Now on Patreon: Come support me!
Now on Ko-fi: Come buy me a ko-fi!

I'm advertising here since it's not really getting much attention from my other account.

http://www.livestream.com/ramenn00dle

Taking pay what you want commissions and such.

 ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle

I moved! All my art is at the new account! I haven't moved a lot of what's in this gallery. I don't plan on removing -anything-..so it'll all stay. But nothing else will be uploaded here for quite a while.

 ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle

I moved! All my art is at the new account! I haven't moved a lot of what's in this gallery. I don't plan on removing -anything-..so it'll all stay. But nothing else will be uploaded here for quite a while.

 ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle ramen.noodle

I moved! All my art is at the new account! I haven't moved a lot of what's in this gallery. I don't plan on removing -anything-..so it'll all stay. But nothing else will be uploaded here for quite a while.

I leave tomorrow morning. Bright and early - 15 hour drive. We're heading to Chesapeake and Virginia Beach. gonna be there about a week and then heading up to RI and MA. Might stop through some other places. Also, on the way back we hit South Carolina for South of the Border. Then its home. We'll be gone roughly 2 weeks. x.x;

AND IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY GO WATCH ME AT  ramen.noodle

Haven't seen many people follow me over to the other account. I'm at  ramen.noodle

I'll be clearing out this account probably when I return from vacation.

And also. Who all lives in Virginia, Rhode Island or Massachussetts? That's where I'll be going.

Pay What You Want LiveStream---



STREAM LINK FOUND HERE

http://www.livestream.com/ramenn00dle


ALSO LOOKING FOR TRUSTED PEOPLE I CAN HAVE AS A MODERATOR JUST IN CASE.
Livestream and Freebie Rules! Failure to +
ollow them will result in consequences.

Here's the deal. I'm offering a PWYW livestream for a few hours tonight. Shoot me a price and I'll tell you what I'll do for it. These will mostly be a wing-it type. I won't accept payment until after the initial sketch is approved. They will be finished during the stream unless something comes up (weather, or other interuptions)..in which case they WILL be finished within 24-48 hours.
A basic idea on what you can get, Based on One character

$5.00-$10.00 - Fully colored Bust or Full Body colored Sketch
$10.00-$15.00 - Black/White Ink full body, Flat color Full Body
$15.00-$20.00 - Fully colored full body with simple background with some props depending.
Rated R, extra detail, wings, props and backgrounds, as well as characters raise the possible price. Just discuss it with me when I ask for it.

IN REGARDS TO FREEBIES:

Please read this information.
Since I've moved to this account most of my watchers did not migrate with me. Which means I'd like to build my watcher's list again.
This is what I'm going to do to try to boost new watchers and just to get things rollin'.
Go ahead and advertise my account ramen.noodle ramen.noodle . Don't just say "Go watch her" actually describe it. Say that I've got PWYW stream going on right now. Link to a few pictures you happen to like. Don't be vague..actually say something.
Now. When you do this, link back in a comment what you advertised. After I get enough started I'll start pulling randomly from the list of people who did this. Mind you the freebie will only be a sketched headshot/bust (maybe colored if I feel up to it) in a color of your choosing..but it is something. I will try to make sure everyone who did this gets one.

The thing though is that you have to be a watcher and you have to advertise. You must also make sure you visit the stream tonight to be added to the list. I'll be doing a roll call. nd it's not one of those "Watch until I get mine" type deals..The freebies will be heavily watermarked for a decent amount of time. I don't want those "Get and run" deals. I hate that. If you want a freebie you have to be sincere about it. After I see that you have stuck around I will go ahead and give you an unwatermarked version (that still has my signature). This may be after a week or longer..and if you still unwatch me after that, then I will then add you to the "No gift/freebie" list I will start making. I hate to do this but I have been had many issues with this sort of thing.

Freebies may not all be done tonight. This may be done over the course of a time. Freebies are not my priority - commissions and real life are.
Anyways, hope to see you all there!


