crimes. We don't talk about it because we don't want to be treated like we are dangerous, or a pest.
As I said before, I am convinced that everyone could have some mental issue during their lifetime, may it be minor or serious. Therefore I think that anyone who talks about mental illness is doing a service to society. And I am willing to do that, even if it makes me cringe a little. And I encourage you to do the same, if you are willing.
Where are you now?
This struggle is not over. It probably never will, and I am still in the well, in this crap, thinking about what I could do.
But the reason I am here, talking to you, posting a journal entry and barring my soul to the internet, is obviously because I'm getting better; mentally and physically. I don't know what I did to get better, mind you... but I managed to take a pen in my hand (and keep it long enough to draw a thing, and be happy about that thing) ...last month.
In order to grow as an artist, but also as a person, I need to take everything from zero, regarding my Art. I feel like those last 10 years have been a nightmarish journey (fortunately peppered with very good moments, too), and I will need time to find myself again. I am planning on moving out of my current location (still in France, in the suburb of Paris) to go back to my country, Switzerland, when there is a better healthcare system, a family and friends waiting for me, and maybe a future house in the country side, when I could better take care of my mental health. Right now I am putting all my energy into that project.
I still feel lost. I will always be lost, because I have mental health issues that won't ever go away, but mostly because I am a human being, and aren't we all a little lost, trying to do our best in hope that the future will be nice?
So I am okay with that. This is life.
Are you back?
... I don't know. I don't want to promise anything. I have to see if I don't collapse again. You deserve better than another disappearance.
But one thing for sure for my main gallery on deviantART is that I am very displeased with the direction deviantART is taking, have been displeased about it for a few years now, and I do not wish to support this website anymore. Besides my personal preferences, I am a professionnal and the fact is that deviantART has lost its good status within the working industry. Nowdays, when you say you have a deviantART gallery, people laugh or cringe, instead of being interested. No professional artist would want deviantART as their frontline for marketing. So it is clear that I will not stay here. I don't plan on closing my account, I have too much memories and good friends there. I will probably still post some of my Art there, but be aware that there is not the place to go to see my work anymore.
Where can I see your work, now?
Well, I didn't posted anything yet, not since we last talked. In the future, I will be on ArtStation (there is nothing there yet, no need to go for now) and SoFurry and FurAffinity for NSFW and anthro stuff. I am still on various other plateforms too, for visibility. I will probably make a tumblr dedicated to my sketches and W.I.P., since people requested it. I still have my main tumblr when I reblog stupid stuff, things related to my personal experience with mental health and fibromyalgia, and political opinions, so brace yourself if you go there, haha. My old W.I.P. are thill there, though.
I will also do streams again but I will use Twitch instead of Livestream, I think. We'll see.
In the meantime, I still have other due drawings to finish; and I will try to get better and better, until you can be proud of me again.
Kisses and hugs,
Your BlackBy
Boy, I bet you didn't think I was going to write to you anymore, eh? Fare enough, I have been a ghost on this website for a long time. I hope you are still interested by some news.
So let's get to it. I feel like I have some things to answer for, and I am going to give respond for some of them there:
Where were you?
Well, you already heard this one from other people. I followed a somewhat common path for artists: I struggled with my opinion of my work.
Everyone goes through that. I know it, you know it. But I don't think anyone realized how lost I (always) was, regarding my Art. Not a lot of people noticed that, at some point, I got stuck in a certain style, a certain idea of what my Art "should" be. But I did, and I was ashamed of myself. I could not get away from my confort zone, I was always drawing the same thing when I wanted to do more, and despite my best efforts and extensive researches, I could not get un-stuck.
Everyone always told me how talented I was, how life-like my drawings was, but I could not see that myself. It was half modesty and half self-hate, two things that gets you nowhere when you want to make a carreer out of something; I am a perfectionnist (another useless thing, all things considered), I wanted to draw in all the styles I liked but I was always too slow, too shy, too... too much. And never enough at the same time.
And I could not get better just by wishing it: I thought like this because I have an general anxiety disorder. A disorder that I would not allow myself to see, and therfore could not fight it.
I would be drawing with a feeling of dread, and not much else, I never finished anything, and I felt my sketches were not good enough to post online. So that's why you didn't see anything I made. But it wasn't what made me stop drawing altogether (because I am stubborn like that).
