I'm 30 today, which means I'm gay-dead I think. Shame. Honestly surprised I've made it this far given the whole *gestures wildly around*

Getting the big CFz post off the page and making it look less like I'm dead.

I really should upload some of that art I keep buying here...

I'm a shameless narcissist and love filling out info about myself.

Where are you staying?
Hilton. Wanted an exec room but they were all out of E&L for that tier :(

Means of transportation?
Train ofc. Makes my entire journey 100% free, although does mean I have to suffer a shitty Voyager.

Sharing a room with::
#

What is your gender?
Male

Relationship Status:
Single, and not really looking

How tall are you?
About 6 foot? I dunno.

How old are you?
27

What day are you getting there?
Around midday Thursday, leaving Wednesday. Only just dawned on me how LONG this con is.

Who will you be with?
A lot of people probably!

Do you have art in the art show?
Nope

Where will you be most of the time during the day?
I really should make a schedule for things shouldn't I?

What suit(s) will you have?
I'll have CD with me for general dragon things, as well as *extensive coughing fit* Umbreon. But that's an (after) Dark type so you won't be seeing it on the con floor.

Can I dance with you?
Like, I guess? I don't really dance though.

Can I touch you?
Ask me first please!

Can I talk to you
Sure!

Can I hug you?
Again, ask first, but most likely yes!

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
Maybe? Always feels kinda awkward when people do that

Can I give you lots of money?
Why would you?

Can I hang out with you?
Probably!

How will I recognize you?
I'm the big blue fluffy dragon with brown hair and droopy wings. Or if I'm not in suit I'm that generic mid-20s white guy with floppy brown hair. You know, 60% of the fandom.

Can I take photos of you/with you?
Of my suit, absolutely! Tag my twitter if you do!

Do you drink Alcohol/Smoke?
Nope, drugs neither.

Attending any events?
Yeah, a whole bunch, I'm on Sched I think.

Other cons you may go to?
Hoping to do Furcation and Scotiacon later on in the year!

Today marks the 1-year anniversary of me taking the plunge and joining the furry_irl Discord, and things pretty much panned out exactly as I was expecting they would. I do indeed look back on those first few months and cringe somewhat, as I knew I would at the time. But since then I've done a whole lot more. I now moderate the Discord server I joined, I run my own Telegram chatroom for UK dragons (hey come say hi!), I went to Scotiacon and am down for attending JFTW next week and Confuzzled in a couple of months' time. I've done meets all over the country, from Manchester to London.

I've made a few hundred quid from selling Telegram stickers (want a thinking animal? Check out my commissions!), I've spent all that money on furry art. I've been able to commission some of my favourite artists, who I've admired from afar for years. I've met and interacted with people I never thought I would. I've found out several people in my non-furry life are actually furries, which is pretty damn funny, and really not what I expected (definitely the weirdest was a work colleague who I bumped into on furry twitter).

It's not been perfect. I've had my down days, I've been morose. I still have legitimately no idea about my sexuality which makes it kind of awkward for the people who come onto me (yeah that sounds like a humblebrag, it isn't). This is despite a number of occasions exploring it with others. If anything that's just left me feeling even weirder.

I don't update my journals very often, but my twitter is pretty active. I'm currently researching furmeet attendance patterns because I figure I might as well use my free rail travel for good rather than evil.

So that's Year 1. Come a long way. Things still aren't perfect, but I think overall I'm in a better position than I was a year ago, and I've got a lot of y'all to thank for that.

So I've not uploaded anything filthy to this page in months now, but it's certainly not that I've not been commissioning the stuff. I like to have little stories to go with them, and I've been feeling some wicked writers' block since about August now, so haven't really been able to stick anything up.

So like, if you're following me for dragon porn, it's coming.

If you're following me for any other reason, um, hi, I guess? I hope you like dragon porn!

Just letting people know, I'm now taking commissions for more thinking creatures - see sergal example here. Decided there's only so many dragons out there and I can actually draw other things, so now I'm doing that.

They're still the same pricing scheme (pwyw, £5 suggested donation), and you still get the hi-res PNG and the 512x512 Telegram sticker PNG, but there's no pack for them to go in so it's up to you what you do with them.

Drop me a note here or on telegram and I'll get you sorted!

Paid my registration and hotel fee, rooming with  dragon.dat

Every day I find new levels of degeneracy to sink to, and attending a furry convention appears to be the latest. Sadly it's highly unlikely my suit'll be done by then, but still, interesting development!

Now to spend the next three months trying not to piss off everyone in the con Telegram chat...