STREAM LINK FOUND HERE

http://www.livestream.com/ramenn00dle


ALSO LOOKING FOR TRUSTED PEOPLE I CAN HAVE AS A MODERATOR JUST IN CASE.

I was told pretty much that there shouldn't be a reason why I wouldn't be accepted since I already have an AA. But actually SEEING the acceptance. Yah, that's awesome.

Just got the email about my award for financial aid. I still have to turn in one piece of paperwork and that hsould fix it but I did get some! Hopefully it'll work out to cover ALL my financial stuffs.

OMG so excited. i'm going back to school in August :D

ALSO IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT GO FOLLOW ME AT  ramen.noodle Seriously! Only a few people have gone there!

In a week this account will be no more! I decided I'ma delete everything off after saving it all. I may not deactivate the act but it will be empty.

http://www.furaffinity.net/full/13158880/ It's explained in here.

More or less - wasn't gonna do commissions but after getting my past few paychecks and doing some thinking..There's no way that I can pay off my bills/debts and save up for a tablet and my trip. I'll be broke with barely anything to even put in my gas tank.

So i gotta do something. These busts are easy to do and don't take TOO terribly long. They're also something I can do with pencil/paper if push comes to shove. Anyways, info is in the submission. Go there. PLEASE

This is another character I will not be using anymore.

Soo..I'll be posting her for sale on my other account. I'll still post details here though.

She only has three images. I will link them here once I finish reuploading them to the other account.

I'm not sure how much I will be asking. I'll probably start a bid on her with an autobuy option.

GO HERE http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5652310/

So i've begun moving stuff over to the new account at  ramen.noodle ...I've uploaded new images and still have some things to put there.

My question to everyone is this...what art should I move over there from this account? Should I move unbought adoptables, YCH (which idk if I'd do right now or not), or what? Any of my photography?

Oh, and eventually I shall upload all the art I've ever gotten from people there once I can find it all. All the art not mine will be moved to scraps after its uploaded. All credit will be given of course.

But yeah. Let me know what pictures YOU guys think I should move. i don't plan on moving everything - and I don't plan on removing anything from this account. I'll keep it open. I'll check it now and again for new notes/comments and such and because I am watching so many darn people it'll be a pain to rewatch them all. But, for the most part, I won't be uploading anymore here. I'll put up occassional journals to remind people to go back to my other account though but that's it.

Soo..I sortta decided on a new fursona but I'm not ready to reveal her quite yet to everyone. She was a character I already had - actually an adoptable someone gave me. I really enjoy drawing her and she's fun.

Anyways, I decided, that for my new account...the name wouldn't be based on the 'sona I chose. Instead I wanted it to have nothing to do with her/him in case I decide to change again. Sooo..

I went with an old nick name. Yeah, it kinda derived from "rami"..but it also came from a nickname my parents gave me. I LOVE PASTA. I fucking LOVE it. Ramen, spagetti, elbow, macaroni, omg I love it all. It is my food. I can eat it for days.

So for the sheer fun of it I checked and "Ramen Noodle" was available. But, I decided to go with "Ramen.Noodle" instead.

Yeah. My new FA is  Ramen.Noodle LOL

So over the next few days I will be moving certain things over there. My commission account and login/messenger names will all remain the same since I can more or less change my display name. I'm not gonna go through the hassle of registering 50 million new accounts. x.x....

So, finished my registration and FASFA today. I'll find out soon what I qualify for plus if I get accepted into the college. Wish me luck on that.

Also. Either I'm giving off a signal for radar or something because..seriously.

I haven't been single THREE WEEKS and I have creepers trying to ask me out. A 47 year old dude I knew via karaoke asked me out on a date. This is after he tried to impress me (rather creepily) at karaoke on Sunday when he asked me how I was doing. Okay, that's fine and all.