If you've read my previous journal entries, you know that I am struggling with a chronic illness called Fibromyalgia. You will also know that Fibromyalgia never comes alone, and that my entire body was collapsing for various reasons on a daily basis. But the most know symptoms are the chronic fatigue, the cognifive disability called brainfog and, most of all, the pain.
The fact is that I simply could not draw anymore. I could not hold a pen, I couldn't draw a straight line, I could not access in my brain the knowledge I needed in order to draw. And even if, my some miracle, I powered through the pain and made a drawing - the pain signal being purposefully strong in the brain, all I would remember from this experience is how much painful the process was. I would see my drawing and the memory of the pain in my arm - the tears, the screams, would come foward, unbidden, and unavoidable. So I saved myself the energy, and stopped drawing.
So there is that. I did not draw something more than some doodles for those last 8 years.
Why did you not say anything?
Because I was afraid. In fact, I was pinned in place by abject terror. I was reading your messages, without being able to respond to them, without working myself into a panic attack.
A bad break up with my first boyfriend put the last straw to a life of mental suffering. By no desire of his (althouh he was an abject specimen, girls, avoid him by all cost, save urself), his attitude during the break up put in me the fear of connecting with others - in any shape or form. The fear of an email, a message (your messages too), a phone call. I could not even order a pizza myself, not check my emails. Thank God my current boyfriend (still :devTheSlider-Wanta:, 8 years now) is the best man alive and helped me with the important stuff.
I was... so ashamed. So embarassed of this weakness. This seemed so stupid and I had not the luxury to just- not answer the phone! I kept thinking I would come back the day after, I would finally have the courage to answer a message of yours, or to just tell the truth about my situation and get help but every day I disappointed myself further by not being stronger than my beaten up brain. I wanted to hide. I needed to hide, and I did, while struggling to get better, in solitude.
I still feel so much shame. I try to not let it overcome me, but I feel like I own you so much. I have the best fans on Earth and I feel like I abandonned you all. I abandonned some of you, at least, that much I know. I kept silence when people needed me and I would have to live with the consequences.
But I don't think I should feel shy about my mental health. I was before, still am today, but I think the topic of mental health is important, we all struggle with something in this departement at some point in our lives (whenerver we accept it of not) and so many people feel trapped and alone because this topic is taboo. Because of ignorance and silence, people do not make a difference because someone who have anxiety management problem, and someone who commit a mass shooting or other hideous crimes. We don't talk about it because we don't want to be treated like we are dangerous, or a pest.
As I said before, I am convinced that everyone could have some mental issue during their lifetime, may it be minor or serious. Therefore I think that anyone who talks about mental illness is doing a service to society. And I am willing to do that, even if it makes me cringe a little. And I encourage you to do the same, if you are willing.
Where are you now?
This struggle is not over. It probably never will, and I am still in the well, in this crap, thinking about what I could do.
But the reason I am here, talking to you, posting a journal entry and barring my soul to the internet, is obviously because I'm getting better; mentally and physically. I don't know what I did to get better, mind you... but I managed to take a pen in my hand (and keep it long enough to draw a thing, and be happy about that thing) ...last month.
In order to grow as an artist, but also as a person, I need to take everything from zero, regarding my Art. I feel like those last 10 years have been a nightmarish journey (fortunately peppered with very good moments, too), and I will need time to find myself again. I am planning on moving out of my current location (still in France, in the suburb of Paris) to go back to my country, Switzerland, when there is a better healthcare system, a family and friends waiting for me, and maybe a future house in the country side, when I could better take care of my mental health. Right now I am putting all my energy into that project.
I still feel lost. I will always be lost, because I have mental health issues that won't ever go away, but mostly because I am a human being, and aren't we all a little lost, trying to do our best in hope that the future will be nice?
So I am okay with that. This is life.
Are you back?
... I don't know. I don't want to promise anything. I have to see if I don't collapse again. You deserve better than another disappearance.
But one thing for sure for my main gallery on deviantART is that I am very displeased with the direction deviantART is taking, have been displeased about it for a few years now, and I do not wish to support this website anymore. Besides my personal preferences, I am a professionnal and the fact is that deviantART has lost its good status within the working industry. Nowdays, when you say you have a deviantART gallery, people laugh or cringe, instead of being interested. No professional artist would want deviantART as their frontline for marketing. So it is clear that I will not stay here. I don't plan on closing my account, I have too much memories and good friends there. I will probably still post some of my Art there, but be aware that there is not the place to go to see my work anymore.
Where can I see your work, now?
