I've noticed people still following me here in FA, so I felt like I needed to restate what I've said previously: I'm not posting on here anymore. Or at the very least, until FA gets it's shit together.

At the moment, this account is more or less only used for lurking and the occasional fav, but otherwise it'll be inactive. You're better off following me at Itaku: https://itaku.ee/profile/saunasaur

Related to the previous journal, I got around to moving my shit over to Itaku, along with some new stuff:
https://itaku.ee/profile/saunasaur

I won't be posting here for the foreseaable future, or until FA gets it's shit together. In the mean time, Itaku will be my main outlet.

I know I haven't posted anything in quite a while, and the reason is very simple: I got fed up with FurAffinity.

What broke the camel's back for me was the "fix" or the "upgrade" of the old submission upload size limit of 1280x1280 to the new one 2560x1440. I consider it more a stealth downgrade and a ploy to get people to suscribe to FA+, than an actual fix.

In the past, people could reupload their image in a high resolution and bypass the original limit, and this bug had been there and well known for well over a decade. The fact that it only got fixed now, and replaced with a limit that is laughable considering the size limits other sites offer only points at the fact that this is a bandwidth/budget saving measure, not a real upgrade. The fact that this was marketed as an upgrade felt insincere. I had been already been pinching my nose when uploading stuff here due to how decrepit the site feels nowadays, but I tolerated it because the options have been so poor. Well, not anymore. Currently I'm pretty much only using FA to follow artists, rather than post anything, because not only do I not want to drive any more traffic here, I wouldn't wanna waste their precious goddamn bandwidth.

Now, you might be thinking: "where can we find your stuff?"

Well, nowhere. I have no other gallery right now. I still haven't found acceptible alternatives, so rather than choose "the least worst option" of public NSFW art galleries, I'm simply not posting stuff anywhere publicly. Because that is an option, too.

This isn't a spur of the moment thing or something that just started, I just... kind of de facto made that decision, when everytime in the past few months I would think of uploading something, my head just went UGGGHHH instead. This is simply the first time I make any kind of public fuss about it.

So yeah.

Oh, so you're gonna draw something, are you? You? After all this time? Really? Oh please, you don't really wanna draw. Just look at all the effort you put forth to avoid doing it. All that procrastination, avoiding it... you got better things to do anyway. It's been months since you published anything, maybe it's better you just stop.

Right, so you picked up the Cintiq pen anyways. Fuck it. What are you gonna draw now? Huh? Drawing a blank there, champ? Didn't you have a list of things you intend to draw eventually? Never, more like it.

But entertain me, it's fun watching you go through the same motions as always. Pick an idea. I'm waiting.

No, not that one, you're not feeling it. Not that one either. No, that one isn't fun either. And you're not in the mood for that either, despite the 100 word horny description you wrote just a week ago. And no, you don't wanna draw that one either.

Man, you're picky, aren't you? Well, why not ask for ideas from others? Oh, that's right, they want their OC drawn bigger than what you've ever drawn. Push beyond your limits this time, they say, go crazy. Bigger, bigger! That's what they always say, don't they?

You're just gonna get swamped in requests, and then people will call you out for being unfair for not picking their request. And you probably don't wanna draw their idea anyways. Besides, you know you're worried that people do not, in fact, swamp you with ideas, like you're a super star. More likely you'll get radio silence, so why bother?

And what about all the unfinished projects you've got, hmm? Check your backlog, you lazy bum. You still got pictures from years ago that you said you'd finish some day. Why don't you work on those? You should start from those. And no, I will not let that go. Stop working on that quick, fun idea you had. Stop it, you irresponsible little shitgoblin. Don't even think I'll give you any satisfaction from a single line you draw until you've cleared out everything else.

And what's that? You're still gonna draw that little thing, and not anything else? Well then, alright... wait, are you hungry? You could go for a snack. Or a refill on your drink? I bet you need some kickass background music or some nice podcast to fill the silence. Can't start drawing before you do that.

So what album are you gonna pick? No, not that one. Not that one either. No, you're not in the mood for that. Oh hey, youre in the mood for that, but not this album in particular, that one you've heard a million times, you need something else. Maybe you should check the podcasts, too. Check out the frontpage of youtube while you're at it, maybe there's some cool videos you're gonna check out first.

Oh wait, it's getting late. Maybe you'll draw in the morning, then? We both know you're always soooo inspired right before you fall asleep, right when all those cool ideas flood your brain as you doze off. And now it's morning! Wakey wakey, sleepyhead! Gotta have your morning coffee and sandviches first. And you just know you wanna check out the news first, before anything else. Oh look, no more time for drawing. You fucked it up again!

No wait. You actually did a thing. You sketched up something. You took an idea, put it to canvas, and now you've got WIP picture. Look at it. Do you feel accomplished? Of course not. It's fucking horrible! Your quality is dropping like a fucking stone. You wanted it to perfect, no fuck that, better than perfect, with less time and effort than what you did before. You failed. You're a failure.