What's not fine is when he goes into detail about Crime scene techs, autopsies, and how he likes looking at dead bodies and that psycho killers fascinate him. That he's done research on said psycho killers - including ones who wear their victim's flesh on their face. That he's a good detective and could decipher exactly what happened just like any other detective. ~__________~

OKAY CREEPER STOP TALKING!!...but he didn't. Then he at least went onto a better topic. Horror movies. Okay, that I can deal with. Until he tried to impress me with "I know the guy who owns one of the original Christine cars."....okay? Then he went on and on about cars and some other stuff. I tried to show I wasn't interested. I kept looking away and looking at my phone. I'm sorry. I tried to be nice. I'm too nice sometimes.

Then he said we should hang out. Go to lunch. That sort of stuff. I said "Maybe, but I've been pretty busy lately."...and yeah. Then I said something about needing to go home and we did. (I had brought my friend Teddy with me). >______<

Fast forward to yesterday. So he's on my facebook. No big surprise - he's friends with quite a few of mine. He would have been able to find me anyway. It's why I didn't bother giving him the run around. Again, I'm too nice of a person. Skip forward some more. He messages me and asks how I was doing. Said something about getting some job and an extra shift. Which would make things more difficult for his karaoke DJ business. He said something about coming to visit him at karaoke this weekend and he'd treat me out to a late night meal. x_____X; I said "I'm busy for the next two days and I may be busy this weekend, I don't know." He said "Okay, what about a day date? Like a movie or something. Whatever trips your trigger.".....

FUCK YOU CREEPER STALKER DUDE. I said flat out "Sorry, but I'm not really interested in dating right now or for some time. I work during the days anyway." and he said consider it two nice people hanging out.

Again, I apologized and said "I'm really just not ready to be dating. And even if I was ready, I won't be dating guys any time soon. If I date anyone, when I'm ready, it's gonna be a girl." he said 'point taken'..then said something else about driving by my work and waving. CREEPY.

He said something else about understanding how I was feeling. I told him "Okay. Well, we were together 3 years and dealt with a lot of stuff. Yesterday actually marked the one year of when I had the miscarriage and surgery. He then admitted that he did like me and hoped I would one day give him a chance..and that he would try to behave. He emphasized 'try'.

Motherfucking creeper stalkers. He's 47. 22 years older than I am. He opened up with 'dead bodies and psycho killers' in a sense. He is by no means attractive to me. Not just hell no but FUCK no.

I'm sorry if I seem a little insensitive but seriously. It hasn't even been a month. And I get this.

I'm sorry but.

I DO NOT WANT TO DATE RIGHT NOW. I don't want a relationship. I may not even want another relationship with a guy. I don't know. It's too fucking soon and I don't like having my personal space invaded so freaking soon. ._.


Anyways, tonight, Captain America. I hope creeper dude doesn't show up. D>SFKLSJDFLSKJDF"KSJDF

Attempting. Internet is being finicky and so is my tablet so we'll see how far it goes.

I'm not doing any sort of..commissions or anything. Donations are accepted. I'll do a few sketches for something like that I guess and ONLY if my net and tablet continue to work. Only gonna do an hour or so just to see how things work.

http://www.livestream.com/ramichan - Music is playing!

So, yes, I've kept myself busy since the break up.

I'm going out with friends a lot more. Trying to stay busy and keep my mind off things. Been trying to doodle while my tablet allows me to. I've managed to put out a few things..but things that could take me like an hour or two now takes 6+ because the tablet just runs...differently. I don't think its because I'm on a new PC (i'll explain about that in a bit)...because it runs the same on my laptop. The pen did fall apart after all.

Anyways, I have a new PC. My laptop was dying. I assumed my tablet issues were because of it (but apparently they're not)...and I needed a replacement. I used my tax refund and built (well had help) a gaming rig. I love this thing. It's pretty good at keeping me distracted. I can play any game now I want - not necessarily on high/ultra settings but still. I can play game I couldn't before.

Also, I will be uploading the few pics I have managed to do ..and will even post what i -HAD- done of the prepose before things went to hell. I have a few things i've done using the new PC - the rest is on my laptop which..I better upload and back up before the thing actually burns out. I'm hoping a reinstall will fix most of the issues but..there's still things that need to be replaced. The battery, the power cord, etc...