Well, I didn't posted anything yet, not since we last talked. In the future, I will be on ArtStation (there is nothing there yet, no need to go for now) and SoFurry and FurAffinity for NSFW and anthro stuff. I am still on various other plateforms too, for visibility. I will probably make a tumblr dedicated to my sketches and W.I.P., since people requested it. I still have my main tumblr when I reblog stupid stuff, things related to my personal experience with mental health and fibromyalgia, and political opinions, so brace yourself if you go there, haha. My old W.I.P. are thill there, though.
I will also do streams again but I will use Twitch instead of Livestream, I think. We'll see.
In the meantime, I still have other due drawings to finish; and I will try to get better and better, until you can be proud of me again.
Kisses and hugs,
Your BlackBy
Yiff auctions will be available in the future
General | Posted 12 years agoHi everyone ! Long time no see !
I'm sorry I'm not really used to FurAffinity, I actually don't come often and I forget to answer to your messages... so I came back and I saw all your lovely comments and feedbacks, I'm really glad you guys follow my work here, it is a real pleasure ! I'll try my best to not forget FA ever again !
But let's talk about the main subject.
Remember one year ago I said I didn't want to take Yiff commissions because I don't feel like I would enjoy drawing it regularly (because let's face it, a lot of people will ask for Yiff). Well I didn't change my mind on this point, but I would like to do auctions. I'll tell you why:
I really enjoy drawing Yiff, in fact most of my pics end up be a very good finished drawings with interesting scene, background and composition. BUT I enjoy drawing the scene and anatomy, not creating new characters for it. I already do this all the time at my job, I don't feel the need or motivation to create OCs. So I quickly create some random furries without inspiration. That is why the characters on my Yiff pics look so... unoriginal and boring. This is sad and people don't care about the drawing if the characters are bad.
Such a waste in my opinion. That is why I had the idea to make auctions, now that I feel good about the idea. I can draw the scene I like, if you like it too you can add your character and we make a great pic that everyone can enjoy. Win/win !
So basically, nothing has really changed, I still don't do Yiff commissions and I'm not turning into a Yiff artist, since I'll not draw more Yiff than I usually do.
When I'll do an auction I'll tell you like everyone else does, by submiting the sketch with the rules and bids. I don't know if I'll do this forever of if I'll change my mind about XXX drawings in the future, but for now you can assume that I do Yiff auctions.
Thanks for reading, see you soon !
I'm sorry I'm not really used to FurAffinity, I actually don't come often and I forget to answer to your messages... so I came back and I saw all your lovely comments and feedbacks, I'm really glad you guys follow my work here, it is a real pleasure ! I'll try my best to not forget FA ever again !
But let's talk about the main subject.
Remember one year ago I said I didn't want to take Yiff commissions because I don't feel like I would enjoy drawing it regularly (because let's face it, a lot of people will ask for Yiff). Well I didn't change my mind on this point, but I would like to do auctions. I'll tell you why:
I really enjoy drawing Yiff, in fact most of my pics end up be a very good finished drawings with interesting scene, background and composition. BUT I enjoy drawing the scene and anatomy, not creating new characters for it. I already do this all the time at my job, I don't feel the need or motivation to create OCs. So I quickly create some random furries without inspiration. That is why the characters on my Yiff pics look so... unoriginal and boring. This is sad and people don't care about the drawing if the characters are bad.
Such a waste in my opinion. That is why I had the idea to make auctions, now that I feel good about the idea. I can draw the scene I like, if you like it too you can add your character and we make a great pic that everyone can enjoy. Win/win !
So basically, nothing has really changed, I still don't do Yiff commissions and I'm not turning into a Yiff artist, since I'll not draw more Yiff than I usually do.
When I'll do an auction I'll tell you like everyone else does, by submiting the sketch with the rules and bids. I don't know if I'll do this forever of if I'll change my mind about XXX drawings in the future, but for now you can assume that I do Yiff auctions.
Thanks for reading, see you soon !
tumblr, yiff and more...
General | Posted 14 years agoHi everyone ! I hope you're fine !
I'm sorry to not be really active on FurAffinity but my principal gallery is on deviantART, I'm not really familiar with FurAffinity but I really thank you for take the time to look at my work here !
I have some news:
I created a tumblr http://berrizcombo.tumblr.com/
At first I didn't want to participate to this "mode" but I follow a lot of them now and I was frustrated to cannot interact with. I also wanna find some place where I could share my opinions, ideas and discovers. I used Facebook for this before but this social network is pissing me off so I don't use it anymore (unless to update my fanpage of course).