Ok, so you're gonna try to fix it. Sure, sure. You've done this before. But do you really wanna? Come on. You got that another idea you wanna do first. Ah, but you'll still gonna splash in some color, try to shade it. You don't know what you're really doing, do you? Look at it, it's a mess. You hate it. They'll hate it. Give up already.

And what now, you're done? Took your sweet ass time, now did you? You think *that* is done? Are you actually gonna show that to someone?

To who, exactly?

You sure as hell aren't gonna post that publicly anywhere, so maybe to someone privately? Nah. You'll make an ass out of yourself. And you know you are being unfair if you show this piece of shit to just one person. Why him? Why not everyone? Why are you stingy about it? Why take sides? Better not show it to anyone, sit on it, bury it.

And behold, your backlog has grown again. Why didn't you just finish your old work? Oh that's right, it's shit.

How many of your "grand plans" have failed so far, hmm?

What about the plan to actually share your old stuff that you took down in a fit of drunken anger for... whatever? Oh yeah, you're too lazy to upload it anywhere, too lazy to setup a Google Drive for your content or too stingy pay for more storage on your existing ones. Besides, that old stuff isn't indicative of the quality you put out now. If someone liked your old shit, they're wrong. Besides, what would you get out of it if you shared it? Why would you share it? Why? Just don't, no one cares.

What about your idea of diversifying your presence to other websites? You hate how decrepit FA is already. That's one of the reasons why don't upload more often, isn't it? You hate that it's so outdated, so you just choose not to submit anything. You want to support network effects on platforms that are worth someting. Of course, you know that you could just use Postybirb like everyone else. Oh, of course you're not lazy, you have "stantards"! Let's do a recap on those.

Weasyl? Pfft, no one uses that. FurryNetwork? Who cares. Pillowfort? Piece of shit security, it'll fail in a year. Twitter? Actively making both the fandom and the internet at large a worse place, fuck that noise. InkBunny? That's for pedos, nuke it from orbit. 4chan? Might as well move into a basement and go cyberbully minorities. DeviantArt? Too hypocritical a gallery to accept themselves as a porn website. Pixiv? Fuck censorship, not gonna bother with separate censored versions. Other websites? Never heard, not worth your time, you're better than that.

You're not gonna get a better platform up and running like some VC funded tech startup, and you're too stingy and lazy to set up a simple Wordpress site with all your stuff either. Hell, you don't even really have an audience, not a proper one! Just look at how much traffic people get on their active Twitters compared to your struggling FA profile. You're a nobody. Why would you care to diversify your presence? To whom?

And look at you thinking about creating yourself a Discord channel. How fucking arrogant of you to think people will line up to fellate your ass just because your doodles gave them one-third an orgasm. Everyone and their cat has a fucking server of their own, with identical fucking channel setups. Use those. Or don't, you're not posting on them anyways. And even if you had your own server, they'll quickly realize you're not the talented artist they thought you were - you're a hack and fraud. Spare yourself and them from a disappointment.

You even entertained the idea of doing commissions again, in the hopes of a financial incentive for finishing things. Cynically profiting from what should be a fun escapism from your daily tedium, that's what whores do. You're a whore. You'll be whoring yourself for mammon instead of doing it for the art like a proper fucking artist should.

It's either that, or just clout, isn't it? That's what you're doing this for, aren't you? To satiate a fragile fucking ego, to fill in that empty void inside of you. To shower in the praise of peers you'll never know or meet. Pump up those numbers all you want, and in the end you're still just drawing smut.

Besides, all of that is irrelevant, because you haven't been able to do it. You can't even get a proper commission plan set up because you don't know your worth. Which we both know is very little. You don't have the balls to charge enough, and yet you're too greedy to charge too little. And you don't even have anything to show for your quality!

So you say no to money, like a fucking moron. People would pay for your stuff, but you're too high and mighty to take it. Or cowardly, since you still haven't resolved your traumas from the dumb way you ran your commissions previously, like the little baby you are.

Internet points it is, then! The "praise" you get, that's what you're after. Emphasis on those quotation marks, by the way. You know they're not being serious about it? They're manipulating you. They pretend to be your fans, to butter you up to draw for them.

Remember when you were simp for that? Remember how you were a fucking simp for a bunch manipulative narcissists and you were too dumb to see it? You were a simp back then, you still are. Don't listen to them. You're in on their game. You smile and thank for the nice things they say like everyone else, but you know behind their fake courtesy there is nothing but utter contempt for you. They don't really like your work, or your OCs, they just wanna use you.

You know you're becoming obsolute? Oh yes, you're well aware of that. You see new upcoming talent popping up here and there, and they're rapidly improving. They're surpassing you, leaving you behind. You're not needed or wanted. Just give them the space you're leaving. Why try? You know you could still draw some of that nice content like you did before, but others do it better. Just focus on playing video games.

And of course, no point talking to anyone about this. Who cares? Really? WAAAH! WAAAH! Gimme a break. What makes your own insecurities and unresolved negativity so special that it has to be aired out? What good will that do? That's not a real problem, not something worth talked about. You write your piece, and most people's eyes will glaze over before they even reach the second paragraph. Why worry them with such negativity? Why would you do that to people? You're a shitty person, you know that?

Wait what, are you really posting thi