Ugh. I have so much stuff to catch up on. But, I have the time now. I just gotta think positive - I now have time to do whatever I want without having to worry about someone else. This week, for instance, is gonna be busy busy busy.

Between boxing and work, Wednesday night I'll be going with a bunch of friends to a local dance club for "Drink and Drown"..where, yep, I'll be getting drunk. (Don't worry, I'll have a DD). Thursday, if I'm not too hung over, I'll be heading up to the local University to start registration/application processes. That particular night I'll be going to the new captain america movie with my best friend/sister. Probably dinner in between. Then I think somebody else wanted my accompaniment this weekend but I can't remember.

Oh, on top of all this, my mom and I are fostering 4 2 week old kittens we found yesterday. I know where the mom is at but she had them in a not so pleasant spot. They were also so high up and already crawling around that if they fell they'd die. I tried to capture mom - almost had her - but she managed to escape. So, I think, this weekend I'm also going to find a live trap and try to trap her. If we can't get her to take the kittens back then we'll continue fostering them till they're old enough to go to the humane society. We'll still trap her though and I'm already looking around for a "Spay and release" program for our area.

And another update. My car. Oh god my car. It died on me Saturday. I turned a corner and it just shut off and I rolled off to the side of the road. Then it refused to start. According to my gauge I still had enough gas for quite some time. apparently the gauge is broken. Although, my car still refused to start even after we put gas into it. It even started to smell funny. It's old though..it's a 97 with over 200,000 miles on it and it's slowly been going down hill all year. I have to manually shift sometimes because it'll try to sputter out when I hit the gas. The brakes will randomly give out and the car will try to die. Yeah. It's old. I'm putting money aside on top of everything else to hopefully get a new one soon. ._.

Argh. So yeah. I'll upload a few things tonight. I'm going to attempt a livestream and see how well my tablet does for basic doodles. If it works it works...here ove rthe course of this week I'll transfer everything from my laptop to my new desktop and see if I can work on some stuff. Blah.

Everything changes over time. you may not want it to, but it does. We all change. Sometimes its good, other times it isn't so good. But we deal. We keep on going forward because that's all we can do. Some cannot handle changes and often times they give up. I'm not that kind of person anymore. I have been trying so hard to keep going. I often times have been held back.
I have been through hell and back this past year. This time last year I found out i was pregnant. A happy surprise that turned into a nightmare. My body turned on me. I was in agonizing pain. Then, on April 2nd, the doctors took the pain away. During my surgery, my doctor also took part of my body away. Not only did I have a miscarriage, but we then found out I had a tumor.

It all happened so fast I was scared. I tried to distract myself. I put up a front like I usually do. It's how I cope sometimes. Eventually my fears went away. Things moved on. Time kept going forward. We moved, I went back to work.

I still had faint paints that still reminded me of what was lost...but at least it didn't turn out bad. The tumor was benign, but it could happen again. I may never be able to have children. That's the fear that stayed and still hangs over my head. I'm aware I can always adopt..that's fine. I can always rely on that. But my fears are still there...and not just because of the tumor. All the females in my family have had serious health issues with their reproductive organs and abdomen. My older sisters have both had complete histerectomies before the age of 40. One is permanently disabled at the age of 35 because of various tumors and having so many surgeries.

I am scared. I am 25 and have already had one tumor and an ovary removed. Yet, I still keep going. It's a burden I am forced to hold alone. Yeah, I had some comfort in my fiance - but in the end it was my body. However..things haven't been the same since the surgery. Or even the pregnancy. I know he was scared. He admitted that. I was pushed away. I tried my hardest to keep things going but it continued to get worse. It never got better. I grew distant with myself in an attempt to focus on trying to just..get our relationship back. I tried to get into art - which is where some of those projects came in - only to lose hope and almost giv eup when my tablet eventually started to die. Nothing was going right.