So this tumblr is more personnal but I upload some sketches on it too. Not as much as on my fanpage facebook (where I also post more news and answer to the questions) but it may be interesting anyway.
I must code a little on it, add categories, followed people and other stuff...I will add the link to this journal CSS one day.
After a lot of hesitation I will punctually submit yiff drawings on FurAffinity and nowhere else. But I must say some details about it:
- I don't do yiff commissions. It will not disturb me but I'm not capable to draw yiff every days and I don't want to be resume as a yiff artist. I draw yiff when I want, that's all.
by the way the commissions are always closed for this moment but I updated the terms and prices if you want to see it anyway: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet.....Uzd0E6MQ#gid=0
-I'm not turning into a yiff artist. I will continue to submit fanarts and original pics as usual, don't worry about that.
-I only draw soft yiff ! hetero and homo, soft bondage, multiple or single characters. Don't expect other things from me.
I will probably submit one or two yiff pics before the end of the week. All opinion is appreciated !
Besides the Krystal's sketchbook is going well, I posted a journal about it on deviantART http://blackby.deviantart.com/journ.....ook-286933556.
Thanks for reading, have a nice evening !
I'm sorry to not be really active on FurAffinity but my principal gallery is on deviantART, I'm not really familiar with FurAffinity but I really thank you for take the time to look at my work here !
I have some news:
I created a tumblr http://berrizcombo.tumblr.com/
At first I didn't want to participate to this "mode" but I follow a lot of them now and I was frustrated to cannot interact with. I also wanna find some place where I could share my opinions, ideas and discovers. I used Facebook for this before but this social network is pissing me off so I don't use it anymore (unless to update my fanpage of course).
So this tumblr is more personnal but I upload some sketches on it too. Not as much as on my fanpage facebook (where I also post more news and answer to the questions) but it may be interesting anyway.
I must code a little on it, add categories, followed people and other stuff...I will add the link to this journal CSS one day.
After a lot of hesitation I will punctually submit yiff drawings on FurAffinity and nowhere else. But I must say some details about it:
- I don't do yiff commissions. It will not disturb me but I'm not capable to draw yiff every days and I don't want to be resume as a yiff artist. I draw yiff when I want, that's all.
by the way the commissions are always closed for this moment but I updated the terms and prices if you want to see it anyway: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet.....Uzd0E6MQ#gid=0
-I'm not turning into a yiff artist. I will continue to submit fanarts and original pics as usual, don't worry about that.
-I only draw soft yiff ! hetero and homo, soft bondage, multiple or single characters. Don't expect other things from me.
I will probably submit one or two yiff pics before the end of the week. All opinion is appreciated !
Besides the Krystal's sketchbook is going well, I posted a journal about it on deviantART http://blackby.deviantart.com/journ.....ook-286933556.
Thanks for reading, have a nice evening !
LiveStream account and some news !
General | Posted 14 years agoThank you very much for all the pageviews, comments, watches, favs and the Llama Badges which you gave me, it is really appreciated and it more motivates me each day. I plan to make small contest on my page to promote this ... but not immediately, now I have 1700 messages (all platforms combined) to read xD.
Before give you some news I have a small claim:
[PLEASE] I would appreciate if you at my journal when you want to ask me something. Important informations are communicated here, I repeat them each time so(again): Comments, notes and emails for asking me if I take requests or commissions, I do not answer! Make a little effort, you will save time for everyone.
Now this is done I give you some news that will also inform the reasons for this long absence:
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia mostly psychosomatic illness whose symptoms (mine anyway) are like a multiple sclerosis. The muscle and joints pain it causes is particularly unstable and disabling. For many months, I could not draw. The Pain everywhere is making me bitter, I chose to avoid many people to preserve them.
Now it's a little better but the symptoms persist. Fortunately it doesn't interfere with my good mood.
So life goes on and I am betting that I will succeed in my studies at ISART digital despite the disease. It started from mid-September and all goes well, I'm surprised to provide high quality work in a very short time.
As soon as I started submiting I received lots of messages asking me "Other Krystal drawings ? Other Krystal drawings ? OTHER KRYSTAL DRAWINGS ?!" xD
Well... first it would be nice to understand that I appreciate the constructive comments.