I've been making thinking dragons on twitter and telegram for the last few days - ones like this but customised to individual dragons (see my sona example here).

Kind of a silly thing - originally made the emoji for furry_irl's discord server by combining the Thinking Face and Dragon Face emoji, but I like how it looks so now I'm making more.

But it's weird, because people have asked how much these cost. I'm sure this is something that every furry artist experiences at some point in their life - the "really? You want to pay for my art?" moment. And I imagine that the thoughts of "but my art is just something I do for fun - I don't want to start charging for it!" are also not exactly a new thing.

Thing is, this is purely a thing I do for fun. I whip these up in maybe half an hour in Inkscape as a way to challenge myself to do something creative every day. I worry that if I start putting a price on it, I'll start feeling undue pressure. I have a full-time job that pays me nicely - I don't really have much need for extra cash right now, and if it's free then people aren't gonna complain if it's a couple days late!

Anyway, my point is, if you're a dragon and would like a little graphic in the aforementioned style, drop me a note here, on twitter (preferable), or Telegram. If I run out of requests I usually just pick random dragons whose design I like. Eventually I may get round to uploading them here.

Oh and there's a Telegram sticker pack with all the designs in it if you'd like to use them.

100 days ago, cdrom made a decision. Down on his luck following a recent job loss and in the throes of a deep depressive episode, he took it upon himself to join furry_irl's Discord channel - the Internet's premier source of dank furry memes. He'd been on Discord for about a year, initially with his Minecraft crew after they migrated from Skype, but on March 22nd 2017, he added another circle to the Discord sidebar.

It's been just over three months since then, and cdrom became cdragom became Seadragom. I think it's fair to say I'm a pretty fucking different person to where I was back then. I've spent nearly £800 on furry media. I'm getting a fursuit. I'm following and speaking to people I've admired from afar for years. People I never thought in a million years I'd be interacting with, or even could interact with. Oh hey it's that guy from that e621 whose character I like what's he up to oh he's talking about his job on twitter.

In April, after much deliberation and psyching myself up, I attended a :leedsfurs: meet. I've got a limited history with furmeets - I chickened out at the last second from attending the York one in February, walking past the venue several times and giving up. I also once managed to see a main meet back in 2013 from the window of Café Nero, which was super-impressive and the first time I'd ever really seen a lot of furries out in the wild. I wanted to go say hi but I was with friends so it was more of a "haha furries, crazy, right?" situation. And I think we were about to take a boat ride down the river. But that's neither here nor there. Anyway, I've met a lot of really awesome people and feel absolutely at home, despite knowing these guys for just a couple of months.

I'm still getting my depressive episodes where I question what I'm doing with my life, or how I feel about furries, or consider professing my undying affection for someone who's happily in a committed relationship based purely on their character.

It's felt like longer than 100 days. I've packed a lot into the time period - three meets, many commissions, dozens of friends. Here's to 10,000 more like them.

There isn't really anything to say in this journal. I'm just using it as my blog these days, which I guess is fine? I dunno.

I've just got this feeling that, in two years' time or maybe less I'm going to look back at my behaviour right now and cringe. At the petty crushes, the obnoxious fanboying, the semi-ironic demands for attention. It's just, something's obviously changed in the last couple of weeks because I feel like the fandom has really opened up before me. I've started following people and being followed on twitter (hmu @seadragom), I've started joining far too many servers and Telegram groups to reasonably keep up with.

I'm feeling like I'm finally making a connection with people, yet at the same time I feel very isolated and alone.

I think this is just another of the "CD gets pensive about being a furry" episodes which'll hopefully pass in time. I dunno.

Oh god it's happening

I'm beginning to realise that this fandom isn't actually very big. I mean, sure, it's growing, and we're vocal, but it's not the monolithic thing it seemed from the outside.

I've been consuming furry media for the last ten years or so, and when you see it in that way, filtered through so many tumblr blogs and image boards, you can lose the connections that brought everyone together. It's just art.

Then you start recognising characters. People start to turn up a lot. Hey, I recognise that dragon! Hey, that wolf looks familiar - I've seen those markings before. But I just thought "hey, these guys are obviously just the popufurs!", and they are, sure, but it didn't prepare me for how genuinely small this fandom actually is.

I mean, fact is I've been actively participating in the fandom for all of three months, and today I logged onto FA to see people I know on the frontpage. People I've actually met and got photos with. And that's fucking weird. I've said before about how I find it strange coming to terms with the fact that there are people behind the fursonas but like, this is a whole new level.

I don't have any particular insight or info into this, just some thoughts as I continue my journey into trash-dom.