So i tried to better myself. I started eating better, exercising..Hell, I lost 9 inches and started to feel and look better.I tried to destress and move on. I tried to fix things. But..in the end, it was really only one-sided. I was doing all the changing. I was changing for him, not for myself. And I was still being pushed away. I felt like I was the only one who really cared - even though he begged me not to give up. I never did. In the end, he gave up. I was asked, and wondered, if maybe there was someone else. I want to believe there wasn't.

I talked to many people after the break up. Everything I heard...it made me realize - it really was only one-sided. At least to me nayway. It felt like I was the only one making an effort. I should have seen it coming early on. The day of my surgery was scarey and stressful. It went fine and they let me go home..but I was still stressed and upset. I was staying with my mom. I expected that he would want to come see me as soon as he got out of work. I was wrong. He was out with friends. The excuse was he had to 'destress' or whatever it was...yet he didn't even bother to call or text me to see how I was doing. I had to make that call. I find out after the break up...well, there were other instances when i was in the ER and trying to get him to come with me because I was having complications (this was prior to finding out it was a miscarriage)..and he didn't care because he was with friends. That when he was with friends he has purposely ignored my calls and texts.This is only heresay but the fact it doesn't surprise me and sounds like him..yeah. Maybe I'm just being selfish in this regards but..that whole ordeal hurt me. And now its hurting me again a year later. Then i find out that long before this break up he had planned on breaking up with me yet he never said why..or even brought up any issues with me. Yet, whenever I brought up issues with him- somehow it would get thrown in my face and it would become my fault. I had to be the one to change. so I did. I tried. Yet it wasn't enough. I was still always doing something wrong. It was never enough.

This is how I have felt. It never mattered. because now matter how much I opened up - it turned into a "Well, what about -me?- what about how -i- feel?" ..Which resulted in me keeping things in despite the always "Don't keep it in." ....It was always back and forth. There's so much more too..but..I gotta stop going into it. I don't want to make him the bad guy. I'm ranting. I'm getting it off my chest. This is all how I've personally felt after hearing what I've heard and everything over the past year.

And this is why I've been so dead here. I feel horrible. I've been stressed out all the time. I'm stronger now, but I still have a ways to go. I'm not going to be held back anymore. I'm not going to change who I am for someone. I'm tired of that. I'm not going to put myself into a position like I did with him. If I'm going to change, it's going to be for myself.

And this is where I'm at now. It IS time for a change. A better change. I'm doing it for myself and not anyone else. I have to prepare for a future that could be good or could be bad.

And for the bad news...In order to change, in order to better myself...I have to let go of some of my past. That means, Rami has to go. I have to rediscover myself and holding onto that side of me..holding onto the past..it's going to keep me stuck. There's a history with her both good and bad...and I'll take the good with me but I still have to leave the bad behind. I have to start fresh. I will miss her. I gotta do this though. With that being said, I'm still deciding on a replacement. I've had a few ideas...but so far nothing has stuck. Until I make a decision, I'll stick around on this account. I'll upload here until I decide. Then, when a decision is made - I will be leaving this account behind.

In regards to overdue commissions and anything I owe people. I am so so so sorry. You have no diea how much it has killed me not being able to finish the commissions. I've been afraid and stressed about trying to contact you guys. It has killed me. I will make it up to you. I udnerstand if you hate me and never trust me again. I will still try to make it right. I'll refund what I owe..(it will be in increments though while I get caught up on numerous other things)..and what I do have completed (and will probably continue to complete) I'll give to you. I've only been able to work so much on it with my tablet the way it is. I'm surprised I've gotten it to hold on this long. (Just last week the pen literally fell apart and I had to put it together. The fact it is still working..barely..is a miracle.) Again, i'm sorry. I will refund you and send at least the partially completed piece.

With that being said..I'm not putting myself in a 'big project' type thing again. Even when I get a working tablet and I am well on my way to becoming a better me. It'll be a very long time. Especially not when my tablet is as funky as it is now. Maybe when I replace it I'll attempt to do my livestream commissions again...And stick to that. For now..there's only so much i can do.
On brighter notes..I have decided to go back to school. I'm going to apply in the next week to the local University for a BA in art. What particular field of art I'm not sure but I'll figure it out. I've also decided about maybe minoring in art education and becoming an art teacher. It's an idea. Baby-steps..but steps nonetheless.