Then I'm still drawing her and you would know if you had look at my page header here. Since all that time I had a fangroupe on Facebook, which turned a few days ago in Facebook fanpage where I post all my sketches and WIP. I also write some news and leave the wall open for questions or discussion. There will be some photographies if I professionally participate in a festival or do dedications.
So if you are really interested in my work, I strongly advise you to go visit this page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Blac.....3305974441647. Be aware that I do not add anyone to my personal FB account so far, if you want to be in my friends list I would ask you to present yourself.
I also created a channel on LiveStream but remember that I live in France, take the jet lag into a count. http://www.livestream.com/black_berry_art
Status of LiveStream are updated in real time, so feel free to come and see the updates regularly.
The majority of the pics you will see in the future will be school work (well those that do not require Copyright) and old Requests and commissions.
As for the Krystal's sketchbook, it is progressing well and will be available in 2012. I also hope to make a special Starfox pin up calendar for 2013.
The blogBD I do has moved and the design is in progress. Avaible in French only. Here http://follementsuisse.illustrateur.org/
Very well that's all for the news. I missed you :3! Here we go for new adventures!
See ya !
Before give you some news I have a small claim:
[PLEASE] I would appreciate if you at my journal when you want to ask me something. Important informations are communicated here, I repeat them each time so(again): Comments, notes and emails for asking me if I take requests or commissions, I do not answer! Make a little effort, you will save time for everyone.
Now this is done I give you some news that will also inform the reasons for this long absence:
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia mostly psychosomatic illness whose symptoms (mine anyway) are like a multiple sclerosis. The muscle and joints pain it causes is particularly unstable and disabling. For many months, I could not draw. The Pain everywhere is making me bitter, I chose to avoid many people to preserve them.
Now it's a little better but the symptoms persist. Fortunately it doesn't interfere with my good mood.
So life goes on and I am betting that I will succeed in my studies at ISART digital despite the disease. It started from mid-September and all goes well, I'm surprised to provide high quality work in a very short time.
As soon as I started submiting I received lots of messages asking me "Other Krystal drawings ? Other Krystal drawings ? OTHER KRYSTAL DRAWINGS ?!" xD
Well... first it would be nice to understand that I appreciate the constructive comments.
Then I'm still drawing her and you would know if you had look at my page header here. Since all that time I had a fangroupe on Facebook, which turned a few days ago in Facebook fanpage where I post all my sketches and WIP. I also write some news and leave the wall open for questions or discussion. There will be some photographies if I professionally participate in a festival or do dedications.
So if you are really interested in my work, I strongly advise you to go visit this page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Blac.....3305974441647. Be aware that I do not add anyone to my personal FB account so far, if you want to be in my friends list I would ask you to present yourself.
I also created a channel on LiveStream but remember that I live in France, take the jet lag into a count. http://www.livestream.com/black_berry_art
Status of LiveStream are updated in real time, so feel free to come and see the updates regularly.
The majority of the pics you will see in the future will be school work (well those that do not require Copyright) and old Requests and commissions.
As for the Krystal's sketchbook, it is progressing well and will be available in 2012. I also hope to make a special Starfox pin up calendar for 2013.
The blogBD I do has moved and the design is in progress. Avaible in French only. Here http://follementsuisse.illustrateur.org/
Very well that's all for the news. I missed you :3! Here we go for new adventures!
See ya !
I submit !
General | Posted 15 years agoSo I decide to submit some art here. But my Full art are on DA http://blackby.deviantart.com/
Anthropomorphic gallery: http://blackby.deviantart.com/galle.....Antropomorphic
Krystal's gallery: http://blackby.deviantart.com/galle.....Krystal-s-pics
Dragon gallery: http://blackby.deviantart.com/gallery/#Dragons
Portfolio: http://blackby.daportfolio.com/
Facebook fan group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=260091532321
On facebook, some sketchs and news ;)
Anthropomorphic gallery: http://blackby.deviantart.com/galle.....Antropomorphic
Krystal's gallery: http://blackby.deviantart.com/galle.....Krystal-s-pics
Dragon gallery: http://blackby.deviantart.com/gallery/#Dragons
Portfolio: http://blackby.daportfolio.com/
Facebook fan group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=260091532321
On facebook, some sketchs and news ;)
Hi every body !
General | Posted 16 years agoHello ! I'm Black_Berry from Deviant Art : http://blackby.deviantart.com/
I'm here only for appreciate furry art, not to post (maybe later ?)
I'm here only for appreciate furry art, not to post (maybe later ?)