Total amount spent on furry stuff now sits at £55, and that's a number that's only going up. Help me. Help me.

Waiting fucking sucks, doesn't it?

There's this thing that exists at some nonspecific point in the future, and before you can have it you gotta go through weeks worth of just...well, just work or school or whatever really. Growing up, this was difficult - something as simple as having to endure another week of school before being able to watch the new episode of Doctor Who next week was torture to me. One of the things I was most excited about in my life was the release of the Wii in 2006. I had the number of days left before release written on my hand from about October 2006 onwards.

My life before 2012 was basically all planned out. All rigid, regimented, everything on a "conveyor belt". I'd pass my 11+, I'd pass my SATs, I'd pass my GCSEs, I'd pass my A-levels, I'd go to a good uni, get a 2:1 and then...

...then what? I sort of fell off the academic conveyor belt and landed hard.

Before July 2012 I was always waiting on something, always excited for something in the future - a holiday, a new games console, the day after an essay would be handed in. Then I entered the wonderful world of gainful employment. I was actually phenomenally lucky that my first job was both fulfilling and well-paying, but it wasn't to last and before long I was making just-above-minimum wage doing glorified data entry at a travel agency and living in a grimy bedsit with no double glazing. But throughout all this period (and the subsequent years) I never wanted for anything. I never felt any excitement or desire for anything other than maybe at some point having a better job, but that wasn't time-limited.

I have very few outgoings. Even at the shitty travel agency job I was able to save a little bit of money every month. I didn't have anything to spend it on, didn't want to spend it on anything. I could buy myself basically anything I wanted with savings or just with cash - I've always been a bit of a hoarder (hurr hurr dragon lol - save it). So it meant I never had to wait to afford things. Car broke? Fix it. Phone's a bit slow? New one. Want to go out for dinner? Sure. I never happily made these decisions (see - hoarder), but I knew that I could.

What does all this have to do with furries?

Well now I want things. And I can't have them yet. And this feels really fucking weird.

I've become accustomed to being able to essentially point at a thing and say "I want it". Doesn't matter if it's a bag of sweets from Poundland or an HTC Vive, I want, I click, I buy. Isn't instant gratification great? But I fucking had to go and get myself a hobby didn't I. I fucking had to get myself into something which costs money.

There's things I want to commission. There's artists I want to throw money at. I really, really, really want a fursuit.

None of these things have a financial barrier to me, but the waiting...oh god the waiting. I can't expedite this. I can't make it go away. I've gotta wait in line. Now, really, I'm British, I should be able to handle this, but it's really been playing on my mind.

I have a colossal fear of failure. I don't try or do new things because I'm worried they'll fail. Heck, I spent ten years on the sidelines of the furry fandom because I was worried about...fuck knows. So being able to do things instantly is kind of important to me - fail fast, fail forward and all that. But now I have to wait, that means investing time and effort. And what if I fail? Well, fuck-all, but try telling that to a mind with 26 years of creating horrific "what-if" scenarios.

I dunno. I'm rambling now. But this is something that's been seriously playing on my mind recently. Big thanks to the guys at the /r/furry_irl discord for putting up with my whining in this difficult time, <3 you guys.

I don't know where to go with this. Hi. I'm Seadragom. I'm 26 years old and I pretend to be a dragon on the Internet. Ten years ago I was a nobody who saw Tirrel's work on Newgrounds and realised "hey, I kinda like this stuff". Then came 4chan's furry fridays and eventually e621 and FA - "for a joke" I tell myself, "for larks, to laugh at the silly things and ludicrous fetishes".

Two months ago I was still a nobody with no name and no characters other than a general understanding that I really liked dragons.

And then I started talking to other furries online. "Oh haha, those silly maymay makers at /r/furry_irl, what japery they engage with. Oh and they have a Discord no less, I'm sure this will be full of-"

It was Discord, for games - I was CDRom, normal, fun-loving guy on it for Minecraft and GTA Online. Then I was cdragom. And then I was Seadragom. Then I fucking commissioned artwork of my fursona and started referring to him as a fursona and then I attended a local furmeet and now I feel like everything is moving too fast and Furaffinity has opened up this brave new world of furry communities to me and I'm nervous and more than a little bit scared that all these characters I've been jerking it to for the last seven or so years actually have people behind them.

And honestly that's really weirding me out. Like, the idea that these are people who I can talk to and even commission stuff from.

Am I moving too fast?

But there we have it. Hi. I'm Seadragom. I'm 26 years old and I pretend to be a dragon on the Internet.