I know my stresses/life problems probably aren't as severe as some but we all deal with stress and problems differently. I've been told by a few friends they are surprised at just how strong I'vve become in the past year. I'm trying. Holy hell I am trying.

I'd like to thank everyone who has helped me over the past couple of weeks. Not everyone is on here but there are a few. Without you guys I would be in a much worse place. I wouldn't be as strong as I am now. Direct shout outs go to

 mattakushinzu Thank you for being there for me and letting me cry and talk to you for those few hours on the phone that particular night. You didn't have to do that and you made me feel so much better.

 whitewolfessaya For being my best and most loyal and trusted friend for over 12 years. You are my sister and always will be. Without you by my side I'd be nowhere. Seriously. I'd be nothing. I can always count on you. I love you. Thank you for everything.

 tsuki579 Even though I didn't talk to you directly, Mattaku did tell me what you said and it made me feel better. Thank you for that. :)

 usaden For letting me talk and rant and let it all out in the PM's. For talking sense into me when I wasn't thinking straight.

My IRL family: They aren't on here, but this is still to them. I have had my differences and issues with them but when push comes to shove - I know I can rely on them. They came to my rescue the moment there was a threat to my saftey. They got me out of there even though I didn't want to leave. They helped me move and get out and get safe. I love them dearly and wouldn't change anything for the world...even if they sometimes annoy the crap out of me.

To everyone else who has shown support and helped me through all of the bad times. Recently and in the past. You guys have been awesome. Thank you all so much.

Also, please, guys, do not go and harass my ex. We are on...speakable terms. Not necessarily good but its civil. I'm not bashing him. At least, i'm trying not to. I just voiced how I felt. I'm sure he has his own side of the styory too.

And, in regards to me being single again - yeah. I'm staying single for quite some time. It's going to be very hard for me to trust my heart in someone else's hands. Especially guys right now. Which means...whenever I do feel I'm ready, I may explore my bisexuality a bit and maybe try dating women. I think at this point most guys just can't handle the kinda person I am. I think maybe a girl could.
Anyways, I'm not dead. I'm doing okay. I'm better than I was two weeks ago. I'm moving on. It's gonna be hard..but, time keeps moving. Things will change. They always do.

And a reminder - when I decide on my replacement fursona, I will let you all know. I'll stick around here on this account for now.

And to those I owe - please send me a note if I don't note you back. That way we can discuss things.

And, to end on a lighter note...I'm taking a vacation with my mom up to Chesapeake, VA and then to Massachussetts and Rhode Island. I think we're oging through either NC or SC as well and stopping somewhere. This'll be towards the end of April/beginning of May and we'll be gone anywhere from 2-4 weeks. If anyone wants to meet up for lunch one day, give me a holler.

For now, <3 Always :
The Girl Who is Rediscovering herself. (Lol. Felt like doing that.)

We have internet again. Unfortunately I've noticed over the past week or so it has gotten progressively harder to make my tablet work. I think it is finally ready to retire.

I've had this tablet since Christmas of 2006. I've never had to replace the pen tip. I've only had to replace the cord and that was it. I have had it through all my stages of drawing and it has played a vital part in my art at school.

I hate to say it but I love this damn thing. Without it I seriously wouldn't have made it to where I am now. I'd still be using a mouse in MS paint...seriously. That's where I was before I got this damn thing.

Anyways, what's going on is that I think the port on the tablet is finally gone. The cord itself works perfectly but just the slightest movement will send an error and my computer will tell me that it cannot recognize the USB device.

No, it's not my USB ports. I have double checked with other USB type things like my external hard drive, my phone, camera, and some other things. They all work -fine-. But my tablet has gotten to the point where it will even cut out in the middle of art work.

Boo.

So I may have to say goodbye to it soon. Thankfully I have a back up - no idea how well it'll work since i'll have too program it to my computer. It doesn't have an eraser - which'll set me back a bit because I'm used to having one. It's the tablet I bought my fiancee during our first Christmas together.

Hopefully it works decently. It will not be a permanent fix though. Once I finish and upload the BWB piece I'll be working towards more art commissions to save up for a better tablet. I kinda want to get an upgrade. I'm looking at a tablet-PC...or something. I haven't quite decided. I mean, my laptop is about ready to be replaced too...but I can hold off on that until I replace the tablet depending on how I go about it.

Anyways, RIP tablet. You will be missed. :(

Not surgery in the sense I'm getting sliced up...but there is another surgical procedure I'm having done tomorrow.

It's more of a precautionary thing after all the stuff going on with my sisters. My oldest sister had a colonoscopy and they found a cancerous polyp which they removed..not to mention all the problems my other sister has had. And then of course MY issue that was already taken care of.

No rest for the siblings in my family I guess. Their doctor both recommended that just to be safe I go ahead and get this done too. Soo...today sucks. NO solid foods. All liquid. Starting about 3 I am gonna hate life for the rest of the day. My appointment is tomorrow at 3, gotta be there at 2. Then if I can handle it, I'm gonna go eat. And eat.

Cuz I am so freaking hungry right now. Ive had two large bowls of chicken broth and like five popsicles on top of some water. I'm going to get soda later (as much as I hate to..but they did say that's okay) to help curb the hunger pains. I hate this.

Blergh.

Anyways, quick heads up. I have very limited internet. Leaching from some neighbors....it sucks ass. But, I guess, until we get our own set up I gotta deal.

Still been working on that BWB thing. Haven't been able to get as much done as I anticipated due to work and some other personal issues but I'm getting there. This weekend I'm not working so maybe I can knock it almost entirely out by then. The rest of the day I'll need some distractions so maybe I can get that done.

Blehp.

HATE HATE HATE this. But it's necessary. Let's hope they don't find anything, yah? Otherwise, normal procedure..just hate today. fffff.

Sorry I haven't been on. The fiancee and I recently moved into a bigger better place (more quiet and safer too)...and unfortunately our internet didn't transfer with us since they don't support u-verse over there. We're trying to figure out our options. Cox is a big HELL no. So we have to figure out what else we can do.

I'm about half way done with the BWB piece. I haven't worked on it in a few days though since we literally moved less than a week ago and we're still unpacking and getting settled.

Let me tell you, moving in THREE days while still working in between was tough. Especially since I still can't lift anything over 15 pounds. I had to rely on my fiancee, my mom, one of my best friends and our future roommate.

But, we're out of that old place and into a new one.

Also, I'm opening for some small easy to do commissions during this internet down time. It'll give me something to do in between working on the BWB piece.

I'll post something up in a day or two about that but if you are interested in something let me know. =)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10420333/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10420333/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10420333/

I really need help getting these places paid for. I would have been ok if only ONE I needed to use for my characters but now I have two spots and I can't exactly use two of my characters.

I had already worked out something with my fiancee for one which would have taken my own character out - which is perfectly fine. But now I have two. I really need these poses bought - I have someone offering to buy it next week if it's not sold but that still leaves one.

Please spread the word. Money is super super tight. I have a credit card payment due, gas to put in my car, a phone bill to pay towards the end of the month and I'm expecting the electric bill to show up soon. Not to mention I need to get groceries.I only worked about 11 hours this week and I won't get the paycheck till either this Friday or next. My hours are still only part time right now until I'm fully recovered. I'm barely able to handle 4 hours right now.

Please spread the word or something. There is also a couple of prepose doodles up that I was hoping would sell but none got interest.

I'm going to start work on the paid for spots soon. These'll take me a while as I'm not going to rush through them. In between I'll work on other stuff so I don't burn myself out on them.

So yeah, please help. Please spread the word or something. I even have other commissions open.

So a couple of updates, besides the auction thingy.

I had my follow up appointment today and the doctor released me back to work (part time, light duty) until I'm fully healed.I went back to work today but only for about 3.4 hours...that's literally all I could handle it seems. After that amount of time being on my feet and moving around and doing things...my left side started hurting and becoming sore. Boss only wanted me there two hours but she said if I could handle it I could go longer.

Anyways, I have good news and bad news.

The doctor told me the pathology came back on both the d&c and on my cyst/ovary. The d&c was definitely needed as his suspicions were correct - there was no fetus developing. There was conception but no actual baby. The bad news is that what he removed (my cyst/ovary) was actually a benign tumor. Apparently what I have is a rare type of tumor and there is only a 15% chance it could spread to my other ovary. This is why my entire ovary needed to be replaced..because it wasn't just a cyst. The whole thing had become a tumor. The good news is that it is not cancer.

This is still worrysome/bothersome because my sister, who isn't even 40 yet, has had 5 surgeries in the past year because SHE had a rare tumor that continuously grew. Doctor says hers was benign/cancer free but it still randomly grows in random places.

This is incentive, she told me, to talk to a Geneologist and find out what the heck is going on with the girl sin my family and why now all three of us (both my older sisters) are having these problems. Both my sisters were in their 30's before their problems started.

I'm 24 and already had a tumor removed. I now have one ovary...with a 15% chance of my last ovary contracting the same thing.

Both my sisters (hell even my boss) all said that once I'm recovered and the doctor says its okay - I should start trying again. It'll already be harder now with one and we don't want to wait too long and then loose our chances at having our own family.

It sucks. It really does. Thankfully the doctor did tell us that once my pregnancy test turns negative we can immediately start and it won't hurt my recovery. We're not going to rush into anything...we need to save up money and find a better safer place to raise our kids...and I now have a new personal goal which I need to stick with and will probably need the support through it.

I'm going back to the 'diet' thing...but with a bit more restrictions to it. I'm also going to start exercising as best as I can as soon as possible. I've already lost 10 pounds since before the surgery so that's good. If I can loose 20-30 pounds then I think I'll be okay to start trying again. While we're trying I'll continue to try to loose the weight but once I find out I'm pregnant I'll cut back on the weight loss and focus more on being healthy for the baby.

I am nervous but also motivated. I -have- to do this. Not only if I want to have a healthy baby but so I can be healthy myself. I want to see if I can prevent any more ovarian problems from popping up and any other problems. I mean come on..my sister is not even 40 and has had 5 major surgeries in the past year. They removed a grape-fruit sized tumor plus a few smaller ones that had completely rearranged her internal organs in her abdomen. She's in constant pain and at the doctors just about every week.

I don't want that if I can help it. I know the pain she was in...I was in hell for about a week prior to surgery (even though I probably sounded like I was okay). The pain was unbearable. I cried every night because it hurt. I don't think I could keep going through that with more issues.


It suuuucks.


In lighter news, my doctor told me I'll have a "Harry Potter Lightning Bolt Scar" because of the surgery. And it'st rue..I looked at the incision and it's all neat looking. He said it would have been better looking but because what they pulled out was bigger than they originally thought..they had to make additional cuts.

I'm not going to post pictures because it'll probably gross most of you out but if you want to see it I can upload something to photobucket. It looks all weird now because there's still glue on it but you can see what he was tlaking about. My other two incisions are doing great - the belly button is almost entirely healed and the other smaller one is just kinda red..the scab fell off a few days ago.

I need help spreading the word. THe raffle apparently was a bust and I"m having a hard time finding someone interested in the final position in the BWB picture. I have it set to a 'buy it now' before somebody bids on it and still no luck.

My only concern is that if the position isn't filled I won't be able to complete the project as a whole..and people would only be getting one image until the whole thing is fully complete.

I mean, I could take out the final un-bought pose but it would take away from the actual group picture.

There's less than a day left too.

Buy it now on the auction will be a bit delayed. Just had dr apt now caught up on errands